Aa
Can you tell me what is wrong with my son?
15 yr old Dylan:
Misses cues
Can't read body language
Gullible
Often misses the point in conversations, even when an illustration is given
Unmotivated
Unorganised
Clueless
Too trusting
Thinks 'helping' people means 'teaching', 'showing them' how to do something - can be controlling
Has unrealistic goals/plans/dreams - grandiose (like a small child)
Steers the conversation his way and constantly tries to impress
Doesn't appreciate peoples need for space, can be smothering, in your face and too much
Only hears what he wants to hear
Bounces back quickly as though nothing penetrates - even after a big upset
Never learns, will argue the same point 10 minutes later
Makes the same mistakes over and over
Talks too much and interrupts - annoying
Has high opinion of his own intelligence
Puts more importance on material gain than real relationships
Conversation has little substance, usually fantasy and frivolous
Scared of the dark
Often befriends children younger than him
Spelling/reading of a sixth grader
Dylan is currently on anti-depressants but we have yet to work out what his real diagnosis is.
Misses cues
Can't read body language
Gullible
Often misses the point in conversations, even when an illustration is given
Unmotivated
Unorganised
Clueless
Too trusting
Thinks 'helping' people means 'teaching', 'showing them' how to do something - can be controlling
Has unrealistic goals/plans/dreams - grandiose (like a small child)
Steers the conversation his way and constantly tries to impress
Doesn't appreciate peoples need for space, can be smothering, in your face and too much
Only hears what he wants to hear
Bounces back quickly as though nothing penetrates - even after a big upset
Never learns, will argue the same point 10 minutes later
Makes the same mistakes over and over
Talks too much and interrupts - annoying
Has high opinion of his own intelligence
Puts more importance on material gain than real relationships
Conversation has little substance, usually fantasy and frivolous
Scared of the dark
Often befriends children younger than him
Spelling/reading of a sixth grader
Dylan is currently on anti-depressants but we have yet to work out what his real diagnosis is.
COMMUNITY LEADER
I noticed in your profile that you said, "Our son is not fitting in at school and never has." The never has part does concern me. Its not unusual for some one to have troubles "fitting in during middle school or high school due to peer pressure, etc. However, in elementary school where typically the kids are more accepting, it is definitely more troublesome.
So I guess, my first question would be - did he have these problems in lower elementary school too? You mentioned the spelling/reading problems. Does he also have problems in math? Curious because many times they are taught differently. Reading is more or an oral (and group) activity, while math is much more individual. A child with ADD/ADHD typically would have problems with both. A child that does well in math, and not as good in reading would indicate another problem.
I do agree with Specialmom. My first thought in reading your list of symptoms was some form of Autism like Asperger's Syndrome. And if he does have good intelligence, then a lot of his actions would come from trying to shape the world to his comfort level. For example -
" Asperger’s syndrome is usually noticed at age 3 or later. Symptoms vary, so no two children are the same. Children with Asperger’s:
* Have a very hard time relating to others. It doesn't mean that they avoid social contact. But they lack instincts and skills to help them express their thoughts and feelings and notice others’ feelings.
* Like fixed routines. Change is hard for them.
* May not recognize verbal and nonverbal cues or understand social norms. For example, they may stare at others, not make eye contact, or not know what personal space means.
* May have speech that’s flat and hard to understand because it lacks tone, pitch, and accent. Or they may have a formal style of speaking that’s advanced for their age.
* May lack coordination; have unusual facial expressions, body postures, and gestures; or be somewhat clumsy.
* May have poor handwriting or have trouble with other motor skills, such as riding a bike.
* May have only one or a few interests, or they may focus intensely on a few things. For instance, they may show an unusual interest in snakes or star names or may draw very detailed pictures.
* May be bothered by loud noises, lights, or strong tastes or textures."
From this site - http://www.webmd.com/brain/autism/tc/aspergers-syndrome-topic-overview
Another site with good information on the symptoms is - http://www.webmd.com/brain/brain-disorders-injuries-9/autism
Of course, what makes all of this difficult is that there may also be other coexisting conditions. And, of course, the depression could relate to Autism or even ADD. In which case, if the only treatment being done is medication - then you are not getting to the root of the problem.
I really do agree with specialmom that its time to invest in a doctor thats qualified to deal with this problem. As I said, if the only thing you were getting from your doctor was meds for depression, then its time to find someone who can dig deeper into what is the root cause.
I hope some of this helps. I am glad that you have taken the time to write such a long post. The information was helpful, but even more info would be needed to give more specific help. Due take the time to check out the posts I recommended and see how those symptoms sound to you. Let us know if you have any more questions. Best wishes!!
So I guess, my first question would be - did he have these problems in lower elementary school too? You mentioned the spelling/reading problems. Does he also have problems in math? Curious because many times they are taught differently. Reading is more or an oral (and group) activity, while math is much more individual. A child with ADD/ADHD typically would have problems with both. A child that does well in math, and not as good in reading would indicate another problem.
I do agree with Specialmom. My first thought in reading your list of symptoms was some form of Autism like Asperger's Syndrome. And if he does have good intelligence, then a lot of his actions would come from trying to shape the world to his comfort level. For example -
" Asperger’s syndrome is usually noticed at age 3 or later. Symptoms vary, so no two children are the same. Children with Asperger’s:
* Have a very hard time relating to others. It doesn't mean that they avoid social contact. But they lack instincts and skills to help them express their thoughts and feelings and notice others’ feelings.
* Like fixed routines. Change is hard for them.
* May not recognize verbal and nonverbal cues or understand social norms. For example, they may stare at others, not make eye contact, or not know what personal space means.
