Biting, hitting, pinching three year old

My 3 yr old grandson spends 3 days a week in his other grandma's
daycare.  He bites, hits, pinches and upsets all the kids. They have tried biting him back, spanking, time out. Nothing works. After time out he just returns to doing the same thing.  My daughter in law is reduced to tears as he does the same thing at home.  When I look after him, there are no other kids here, he behaves very well. He has taken several play classes, not day care related, and his very well behaved.  Today, in day care, after terrozing everyone, he took a water pistol and pointed it at one of the kids and said "Your dead".  Needless to say we are att wits end.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Dear Ms. McGill,

It's probably time for a consultation with a mental health professional, who will be able to evaluate your grandson in the several environments in which he spends his time and make suggestions re: managing his behavior.

Most of the time, such behavior problems can be brought under control with a systematic management plan. Sometimes parents and others move from one tactic to another, not in any particularly systematic way, and then become frustrated that 'nothing is working'. Usually it's the implementation that's the problem. Often people expect overnight results, or immediate cessation of a problem, but that's not how such problems are usually resolved.

The time out plan, in general, is highly recommeneded, but at the conclusion of the timeout period your grandson should not immediately be placed back with the other children. Instead, he should play by himself for a little while, and then be allowed to play with only one other child for a bit. He should be placed back in timeout if any appearance of aggression occurs.

[MaddieMom79]

A related discussion, Two/three year old being mean was started.