Bedtime issues

I have a 2 1/2 year old daughter and 1 year old son that sleep in the same room.  My daughter puts up a huge fight every night to go to bed.  I put my son down first, hoping he will fall alseep before I put her in bed.  We have a routine that I will read her a book, and she gives her older brother and dad a kiss, then she goes to bed. She will scream and keep coming out of her room, and she'll also turn the light on after I leave the room and then her brother is awake.  I'm lost and I don't know what to do!!

Also to add on to her bedtime behavior, she has been acting out with talking bad, and screaming and not listening. I've been told it's because of her terrible 2's stage and she is the middle child, but she can be out of control a lot of times and my parents watch her during the day.  I do give her time outs, and they work for about a half hour. HELP!

Carrie

[Ashelen]

First of all I would recommend separating them to sleep until you get a good sleep routine worked out; are they always going to share a room? Anyway, for now, I'd put the 1-year-old's bed/crib in your room (or his older brother's room) so he can get a solid night's sleep without interruption, and there won't be a sense of urgency about getting your daughter to sleep....because she probably gets satisfaction from the frustration you show when she begins to get loud and wake up her brother. This way if she's turning on the light, staying up, and making a big fuss - she's only keeping herself awake. Also, put a baby gate up in the door to her room. Get one with a tricky latch if she knows how to take them down. that way she will NOT come out of her room. You could even stack one baby gate on top of the other if she climbs out.

Take the lightbulb out of her ceiling fixture at night, and buy one of those battery-operated lights that look like little bubbles that you can stick anywhere and use that for at night if you need light in her room all of a sudden. and once she's secured in her room, at night, with the light off....don't respond in a big way if she makes a big deal. at first, go and reassure her "go to bed, it's sleepy time now. we love you"...the next time "go to bed, I'm not going to keep coming back"...and then one more time if she's still throwing a fit "alright mommy's going to bed, goodnight. i love you" and don't respond to her unless it's an emergency...she will eventually fall asleep.

As for her day behavior..i bet it will improve once her sleep schedule improves, which will probably take a few weeks to get back on track so be patient. Yes the terrible 2's are fairly terrible, so some of the behavior is unavoidable even with time-outs....but just don't react to her tantrums. Put her quietly in time out after giving her a single warning, and when she comes out hug her and explain why she was in time out. But do NOT emotionally react even if you have to duct tape your mouth shut (I've almost been there before, lol). Time-out may or may not be effective at her age but it's a good habit to get into.

Girls really are tougher as toddlers, I fully believe. I have a 3-year-old daughter and a 16-month-old son and by FAR my daughter is and always has been tougher...in every way. My son is more adventurous, but my daughter is a diva and a princess and she is LOUD about it. We had trouble with her at night too and after doing everything I described to you and being patient for a few weeks, now she goes into her bed at night and falls asleep within about 20 minutes without fuss.

Good luck and I sympathize SOOOO much..I hope some of this helps!