Child Molestation

[grandma12360]

I am desparate for help...I am 99.9% certain that my grandson is being molested by his father (my son) . I could write a book on all of the things that my grandson has told me and the sexual acting out has been off the charts.  In reading the characteristics of a child being molested, he fits ALL of them to a tee, with the exception of one.  I have done everything in my power to collect "hard evidence" that would be needed for authorities to take this seriously, to no avail.  Sperm detection kit, videotaping the entire family in my home, which is legal.  I left and allowed them to stay in my home for over a month due to their being evicted AGAIN, drug testing (I know that my son drugged him one night and I witnessed the aftermath of the drug affects the next morning while driving him to school.  My grandson is 6.5 yrs old and on the developmental/intellectual level of a 3.5 yr old.  So, not only is my son molesting his child, he is also taking advantage of his disabilities. In retrospect I now realize his older half brother was most certainly molested by my son for many years, he is now 10.  He has been in and out of jail and prison for the prior 4 yrs, yet has been "free" for the past 2 yrs.  The DCF has been called in to the highly dysfunctional home at least 12 times and NOTHING has ever been done to rectify the complaints of abuse and neglect.  These DCF reports were made by police, myself, other family members and teachers.  The MOTHER KNOWS and does nothing to protect her children.  She has had 5 waitressing jobs over the 6 year period and intentionally CHOOSES to work nights (3rd shift).  My son is a severe alcoholic and pot user....sometimes xanax and ectasy as well.  He has a violent temper, rages constantly and has been diagnosed since childhood as borderline sociopath.  The mother is bipolar, sleeps, rages. swears at the children and is also in and out of jail for shoplifting constantly.  I became involved in this nightmare as a young, vivacious woman with a thriving career and many hopes for the future.  That is no longer the case, I am old inside and out, worn out, stressed and worried out of my mind.  I have devoted ALL of my time to taking care of both boys and keeping them out of the hell in their home as much as possible.  My dilemma...if I call the DCF and am once again unsuccesful with their WONDERFUL services, all access to the boys will be stripped from me and I will no longer be able to provide the buffer that they so badly need and am very afraid that he will physically hurt my grandson for telling his secret.  I'm really being tortured knowing that my grandson is being molested.  WHAT CAN I DO???

[jeannettewhitmire]

DCF in Fl Has giving custody of my 7 yr old grandson to his father who has a history of molesting children and was just arrested for sexualy assualting someone over 12 and violated his probation and got house arrest and dcf still placed my grandson with him saying he is his father and has every right to raise him.I have took care of this child for 5 years.im so afraid  of what he will do to him.I have a lawyer but she says in Fl I don't stand much of a chance of getting custody..

[specialmom]

I don't really think that is true.  Sorry for your situation though.

[Abandonedbyfamily]

I also live in Florida, my 6 year old son was molested by his paternal family and maternal aunt my sister when he was three years old. DCF, the police and the courts are sacrificing our children to child molesters and drug addicts. My other sister is a Vice President at Marriott International, when my son first started telling me this when he was three she tried to cover it all up. Ms multi-millionaire does not even care that we are in danger and every agency has told us to move. Mitt Romney was on the board of directors for 11 years and Marriott Corp are crooks. The child molester sister told me people with money can do whatever they want to people that don't have any money because nobody cares. The local domestic violence shelter agrees with her, because it is true. They are still after my son and try to bully me through the courts, DCF and the police. Our system justifies the abusers and blames the victims. Our court are justice for the criminals.

[nursegirl6572]

Oh my.  Just makes me sick.  There are just no words.

If you're sure the cameras are legal...I would advise you continuing to pursue that option, only get better at finding something easier to conceal.  You could even maybe put two or more cameras, one as a "plant" for him to find, thinking he had you figured out, when there are really more cameras he didn't find.  There's bjust got to be a way.  Maybe if you can have someone put a camera in something he wouldn't suspect...something that is always there and hasn't changed in the room.

I can't imagine how hard this must be,,,especially knowing it's your own son who is the monster.  :0(

I hope you can post a good update soon.  VERY best to you.

