Bad Temperment

My 27 month old daughter has been overly frustrated lately.  She growls or whines constantly and has been using this as a type of communication but, she has a very high vocabulary and was using it well until recently.  I am afraid to take her anywhere because I am not sure how her temperament will be.  Even going to the mall can be a fight because she will throw a tantrum if she does not want to go into the stores.  I can't even go to the bathroom at home without her having a fit and insisting me to hold her.  Also, she will not go to bed by herself and she never has, she sleeps in bed with my husband and I.  Recently, she has been waking up every night around 2 or 3 and insisting on going downstairs to the living room to sleep. When I give in and go downstairs I do not turn on the TV or anything and she happily goes back to sleep but, on numerous occasions I don't give in and she will throw a tantrum for hours.  One night she woke up at 1:30 and did not go back to sleep until 7:00!  I know she is very strong-minded but this is getting ridiculous!  I need to sleep too!  I love my daughter very much but my nerves are shot!  What type of suggestions do you have?

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Your behavior will be the key in how this all develops. Re: the sleeping arrangement, it'll be crucial for you to set limits now and stick to them. Your daughter is only doing what she has been trained to do, if you will. You now need to teach her some new expectations, and you may need to bite the bullet to do this, because she's not going to be pleased. But, if you're firm, decisive and supportive, it'll be fine. Do not allow her to sleep in your room or anywhere else but in her own bed.

She'll also move through this tantrum phase of her life, as she gets used to managing the frustration and anger that come with having her wishes disappointed. Don't let her tantrums drive your behavior, and particularly do not gratify her wishes in order to calm her down. If you've made a decision, stick with it.