Behaviour Problems with 3 year old... Need advice

Ugh. I want to throw a tantrum in the worst way. DS is driving me up the wall. He has become SO defiant lately, and mouthy! Everything is, "No, Stupid, Shut Up and I Hate You!"

DS is almost 4, will be 4 end of July. He's good for DH, but horrible for me, and I don't know why. He pushes my buttons and is constantly defiant with me. Today has been horrible. I had to call DH to tell him to come home early, because honestly, with a teething baby here too, I just can't handle him anymore, he's been that bad today. He has argued and defied me from the time he woke up. He's had fits about everything: I wouldnt' allow him cookies for breakfast, because I wouldnt let him take all 6 cars into the grocery store (I tried to negotiate and told him he could take 2, but that wasn't good enough), had another fit in the grocery store because he couldn't get a toy (even though we had just bought those cars at the store prior), had another fit at home because I wouldn't let him eat 3 packages of Batman snacks, had another fit because I asked him to pick up his toys, and there's been at least two more today. I've lost trakc of all the reasons. And a "fit" is yelling, angry and saying, shouting or screaming (depending on how angry he is) the things I mentioned above. If I say something he doesn't want to hear, he tells me to shut up, if I punish him (time out etc), he hates me etc...

I have no idea what's going on. I'm sure it's just a phase, has been going on for a couple weeks, but I don't know how to handle it, because nothing I do seems to be working. If he gets his way, he's good as gold. And the fits don't last long, and eventually it blows over and he's fine.

AND... sibling rivalry. He used to be great with his baby sister (11 months), but now all of a sudden he will NOT share with her. They have a shared playroom, and he often will slam the door in her face if she tries to go in (he doesn't want her to touch his toys). I'm terrified he's going to catch her fingers and break them. He takes all her toys and uses them, but refuses to share his toys. We've tried talking to him about sharing, we've tried to tell him that if he picks his toys up off the floor she won't be able to get them. We try to keep some of his toys off limits to his baby sister too, so that DS does feel that he has some of his "own" personal stuff, but we've always amde sure he's aware he has to share too.

Anyways, sorry for the long post, but I'm honestly at my wits ends here and I don't know what to do.

[RockRose]

I always appreciate pictures in profiles,  as they say,  a picture is worth 1000 words.   It's so helpful to SEE the children,  and the relationship, and the pictures the parents think are the best they have so they choose them as a profile pic.  

Look at your profile picture,  mshanon.  It's a year old,  but it's still the dynamic in your house.  I clicked into that pic,  and my eyes widened.  

[skepticalpeach]

It seems like he may be jealous of his younger sister. The last thing you want to do is let your emotions run away with you. If he notices that he can push your buttons and make you upset he is going to keep doing it. Not because he is being naughty, but because he is a little kid. He doesn't know any better. If he is jealous, it may seem like a wonderful way to him to get attention. Stay calm and don't take what he says personally. He really does LOVE you, but something is wrong. Instead of fighting him, try to figure out what he needs and give it to him. Is he is in Preschool? That would give him something to do and would give you some free time to spend with your daughter. He may just be bored.

[mshanson]

I've been thinking of what may have started it, and the change started when I went back to work, so I'm going to try and find ways to spend time with him more.

To RockRose... I'm lost. What on earth do you mean? Your eyes widened? What's that supposed to mean?

[nervouswreck07]

wow, our children sound exactly alike! i am so stressed out and dont know what to do anymore either! i dont have another child so that is my only difference! but my son throws fits about everything, if he doesnt get what he wants or you dont let him eat cookies and ice cream for breakfast! time outs dont work, taking toys away dont work, i just dont know what to do anymore or how to handle it. he yells at me to be quiet and says hes the boss! he used to be unbelievable and then all of a sudden out of no where he changed and startign acting to fresh! there will be days that he in wonderful, but those days are limited! i wish you the best of luck and hope you find some answers and if you figure something out that works please share with me cause i could use the advice as well! good luck! and stay strong and calm!

[mshanson]

Yes, they definitely sound alike, Thomas is the same way - HE'S the boss. We'll ask him to pick up his toys and he'll turn around and say, "No, YOU do it!". ARGH!
We are trying to get more one on one time with him, as I find that helps some, though talking to some other moms dealing with other boys the same age - it seems to be a par-for-the-course phase. The joys!

[nervouswreck07]

yea, someone on here said that it sounds like a cry for help that something could have happened to him. that i know nothing happened to him, he loves being with anyone, he doesnt throw fits to be with people, he just throws fits when he doesnt get what he wants or you want him to clean up and he doesnt want too. but i am so used to hearing "no mom you do it" ive asked his dr and he said its normal some kids know how to push the parents and know they can get away with it. and ive let him get away with so much up until i think i am part of the problem. i am trying to push limits on him and he is not used to them! well good luck i hope everything works out for. dr says he will grow out of it by 4, so thats in october. we will see how that goes! good luck! =)