* May have speech that’s flat and hard to understand because it lacks tone, pitch, and accent. Or they may have a formal style of speaking that’s advanced for their age.
* May lack coordination; have unusual facial expressions, body postures, and gestures; or be somewhat clumsy.
* May have poor handwriting or have trouble with other motor skills, such as riding a bike.
* May have only one or a few interests, or they may focus intensely on a few things. For instance, they may show an unusual interest in snakes or star names or may draw very detailed pictures.
* May be bothered by loud noises, lights, or strong tastes or textures."
From this site - http://www.webmd.com/brain/autism/tc/aspergers-syndrome-topic-overview
Another site with good information on the symptoms is - http://www.webmd.com/brain/brain-disorders-injuries-9/autism
Of course, what makes all of this difficult is that there may also be other coexisting conditions. And, of course, the depression could relate to Autism or even ADD. In which case, if the only treatment being done is medication - then you are not getting to the root of the problem.
I really do agree with specialmom that its time to invest in a doctor thats qualified to deal with this problem. As I said, if the only thing you were getting from your doctor was meds for depression, then its time to find someone who can dig deeper into what is the root cause.
I hope some of this helps. I am glad that you have taken the time to write such a long post. The information was helpful, but even more info would be needed to give more specific help. Due take the time to check out the posts I recommended and see how those symptoms sound to you. Let us know if you have any more questions. Best wishes!!
Hi. Well, for some kids, social skills just don't come naturally. My son was this way and plenty of kids are. What a parent can do is to help them by teaching them social skills. For example, body language can be taught. You role play different moods using your body------- and he guesses the mood. You show him nonverbal signals and then explain to him what they mean. You TEACH him basic conversation skills--------- eye contact, facing the person he is talking to, stop walking/pacing if he does that, proper voice volume, ACTIVE listening to the other person he is speaking with, taking turns talking, allowing another to direct the conversation so that they will stay interested in it, etc. You act it out and talk to him directly about THIS is what you need to do socially. A good friend listens to the other person.
He lacks impulse control and that is the interrupting.
What things are in place at school to help with his reading? He is clearly behind a good deal and schools usually step in. When did he fall behind, what grade? What have you done as a family to help get him up to speed? Is it just reading or are his other course studies falling behind as well?
Okay, honestly, from this post---------- I do believe you need to dig deeper as to what the root problem is. I don't think it is depression and am not sure why he is on antidepressents unless he was exhibiting symptoms of anxiety. This is common in kids with something else going on. I think something else is going on. Has he been tested for aspergers syndrome? This is on the autistic spectrum and honestly---------- very much of what you describe especially the social issues could relate. Social issues are so common with kids that have a developmental delay (have a boy with a delay myself). Ad/hd also comes to mind and especially with his issue with reading behind his grade level. That is not uncommon.
I would invest the time and money to see a good child psychologist and get expert advice. Whether he has a developmental issue which I suspect or not, he would benefit from help in the social arena. Many child psychologists/therapists work on this.
good luck and let us know what you think.
He lacks impulse control and that is the interrupting.
What things are in place at school to help with his reading? He is clearly behind a good deal and schools usually step in. When did he fall behind, what grade? What have you done as a family to help get him up to speed? Is it just reading or are his other course studies falling behind as well?
Okay, honestly, from this post---------- I do believe you need to dig deeper as to what the root problem is. I don't think it is depression and am not sure why he is on antidepressents unless he was exhibiting symptoms of anxiety. This is common in kids with something else going on. I think something else is going on. Has he been tested for aspergers syndrome? This is on the autistic spectrum and honestly---------- very much of what you describe especially the social issues could relate. Social issues are so common with kids that have a developmental delay (have a boy with a delay myself). Ad/hd also comes to mind and especially with his issue with reading behind his grade level. That is not uncommon.
I would invest the time and money to see a good child psychologist and get expert advice. Whether he has a developmental issue which I suspect or not, he would benefit from help in the social arena. Many child psychologists/therapists work on this.
good luck and let us know what you think.
Sounds like he could use some self esteem boosting and has decided to give it himself ...as I asked previously can you give us some good things you like about him ,maybe anti depressants are affecting the way he thinks ...
Sounds like classic Narcissistic Personality Disorder:
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001930/
Some of the things you mention are just random traits of people - fear of the dark, disorganized, etc.
The rest of it - the grandiose opinion of himself, constant need for admiration, uninterested in feelings, unable to relate to other people, belief he is better at things than he is, etc., are pretty classic NPD.
Best wishes.
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001930/
Some of the things you mention are just random traits of people - fear of the dark, disorganized, etc.
The rest of it - the grandiose opinion of himself, constant need for admiration, uninterested in feelings, unable to relate to other people, belief he is better at things than he is, etc., are pretty classic NPD.
Best wishes.
Sounds like you need another opinion. It's your baby-boy. Keep talking and asking everyone under the sun till you feel like you have gotten the answers you are comfortable with! Best wishes-Mary
He sounds like a very smart boy. Has he been tested to see if he is a genius? It sounds like the behavior of someone who is extremely intelligent. Mozart and Einstein were reported of having behaviors like your son's. Try enrolling him in higher level classes and getting him music lessons. This way he can get some exposure to people who are as smart as him. Also explain to him that the way he is treating people makes them feel bad about themselves. If he is smart, he will be able to understand that. Even though he is trying to help, he is actually belittling others.
Also, I would like to say there this NOTHING wrong with being a big dreamer! Only those with big dreams accomplish anything in this world.
Also, I would like to say there this NOTHING wrong with being a big dreamer! Only those with big dreams accomplish anything in this world.
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