Biological dad pushes for our 5 year old to be told that the only dad she has known is not actually her dad.

Hi there

My daughter recently turned five. The biological dad and I went our seperate ways when I was 4 months pregnant. When my daughter was born he visited once or twice. When my daugher was 8 months old I started dating my now husband and she came to know him as her dad. The biological dad already made another girl pregnant and their son is 10 months and 1 day younger than my daughter, he started seeing her since she was 18 months old and only visiting once in a while until it came to a huge halt for almost two years. He started visiting her again on our terms that he will not be referred to as her dad as that role has already been filled by my hubby. Hubby and I have two year old son while the biological dad has another baby. Also only seeing her maybe once a month he is trying to push telling her the real truth because his heart is breaking that she doesn't know who he is.... even though this has been his own decision for the entire time. The biological dad has told his other kids that my daughter is their sister, they can't seem to understand it that she is but my son with hubby is not their brother as well. Hubby thinks we must wait until she is much older to avoid conflict between the siblings. Please help....

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

There is no point in being anything but truthful in situations like this. Now, it is important to remember that young children will not understand some of what is being said. Nonetheless, it is important that they hear truthful words right from the start. As they get older,  their cognitive abilities will develop and they will more fully understand how a person who is their biological father (or mother) may not be the parent with whom they live on a day-to-day basis.