Behaviour / bullying / focus problem in a 6 y.o. boy.

[Karenmum]

My son is 6 in grade 1. He knows his work and is very smart but he chooses not to and is easily distracted and looses focus alot. He can be very stubborn and has told the teacher that he doesn't want to do it and he won't. He can't follow instructions given by the teacher to complete the activity and usually does whatever he wants and gets it completely wrong.

I had an interview with the teacher last week, and saw some of his work. I know that he knows the work, but it was all wrong. I know this because I do activity books at home with him.

He has terribly social skills with his peers (especially in class group time) where he has to be mean and pick on other children. He is normally o.k. with his brother and sister (2yrs) or with 1 or 2 friends. But unsupervised or in class time he is a different child which evidently affects his works and learning.

Can you please give me any suggestion to why his behaviour can be so disruptive and rude compared to at home? How can I help him?

[benjimom]

My son is in OT for sensory issues.  He does not like to be left alone either. He's very funny about who he stays with, etc.  He doesn't trust everything he meets.  My son has had issues at school as well, and I've seen stark differences in the behaviors at home vs. school as well.   I think also school is harder for boys too.  

[Karenmum]

Thank you both for your helpful advice. I have taken my son for assessment at the GP and he is being referred to a paediatrician and we'll see how it goes. I would like to know if he has a disorder of any type so I can help him early on with his problems

I do volunteer at the school and that's where I have noticed the difference in behaviour between school and home. He is good at home when I give him an activity he is ok and can complete it by himself. Most of the time, he wants me to sit with him and do it with him, because he doesn't like being alone.

I have done the "bucket' exercise and he seems to listen and knows what I'm saying, but I might have to do it a few times maybe with something different eachtime until it sinks in. He is a great listener and learner when he can see what is happening and if a story is told, but not a great listener when I or anyone else is generally talking to him.

Thank you for all your help :-)

[specialmom]

Hi, my son has sensory integration disorder and is a total different kid in the classroom environment.  Basically sensory is how the brain processes things so involves the nervous system.  If you think of the brain as having lots of little flood gates that hold back different things . . . well, when a child is out of their  favored environment and the system becomes overwhelmed, the flood gates all lift and the brain is flooded.  A child becomes unable to focus, unable to follow directions, listen, and do their work properly.  

A child with sensory issues also can have a very difficult time with peers.  Social skills that most kids just have, a sensory kid lacks.  And it is worse when they are not "regulated" (when the flood gates are up).  Working on "being a good friend" is important.  You talk to them using just those words.  Think like a kid---------  and work on this with him.  Things like the feeling bucket are a good way to have kids express being kind to others.  Everyone has a bucket----------  when we say nice things, we fill up someone's bucket and make them feel good.  Filling up someone else's bucket will fill ours up as well and make us feel good too. Saying something mean will empty someone's bucket and will do the same to ours.  A good friend fills up everyone's bucket.  Practice playing with him at home as if you are a peer.  Make him share something with you, make him take turns winning, take turns picking which game to play, etc.  I'd work on the laws of conversation-------- listening to others, taking turns speaking, eye contact, facing the person speaking.  Etc.

Kids that try to control their environment and seem stubborn are usually just trying to get through their day.  They feel better with that little bit of control.  For a child like that, choices are essential.  Small ones that the teacher gives can make all the difference at all.  (Do you want to sit on your seat at the table to do the work or would you rather do it on the floor with a lap board?)  Also, it is essential for my son to have movement breaks during the day.  It really helps to keep him focused.  Lots of physical activity outside of school help a child to stay regulated while in school.  Things like swim lessons, soccer, trips to the park where a child runs, climbs, swings, jumps and rolls all help the nervous system.  Before school, try doing some animal walks including the crab, bear, leap frog and any others.  Make it a fun game.  A thick piece of gum on the way to the bus or on the drive to school also helps organize the brain for a school day.

I think that I'd offer to volunteer in his class to observe and see for yourself where he falls off the mark with peers and attention.  

My son was evaluated by an occupational therapist at 4 and started occupational therapy.  He's doing really well in school (and is now 6).  We have no issues at this time.  But I will tell you, you describe my son in the classroom environment when his nervous system is not regulated.  Google sensory integration disorder or also it is called sensory processing disorder.  See what you think and then if it feels like it might match, I can give you some more ideas for activities that might help.  good luck

[hell1971]

If your son does not have these problems at home perhaps he is having problems at school, bullies are usually bullied or troubled themselves and this is a coping stratagy, when hes at home is he focused?, how does he fair on his own, does he need alot of your attention to get through the activities you do with him, because of course a teacher can not give him 100% attention like you can if that is what is happening, have a think about how much effort it takes you to get through these activities at home, you may be helping him more than you think, if so perhaps there is more to this and he may need some extra help or an assesment.