I am 30 years old. The person I knew as a father died 23 years ago. Till now that is what I knew that my father died long time ago and raised by my mother. But now after 30 years my mother is telling me that my biological father is somebody else. I know the person as a friend to our family, but I just heard from her that he is my father. He has four other children from different women, other than my mother. It has been very hard to accpet for sometime. Now I accept the truth, but I don't know what to do. How to approach my biological father and my half siblings. They all (my father and the children and thier moms) knew about this situation. It was only hided from me, because my mother didn't want me to know the truth. My mother wanted to keep as a secret forever, but my biological father forced her this time to tell. Is it even necssary to create any connection with these people? I'm confused . . .
You don't have to do anything that you aren't comfortable with. You've lived this long without him, so it wouldn't be bad if you continued to do so. If you want to pursue a friendship with him you can do that too. Why did he make your mom tell you the truth now? Is there something he wants from you or wants to tell you? If you aren't sure about everything you could always get a paternity test.
I wouldn't do anything until you know what you want. Maybe even go talk to a therapist.
Thank you for the response. He has been aksing my mother to tell me for years (based on what she said). I don't know what his intentions are this time, but now he warned her that he will tell me himself. He could do the same thing years ago. I grew up as a very poor child from poor family, all my childhood was a struggle. This guy never helped me or my mother in some way.
I agree with Diva, you don't have to do a thing you don't want to. I will say though, that having the opportunity to talk to him and answer your questions (such as why he didn't help when you needed it) might provide some healing for you? Just a thought. But take your time and do what you feel is best for you. You don't owe anyone anything.
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