Behavior of 12 yr son

[Vernice]

My son will be 13 on Friday Jan 2,2004 and has started to show irresponsibility with jotting done homework and meeting deadlines. He is a very bright kid and at the age of 5 was admitted into a very prominent private school. He always did well but within the last 2 yrs I noticed that he started to become slack in doing his assignments/homework. This year it has gotten worse, I have received several emails from teachers stating that they were missing assignments or that his work was incomplete. We talked to him about the importance of doing well in school and with this he aced a Math test and showed improvement in other subjects. However, the behavior has started back, he is very disorganized, loses books and has got into the habit of not handing in assignments on time. The school counselor gave him a test to determine his learning style and he is "intuitive". She is now working with him to become more organize but I am wondering if there is something else wrong. He is in vision therapy for coversion excess but the analyst says that this should not affect his behavior. He is also beginning to get very defensive when situations are brought to his attention and at times talk back to me. I have received many compliments about his respectful bahavior towards the elderly and others. For some reason he just doesn't like to study for long periods of time and some of his teachers said that at times he is not focus and will talk to other kids in class even in art. Did we miss something,I am at a lost and very concern because if his average drops to below "C" he will be placed on Academic probation that can lead to seperation from the school.

Thanks
mother

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Remember that your son is thirteen - a certain amount of defensiveness is normal for the age. Thus, the appearance of such behavior in itself is not unusual. I'm not suggesting that you should let it go, but don't worry too much about the fact that it is occurring. The frontal cortex of the adolescent brain takes some time to develop, and certain of the skills you mention are tied to that development. All else being equal, this will come with time. For now, build in some supports to assist with organization and with adherence to tasks. For example, to be sure he is recording all assignments in his agenda book, have the book initialed each day by each teacher. In this manner you will not be left holding the bag, so to speak, by not knowing what the assignments are. Once you have the information, you can monitor completion of the assignments at home. Many parents assume that when children reach middle school years they (i.e., parents) should refrain from monitoring the work. But children this age often do require such external support. While some of the symptoms you describe are typical of children who display ADHD, if this were the case with your son it likely would have been discerned earlier in his school years. So I'm assuming this behavior is more related to development than to anything else.