Bad Seed

I have a 5yr old son who is totally driving me too tears. I feel like I should walk out of my home and leave because his behaviour is out of control. Right now we just started to see a family counsellor so there is no results yet. His father is around but not living with us he is with someone else but nevertheless he loves his father and likes his girlfriend but that's beside the point. When he is home in the afternoon after school he will do all kinds of things such as, when he request to watch one movie it becomes two or three more then when I say ok that is enough movies for the day he gets upset and starts kicking my furniture to a point where he damages it, or stomps upstairs and slams the door and throw his books of the shelves, empty his garbage turn is bedroom upside down. This is just a small sample other times it gets worse. Write on my walls, floors and tables because I said the word "no" which is common because most children don't like to hear the word no but he takes it to a different level. When I discuss his behaviour in my home with his father, his comments are kids go through different phrases. To me he deeply has a behavioural problem. By the time he turns 10 I will not have any sort of control in my home. At nights I sit and cry because it's so overwhelming for me of the day and enjoyable with him. I also have two more boys who are 10 and almost 18yrs old. I know each child is different but this one is so angry and he doesn't behave like this at my mom,dad sister or his father's home, just mine. When I asked why does he carry on that way he can't give me an answer. I'm lost and running out of ideas to deal with him. I've tried spanking, taking awards away, time out and many more. Can you give any suggestions because time is running out for me.

IN TEARS CHARLENE
Thank you

[specialmom]

Hm.  Well, the good news is that he saves this behavior just for you.  That may seem like bad news but when the heading of the post is "bad seed", I wasn't sure what to expect.  He obviously does not have a disorder as if he did, then he wouldn't be able to maintain at all of the other places.  That is GOOD news as you don't want him to have a mental health or true disorder, right?  So, lets think of your household and issues that might be there.

First, he's had to deal with some instability in his life with a break up of you and his dad.  That can be hard on a young child and they will often act out. So acknowledging this is helpful from the standpoint of understanding where the anger may come from.  The scenario you give leaves me to wonder what alternatives to tv you offer.  If you say turn it off, are you offering a game or activity with you in exchange?  If not, I would.  And if it is a problem, keep the tv off and have him earn that at the END of the day with behavior.  I think you need to stay very calm with him and just remember that you are the mom of the house.  That probably sounds like I don't understand.  But I do.  I have a son that has sensory integration disorder and he can be quite difficult.  But I try to always retain my composure and be in charge.  Routine works well with kids that have had issues with stability.  So try to keep a schedule and routine with him.  Try to catch him do things right.  I saw that you take rewards away-----------  well, what is done to earn those rewards?  Maybe focus more on those.  My sons earn coins for good deeds.  They are motivated as they collect the money in their bank and when it is full, they get to buy themselves something.  They usually have about 15 dollars to spend--------  and just love that.  I'm amazed at what I can get my child to do for a nickle.  

He sounds like he needs transitional warnings.  Okay son, when the clock ways x the tv is off.  Okay we are 1 minute from X and the tv goes off.  Okay, it is X, tv is off.  We do that visually on the digital clock that is on our cable equipment. Give him choices as well.  YOu control the choices------  but he'll be more apt to comply if he felt he was a part of the decision process.

Make sure you are making time for fun with him.  Take him to a ball game, the park, out to lunch, etc.  Special outings make a kid feel closure and boost a relationship.  Also, make him your helper when you can and praise him like crazy whenever he does something that pleases you.  Good luck

[lis51]

When you write "bad seed" do you realize the way you´re feeling towards your son? You seem quite angry but hang in there children do get better. What worked for my son who was categorized as "intolerable to boundaries, intolerable to discipline" was avoiding the use of the word "no". May I play xbox after dinner? You might respond "tomorroow morning you may use it"

[benjimom]

I think this mom is just extra worried about her son and the future of her son,  I know how you feel, sometimes the way my son acts too and gets out of control makes me so upset and scared for his future, it is like sometimes he cannot control himsel f and it's SCARY and not to mention exhuasting. I would limit the TV, take him places to where the TV is not available.    I think TV and video games can become addictive to children.

I woudl not do the spanking if he is having aggression issues.  I've found it only makes things worse w/my son .