Bed-time troubles

We have a three year old girl who is incredibly intelligent.  She is also very stubborn and strong willed.  We are using the 1-2-3 time out discipline and somtimes it works, sometimes she drives us bonkers.  She knows how to push us to our limits and then just a little more.  There have been times I have had to get up and leave the room because I thought I would hurt her if I didn't get away from her.  Besides the obvious guilt I feel about having these feelings I am so terribly sleep deprived that I am going nuts.  She will not sleep.  Last night it was 2:30 am when her dad finally smacked her bottom and told her not to leave her room.  She laid in there and screamed and cried for another hour and a half.  We have tried getting her down to a routine, but that doesn't help.  She cries that she's thirsty or hungry or has to use the bathroom.  Then she is scared, it is always something.  She doesn't take a nap.  I don't know what to do.  Please any advise will be greatly appreciated.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Dear Ms. Parks,

As I think you know, the most important ingredient to success in solving such problems is not going in to the child in the face of complaints of any sort. Don't give up on the notion of a routine, either - it is crucial to success, not only because of the structure and security it offers around bedtime, but because adherence to a routine helps establish circadian rhythms that promote sleep at the 'proper' times.

For a sensible routine and management plan, consult Solving Your Chil's Sleep Problems, by Richard Ferber, and utilize the SEARCH function in this Forum - it will connect you to other replies on this same topic.

Be sure to utilize an incentive system to supplement any time out that you might incorporate into the system you employ. Such a system motivates the youngster to comply with expectations about which they are not particularly fond.

[Natasha Kamal]

Our 4 month old has gone from bad to worse in the sleep department.He is now up every hour and a half, wanting either a feed (bottle) or his dummy. He eats well during the day, and I am not sure that he is truly hungry at night. I want to use the Ferber method, but don't know how the dummy fits into all this. Also, his problem isn't that he won't go down, it's that he won't  sleep for any long stretch. Do we leave him to cry, then go and reinsert the dummy? Won't it just fall out again, leaving us back at square one? Please give us some advise...we are desperate and even our 5 year old can't sleep!

[Natasha Kamal]

Our 4 month old has gone from bad to worse in the sleep department.He is now up every hour and a half, wanting either a feed (bottle) or his dummy. He eats well during the day, and I am not sure that he is truly hungry at night. I want to use the Ferber method, but don't know how the dummy fits into all this. Also, his problem isn't that he won't go down, it's that he won't  sleep for any long stretch. Do we leave him to cry, then go and reinsert the dummy? Won't it just fall out again, leaving us back at square one? Please give us some advise...we are desperate and even our 5 year old can't sleep!