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Boyfriend sleeps with 9 year old daughter?
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Boyfriend sleeps with 9 year old daughter?

My now X boyfriend is divorced and has a sweet wonderful 9 year old daughter and a 13 year old son.He only has a 1 bedroom apartment and his daughter sleeps with him when they are visiting.We took our time to introduce me into the kids lives and I love them and they love me.I have a home and set up a beautiful bedroom for his daughter and his son sleeps in the "big TV room" well that was the plan.I tried gently to point out to him that sleeping with his daughter is not really appropriate. He acted like I am a nasty minded person for suggesting it was inappropriate but relutantly agreed.However he continues to go sleep with her. If he does come to our bedroon to go to bed she knocks on the door with a tummy ache and he goes and babys her and they go to sleep together,not just together but her head on his chest with her leg thrown over him and his arm around her like boyfriend & girlfriend.Also when we are watchimg T.V. she lays with her head on his lap and sometimes her arm dangling between his legs.And he strokes her hair.The last time he went and slept with her all cuddled up he had been drinking. I had had it. I told him it is totally inappropriate and I am not comfortable with it going on. He blew up and said in front of her that Im sick and think that he is "doing stuff with her"because he slept with her and he caused a big scene upseting her and making me look & feel like a dirty minded jealous girlfriend.I'm pretty sure that I did everything I could to gently help him see that this behavior is not right. I am sure there is not anything sexual going on.Was I being overly protective or trying to stop behavior that can lead to problems.I adore his daughter and am devastated that he made her feel that I in any way blame her for anything.


This discussion is related to Clingy Older Children.
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5 Comments Post a Comment
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458384_tn?1295724256
That is a tough one!  Now my first thought was that you were over reacting.  Then I thought about the stats on childhood sex abuse.  The perp is usually the father or a family member or close friend.  In this day and age you really have to watch yourself.  Something done completely innocently can get blown out of proportion  in a hurry!  If you trust that there is nothing going on, then I think you are over reacting.  But it sounds like maybe your gut instinct is telling you that there might be something going on.  I say go with you gut!  If he doesn't want to do it your way and you aren't going to allow it to go on, then maybe it is time for you guys to call it quits!  Also, if you think this child is in danger, maybe you should consider making a call to CPS.  It would be horrible if she were being molested and it were left to go on.  WOW!  I don't
envy you you decision to stay or go, tell or not.....
God Bless You,
D

PS:  just my thoughts on it; hope it helps.  Let me know if you need to talk.
Peace be yours, D
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Avatar_n_tn
Follow your gut instinct!!!!  A grown man (father or not) should NOT be sleeping with his pre-teen daughter....YOU ARE RIGHT!  The fact that he became SO defensive should actually make you feel more justified in your thoughts.  

There is a point in time that typically comes naturally to parents and children where you start to feel uncomfortale doing certain things with, or in front of, one another.  I remember there came a piont with my son when I began to CLOSE the bathroom door, and he did too.  He began to ask for his privacy suddenly....it is supposed to come naturally as children near puberty.  That is why this behavior seemed so strange to you the moment you saw it.  I would definitely NOT abandon my initial instincts if I were you.  Keep persuing it!
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484465_tn?1347117312
that type of contact is inappropriate for a father and child of 9 yrs.  he should be teaching her to not lay all over him like that, telling her that she's a big girl now and is capable of doing all things (sitting up, sleeping in her bed) on her own.  bedtime talks and patting her back is okay, but him sleeping w/ her is not.  he may even be doing more things than you're aware of when you're not around.  
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Avatar_f_tn
I'm 19 and sometimes plop down and sleep with either parent.  I know a friend who is my age,  has had a job in a different state, has her own (loaded) bank account and can get any Guy she wants since she's outgoing as **** who does this too. She's the opposite of me basically.  Not once have either of our parents done anything to us. Maybe your uncomfortable because its not done in the culture you grew up in but it was in the house/culture he did. If you think something's up investigate if not leave him alone
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5174041_tn?1364954731
i would say there is nothing wrong with a daugher father bond like this..not at all!! no offense..but until she hits pubertiy she's gonna be his baby..and even after that. I wouldn't worry about it until she's maybe 12..then think it odd. He sounds like a good dad to me
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