Can a 4 year old be really out of control?

[Genmom]

Everyday is a battle. The best way to explain him is like a young comic book mastermind villian. Since he was two he has plotted out acts of revenge and malice. Very keen on how he does it. Then sometimes, it is simple act of defiant like not wearing clothes or purposely pooping in his room for a few days. Then when he thinks his younger sister is being bad, he will take things in his own hands and push her and to the worst choke by dragging her away. In his heart, he is a good kid, but he does things that makes you crazy. I have been to classes, I have taken him to doctors, gone to church, and have tried every tip I have heard. He has got to the point, he doesn't care about anything, to his stuff, to his activities, or to pain. I am hoping for a new light on things this coming November when a behavior specialist will see him, but he going to school this August and I am worried about that. Alot of people that have seen him on his bad days say that he is out of control and on the occasion of his good days, people think I'm crazy, bc he is a perfect gentleman with manors. So I am just at a lost till November and reading some of the post on here, I don't feel alone. Has anyone have a child that was so nice, but then so mean at a flip of a hat? And is it possible that he could be out of control and uncontrolable by anyone?

[mrsbarnes]

You are not alone! And it is nice to see that i'm not alone iether! It sounds to me like your son and my son express the same behaviors. And belive you me- I know all about being made a fool of in front of those you seek help  from. My son did the same with pooping in his room, violent behavior, and then being sweet when you least expect it. It is so hard to see your little baby boy turn into something so bad one moment then change in front of others whom you need to belive in you. Needless to say by the time he turned 5 he had stopped using the bathroom in his room and smearring it on the walls. But now it seems as he gets a little older he is getting better about being more sneaky and defiant. Some times it seems like we are all alone- the only one with a problem child. The problem is  is that we love them so much it hurts in a bad way to feel so " helpless" And we sure dont want to miss out on the best youngest years of thiere life like this....  best wishes to you and i'll pray for u and your son as i pray for us!

your not alone,
mrsbarnes

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

It would be prudent to arrange a second opinion. It is very customary for children to be more oragnized and appear noraml in the office setting. It is more important that the clinician listen very carefully to what the parent is describing, because much of that behavior may well not be observable in the office setting.

[Genmom]

Thank you, finding this site has helped me out so much. Gives me that stregnth to deal with the next day. I am waiting for his appointment this upcoming November, can't get him in any sooner then that. It has taken two year to get it, I guess I can wait the six months till it. At the time, the only thing I can do with him is restrict him to any room that I am in. Even then he still is sneaky. I had my back turned for a minute and he just whipped out and peed on the furniture, I made him clean it up. I also have been giving him chores. More he acts up the more he gets. Right now it is feeding, watering the dog, taking her out. Cleaning his own messes and vacuuming. Running out of thing to think of that he can do. It keeps him busy, but my throat is getting sore from the fussing and telling him over and over again. My little brother was a problem child, but he was my problem (mom worked 18 hours a day, dad worked too.) It was easier bc he just looked at me like a friend. Once my brother got to school though, it was really tough for my folks. He would fight, throw desk at the teachers, run away. The Doctors later labeled him with ADHD, and he would do the same at the psycologist. I am hoping my son isn't that much of a handful when he gets to school. Thank you Mrs. Barnes.

[Genmom]

I have taken him to a psychiatrist. His resident wanted to evaulate him further since it was a good day and he seem so nice and my story told a different version of him, but the head psychiatrist came in talked with me and my son for 5 minutes and said that he was a normal boy. Giving me tips on how to relax and that all boys goes through phases. I had pleaded for 2 years for him to be seen at the behavior specialist. I feel like I have got lost in translations with residents to doctors to other departments. And yes, all doctors are well aware there is family history with mental illness.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Your son is displaying signs of serious emotional disturbance. He should be evaluated asap by a child psychiatrist. Do not attemt to manage this by yourself.