Aa
Chasing away the bears and dragons..
Ok, so it's an odd title. But this is what I need to learn to do. My just turned 2 year old is suddenly terrified that dragons and bears are in the house. He is waking up just shrieking about dragons and bears. We had left a few stuffed bears on a shelf in his room, and he is pointing at them screaming "scary scary". I have taken them out and put them away for now - probably shouldn't have been there anyway as he has mild allergies to dust. My husband and I have also told him that mommies and daddies will never let any dragons or bears inside the house. I honestly have no idea where this has come from. We are super careful about what he see's on TV, and the little he watches is very age appropriate. Even his books are age appropriate, and none of them has a story about a dragon. I thought maybe his dinosaur toys, but he is clearly distinguishing between dinosaurs and dragons...he loves the dinosaurs, and refers to them as dinosaurs. Anyway, however this has come about, the poor little guy is terrified. I am wondering if any of you have any tips for me on how to help him through this and reassure him that there are none of these things in the house. He wakes up screaming with his little heart beating a mile a minute, so I suspect he may actually be having nightmares over them. For now he is back in our bed. Thanks for any tips.
why...just be "good enough" ;-). You're doing so great Amanda, I don't think you have anything to worry about...you have awesome instincts.
Ok, you can't tell me that! You and Specialmom are sort of my go to people when in doubt...and now your telling me your NOT a perfect mother?? What the heck do I do now....lol.
Well don't let any of us fool you..NO ONE knows what's best, LOL...we just guess and wing it ;-)
All valid comments, and all helpful. It's so hard to know what's best. And I am going to admit that I think many of our sleeping issues are entirely my fault. When he is in his own bed I worry he is lonely...silly I know. Truth is, I love sleeping with him except when it's nights where he doesn't stop moving..lol. I feel sort of caught here...I just don't know what is best for him (and for us too). Right now it is easier to give in I guess. The thing is, he goes down to sleep on his own no problem. That part has always been fine. When he wakes up screaming at 2 am (or even midnight) bringing him in seems like a good idea at the time. We didnt' co sleep when he was an infant (well, except the times I fell asleep while nursing him), so this really did start when he was a bit older. I want to do what's best and I guess I just don't know what that is. But you have all given me good points to think about and discuss with DH. Thanks!!
Oh, and be careful of giving into something that seems easier right now that may create a more difficult challenge in the future.
Here is the problem as I know it with cosleeping. You either embrace it or don't get involved. At two, it seems like no big deal. At 4, you'll be writing us about how to get him out of your bed. I didn't want to co sleep for my own reasons------ I (as in ME) sleep better without kids in my bed and I do count for something. I also wanted intimate space with my husband. A place where we were husband and wife for just us. Our bed/bedroom is that. My kids come in, sure, but they have their space and we have ours. I think it helps my marriage. I spend so much of my time and energy being Mommy that having a boundary of where I can be wife instead is important. Heck, being a woman instead of a mother is important.
I have a dear friend. A working mom. A great mother. She has three kids. They started off cosleeping (she has one child and then twins 19 months younger)----- then kids started waking kids. So now . . . she sleeps in one room with the twins and her husband sleeps in another with the older child. It got to that point because they couldn't seperate from the kids. Then she tells me she is having marriage trouble . . . Well, of course they are.
Many people do cosleep. Go with it if you would like to!! I am not going to tell anyone not to do it. But don't look at it as temporary.
Just my thoughts on it.
I have a dear friend. A working mom. A great mother. She has three kids. They started off cosleeping (she has one child and then twins 19 months younger)----- then kids started waking kids. So now . . . she sleeps in one room with the twins and her husband sleeps in another with the older child. It got to that point because they couldn't seperate from the kids. Then she tells me she is having marriage trouble . . . Well, of course they are.
Many people do cosleep. Go with it if you would like to!! I am not going to tell anyone not to do it. But don't look at it as temporary.
Just my thoughts on it.
