Birthday party trouble

[howtodeal234]

My son was just at our neighbours sons 5th birthday party. I got a text message saying that she needed to speak with me. I stopped in at her house a few minutes later on my way back from the store to find my neighbour, her 5yo, my other neighbour and her 3.5yo standing at the door. My one neighbour proceeded to tell my that when she left the boys alone to put her 2yo down for a nap that he 5yo son came upstairs to tell her that my son, who just turned 7yo, had ``sucked`` my other neighbours 3.5yo sons penis. I just stood there in absolute shock and just kept asking ``my son``. I broke down in tears and told them I cannot believe this, he has never done anything like this EVER and has never said anything along the lines of this before. They proceeded to say that they were concerned that maybe this has happened to my son and that is why he maybe did this to the other boy. There has never been any sexual abuse in my family or on my son. They had sent my son home so I went to my house and found him just sitting on the couch watching cartoons acting like his nice normal self as always. I asked him if he got sent home and he said no, and  asked him a couple more times if he was sure and he said he just came home. I asked him if he had sucked on the boys penis and he said that he didnt. I told him the he needs to be 100% honest with me and tell the truth and that he would not get in trouble. I asked him again if he had sucked on the boys penis and he slowly noded his head yes and I asked him yes or no and he said yes. I left the room as I knew that I was about to break down emotionally and didnt want to frighten him. I called my mother in tears and told her the situation. She said she would come over and help me out so I went back inside and asked my son to go to his room for a little bit. My son fell asleep, so when my mother got there to help me out with the situation we woke him up and asked him to tell us what happened at the party. He was hesitant so we asked him questions to get the story from him. What he told us in the end was that the two other boys pulled their pants down and the 5yo told my son to quickly lick the 3.5yo`s penis, my son being the follower that he is did so. He said he only did it once an it was a small fast lick. He then said that the 5yo told the 3.5yo to like his(the 5yo) penis. I worded my questions differently over and over just to make sure his story stayed the same so that I know I was getting the truth. I did this 3 seperate times and my sons story always stayed the same. He told me that it wasnt his idea it was his 5yo friends idea so I asked my so if he knew what he did was wrong and inappropriate and he said that he didnt know it was bad. I informed him that it was and went into the whole we dont touch others privates and viceversa. I then asked him in different ways if anyone had ever touched or licked his penis like that before and he said no, no one has ever done that and he hasnt done that to anyone before either. I asked the 5yo`s mother if she talked to her son for the full story and she said that her son said it was my son who started it and then admitted that they pulled there own pants down. She said that she asked her son if that has ever happened to him before and apparently he said that my son had done it to him before at there house. Im now even more in shock...this is not my sons behaviour at all. She asked him again when we were on the phone together and he changed his stry to say that it happened when he was at MY house! Never do I leave them unattended and I can always hear what they are doing so that doesnt seem right at all. the 5yo then told his mom that it was the day my son was playing with a lighter in his room. Well now im stumped cause my son has never played with a lighter in his room and this 5yo always tells me when my son is not sharing etc so I would have heard from him about the lighter and the licking incident. At this point in embarrassed, distraught, confused and many more emotions. I have to clue what to do from here. From what im being told children their age start to be interested in others privates and that the licking wasnt the first time in history to happen but its not the norm. I dont know if I should take my son to see a psychologist or what to do. I know my son and I do believe him when he says that that is how it happened as this has never happened before and I can tell when he is lying. I really need advice on this subject as Im lost with what to do other than what I have done with telling him it was wrong and inappropriate of him. Thanks for your help. I dont what to be looked on as `that neighbour with the abuser child``....my son is not like this at all.

[howtodeal234]

Thanks for both of the comments. It really helps me wrap my head around this with different insights to this situation. PassinThru I am for sure going to take him to see a psychologist on this matter. I dont think im going to bother with the neighbors as I believe they have their minds made up that my son started it probably due to the fact that he is the older of the 3 of them involved. My son is a young 7 and has never been a `leader` so I find it hard to believe that it was his idea. Dont get me wrong, im not in denial over the situation. Its just unfortunate either way it started. I have informed my son that he is to never behave like this again and IF he was told to lick someone elses privates that it is inappropriate and he should not be doing what other children tell him to do and to inform an adult.

Skepticalpeach, I think you summed it up. That is pretty much the conclusion that I came up with. Everytime the mother of the 5yo asks him what happened his story changes and keeps becoming more unbelievable. Its just so weird that mutliple times my son has gone down there to play there is a situation. My son plays with lots of different children and never once have I had any parent or child come up to me and tell me of inappropriate behaviour on my sons behalf. So its just so shocking that when he hangs out with this child something weird ``happens``. I an no longer going to allow my son to play with him. I dont think its fair for my son to have his character shot down from someone elses stories. My moms best friend is in the field of child development and counceling etc and she said she deals with this all the time. She said it isnt uncommon of a situation (which I still think is so unbelievable and crazy), children at this age are exploring each other, not always to this extent she says, but she has also heard of alot worse situations. Im still in disbelief of this whole situation.

Thanks again, I appreciate the help.

[skepticalpeach]

It sounds like the other little guy is lying. Anyone who changes their story that much is not telling the truth. If I were you I would not let your son play with him anymore. I am a pretty straightforward person so I would tell the other mom that her children cannot play with him anymore because it's not a good idea.

When I was in grade school my little sister had a run in with another little girl. They were pretty good friends, until the other little girl told her mom my sister said something racist. I'm pretty sure my little sister didn't even know what racism is. Fortunately, the school sided with my sister, although the other mom blindly believed her daughter. They ended up leaving the school they were so upset. My little sister maintains her innocence to this day so I'm pretty positive the other one was lying. Let us know what you decide!

[PassinThru]

I don't think it matters who started it all. If all the participants are not counseled properly this habit can spread to yet more children. What you might want to do, if possible, is speak to your neighbor and ask her agree to to have both her son and yours see a psychologist. Just the one time. He/she might be better able to explain the problem to them and keep it from recurring.