If it works for you, trust your gut hon. I'd just hate for you to have to go through the CIO phase again. But you'll ultimately know what feels right. I am ALL for cosleeping.. Did it with KK and Grey and will also with Ro BUT I wouldn't want to go backwards once they had moved on.. That's all I was saying. But mama knows best hon.. So if you feel it's right (and aren't just reacting to how difficult it is to see him scared ) then it IS right!
Do what is best for your family. I had one child that was terrified of the dark. I spent a lot of money and time trying to figure out what to do with him. In the end when he was 4, he didn't want to be with us any more. We had monster away spray. I also used a broom to sweep it all out of the room. He'd spray and I'd sweep.LOL! He is 18 now and is very independent and getting ready for pre-med in college. It is all good! All sleep well. Goodluck!
COMMUNITY LEADER
Ummm, you might try moving him to his own bed after several hours in yours. It will eventually make the transition easier.
Ok, so you know I love you both and always completely and totally respect the things you tell me. I know your both wonderful moms and so I like it when you tell me your honest thoughts. I have to tell you though, I'm not so certain the co sleeping is a bad thing. I have been doing quite a bit of reading on the subject, and do you know that we North Americans are amongst the very few cultures that don't practice the family bed? There seem to be a lot of benefits to it. And he's so little still and it is nice to cuddle. I know, it was awful before, but that's because he never stopped moving, so no one slept (him included in that). But he seems to have settled down, and he is so much happier...wakes up happier even. So I'm not so certain now that co sleeping is such a bad idea. Yeah, we worked so hard to get him into his own bed, but he still doesn't sleep through the night in it...at least not regularly. But with us..he sleeps so much more peacefully now. I don't know, maybe there is something to this. I guess we'll figure it out as we go...he is still a baby after all.
And Ivy my love, if he is in diapers in K, we have far bigger problems then dragons and bears....lol. Love ya my sis!!
And Ivy my love, if he is in diapers in K, we have far bigger problems then dragons and bears....lol. Love ya my sis!!
OK autocorrect has made me nearly incomprehensible. So if a word doesn't make sense its because this tablet delights in making me sound a fool, lol. Anyway... I'd try everything and give it time - weeks, before resorting to co sleeping again... He WILL outgrow this. Kahlan was afraid of "the noise "(frogs croaking ) right when we moved next to -yep, a lake. Even better, a channel runs through our property and becomes boggish when the water is low so we're the semiannual hosts of a deafening and massive frog orgy. Sigh, lol. It took weeks of gentle reassurance and love, and a VERY special water nightlight (it has little jellyfish that float around in it ) for her to overcome this fear.. But it was worth it to work through. Why? Because now if something scares her we remind her of The Noise and she says "you mean the dog isn't scary just like the noise isn't scary? " yep, brave girl.. Just so ;-).
Hugs and good luck however you choose to handle this... It's so hard to see them afraid but this is a great learning opportunity.. For him, and you.
Hugs and good luck however you choose to handle this... It's so hard to see them afraid but this is a great learning opportunity.. For him, and you.
Ahh Amanda I know how you love him feeling safe in your bed but I really must agree with Kay... Don't regress on his sleeping more as much as we hate it, he's only getting older and taking steps backward in his big boy growth cannot be a coping mechanism to life's challenges... What will he do when the next scary situation comes along... Start using diapers again including kindergarten? LOL I know he won't and I hope I don't sound harsh but after all you and he went through to get him in his own bed.. You don't want to have to do this again.
Excellent suggestions (as per usual). So far though the only images I can find that may have implanted the dragon idea in his mind are a cartoon on TreeHouse (I think this is a Canadian only channel, but it's basically Sesame Street, Cayoo, that sort of thing) called Mike the Night in which the dragon is his friend and very child friendly, and a book at his daycare that also has a friendly dragon in it. So worried that even these friendly images have scared him? I will definately take you up on your suggestions though.
We bought another night light today that is much brighter. We had removed the one we had as it had only served to create shadows that I think were scarier then the dark.
Honestly, I am beginning to accept that he may just wind up being a co sleeper for longer even though that was never our plan. Now that he is less squirmy (ie: kicking mommy in the head..lol), it's better. He just seems happier and to sleep better. I don't think it hurts him, so maybe we'll just go with it for now.
We bought another night light today that is much brighter. We had removed the one we had as it had only served to create shadows that I think were scarier then the dark.
Honestly, I am beginning to accept that he may just wind up being a co sleeper for longer even though that was never our plan. Now that he is less squirmy (ie: kicking mommy in the head..lol), it's better. He just seems happier and to sleep better. I don't think it hurts him, so maybe we'll just go with it for now.
Oh, my boys adored dragon tales!! One dressed up as Ord for Halloween one year (the happy blue guy). AND, they LOVED Little Bear! That is so true. Both are good message type of programing for young kids. Both have books as well.
Good idea tired!
Ha. My boys were scared of other things. I couldn't think of any 'nice' versions of those Halloween decorations!! LOL (the Halloween grocery aisle was avoided like the plague . . . too spooky!)
Good idea tired!
Ha. My boys were scared of other things. I couldn't think of any 'nice' versions of those Halloween decorations!! LOL (the Halloween grocery aisle was avoided like the plague . . . too spooky!)
saying you will never allow dragons in the house implies that they exist.
If your current approach of reassuring doesn't work, perhaps you can work to change his impression of dragons and bears. There are some happier programs about dragons that you could utilize like Dragon Tales. This can expose him to cheerier images of dragons, and while he is enjoying them you can discuss that they are not real. If he is fixed on a scary image in his mind while you discuss their existence, he probably won't hear or process what you are saying because he is too busy being scared. Similarly, when he talks about bears, redirect his thoughts to bears that he knows that are nice, like Little Bear (nick jr). Is Little Bear scary? (no). Is he real? (no). You can also find happy books about dragons and bears in the library. Again, use them to change his impressions of them and as a more comfortable way to have these discussions.
I also have a special night light in my kids' room. This light is from Ikea, and while it uses a night light bulb, it's much brighter. That does help.
If your current approach of reassuring doesn't work, perhaps you can work to change his impression of dragons and bears. There are some happier programs about dragons that you could utilize like Dragon Tales. This can expose him to cheerier images of dragons, and while he is enjoying them you can discuss that they are not real. If he is fixed on a scary image in his mind while you discuss their existence, he probably won't hear or process what you are saying because he is too busy being scared. Similarly, when he talks about bears, redirect his thoughts to bears that he knows that are nice, like Little Bear (nick jr). Is Little Bear scary? (no). Is he real? (no). You can also find happy books about dragons and bears in the library. Again, use them to change his impressions of them and as a more comfortable way to have these discussions.
I also have a special night light in my kids' room. This light is from Ikea, and while it uses a night light bulb, it's much brighter. That does help.
As always I appreciate you! I know we will get through this, and love the spray on invisible barrier! Thanks hon!
Oh, don't put him back in your bed!!!!! Your boy will then learn that being scared is a good thing. Secondary reinforcement of behavior.
I had a spray bottle that I sprayed protection spray (water) around their door frame.
I never really went too over the top in comforting and acted very matter of fact about their reaction. I was pretty quick about it. I put away anything that was scary, of course (halloween decorations were bad one year). And I'd give a hug. Spray our spray. Put up the invisible barier. Tell them, no 'dragons' (ours was ghosts and monsters) here!! All safe. And then put them back to bed.
Now, one thing I'll add is that my older son slept with a full lamp on from 2 until 5! It was a 60w bulb lamp with a shade. He wanted that light on and I left it on for him.
I don't know if that helps, but that worked for us. good luck dear
I had a spray bottle that I sprayed protection spray (water) around their door frame.
I never really went too over the top in comforting and acted very matter of fact about their reaction. I was pretty quick about it. I put away anything that was scary, of course (halloween decorations were bad one year). And I'd give a hug. Spray our spray. Put up the invisible barier. Tell them, no 'dragons' (ours was ghosts and monsters) here!! All safe. And then put them back to bed.
Now, one thing I'll add is that my older son slept with a full lamp on from 2 until 5! It was a 60w bulb lamp with a shade. He wanted that light on and I left it on for him.
I don't know if that helps, but that worked for us. good luck dear
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