[grandma12360]

Thank you for your concern and no, I don't view your post as my being "questioned".  I dont know if you were able to read my original post, but I believe that it answers many of your inquiries.  Although my grandson is 6.5 yrs old chronologically, he is quite delayed developmentally.  He was tested last school year for an IEP and the findings were that he was on a 3.5 year old level.  So, he doesnt articulate in language as any other 6 yr old would.  He has said numerous things, which initially began my suspicions.  Very graphic, yet not in full sentences.  The first being "my secret with daddy about private parts".  I didnt even know that secret was in his vocabulary.  I have never questioned him or his brother...only listened and asked innocent sounding follow up questions.  For example "daddy pit (put) milk on my tummy".  My response was, Oh where did daddy get the milk?  Were you guys eating cereal?  Even that sent him into a spell...he has one of the many conditions of autism as well as being delayed.  Your username includes NURSE, so I assume you work in the medical field.  As I understand it, there are 5 different conditions to the anus that a doctor can determine if sodomy has occured.  My grandson puts 3 fingers and almost his entire hand inside himself while bathing.  The cameras were set up in my home, which is legal, only video as audio is never legal by anyone anywhere. One alarm clock and one air purifier, both with built in DVR's that recorded onto removable SD cards.  My apartment is one bedroom and a living room, bath and kitchen.  The videos always worked perfectly unless he draped something over them to block out any footage, usually in the wee hours of the morning when he would come in from the living room after getting drunk and high.  I'm sure he inspected every inch of my apartment and found them because he KNOWS that I KNOW.  The videos were my final attempt at hard evidence.  I now have the ball rolling and will be reporting the case to the DCF through my attorney who specializes in children's rights.  I dont have any real hope that anything will come of the report. Hopefully the boys will be removed from the home and an investigation will ensue.  I just pray that they do remove the boys, as I am very afraid for their safety.  If left in the home, they are in imminent danger.  Thank you again for your thoughts and prayers.

[nursegirl6572]

Oh my.  I'm not sure where to start.  Please don't misinterpret my questions as me questioning you....I just don't understand some things.

How do you know that your grandson's anus is not tight?  Has he (the 6.5 yr old) ever come out and SAID anything about being abused?  My son is 6, and I know he would be able to recite every detail.  

The cameras.  So, you planted hidden cameras (in an alarm clock)?  Any other locations in the home?  Are you SURE that's legal?   HOW would your son know they were there?  Were they in his bedroom, or your grandson's bedroom?

What other "proof" do you have, what evidence have you witnessed that has led you to be so certain their is sexual abuse going on?  

My heart is breaking.  I'm actually tearful, for the kids, and for you.  Being that I have a son at that age, I just cannot imagine him withstanding such horror, and at the hand of his own father.

If indeed your're right....What a travesty that SOMETHING cannot be done to keep those children safe.  I think talking to a lawyer is a GREAT next step.  Find out what all you can do legally to collect evidence.  I would caution you to not overly discuss this with the boys, or ask them a lot of questions...as that could be used against you later.  If your son is as manipulative as you say he is...he's going to use the defense that you put these ideas in the kids' heads.  If someone interviews those boys and they DO say that you have talked to them a lot...then that may backfire on you.

Lord help those children.  You are in my thoughts and prayers.  Children deserve to be safe and cherished.  The system obviously stinks.  That actually makes me sick.  PLEASE try to update this thread when you can...people are going to want to know what is going on.  I'm just so sorry you are going through this.

[grandma12360]

In Florida, DCF stands for Dept. of Children and Family.  Please excuse any confusion from my original post.  The parents have never been investigated for sexual abuse, only physical abuse and child neglect.  I am yet to contact DCF on this matter, as I am scared of the results being the same as all others in the past.  The boys are left in the home and both parents are as well.  The mother was forced to take parenting classes which only made her more bitter and a worse mother than prior to the report.  In other words NOTHING, that is the extent of any measures DCF has ever taken. The half brother is 10 and to my knowledge has never molested my grandson.  MY SON has molested him. When I ask him, he says, "I dont know".  At the age of 8, before returning home at the end of a summer with his biological father he threatened his mom that if stepdad (my son) was there living in the house when he got there, he would not stay.  He came home to find my son still in the home.  He started the school year and within one week made obscene and very inappropriate gestures to teachers (removing his private parts from his pants and saying unimaginable things) in front of the whole class.  Teacher called DCF...they went to the home and he did the identical thing to the female and male DCF workers.  They called the police - he was handcuffed and baker acted to a childs mental hospital.  I thought for sure that they would be able to get the truth from him while he was there.  No luck there, they sent him home and he ran away.  When they found him, the DCF along with the police again handcuffed him and baker acted him to the same mental hospital.  A few days later he was released with a diagnosis of being bipolar.  The child was practically screaming out through his sexual actions and running away that he was being molested.  Neither parent nor the boys were removed.  My grandson (6 yrs old) has been sodomized , I believe with much certainty, due to the lack of tightness in his anus.  I believe that my son started with small objects many years ago as to not create evidence through tearing.  My son is VERY smart and very manipulative.  The videotaping did not work, as he obviously knew the cameras were there all along.  He got out of bed at 3AM, grabbed a dark cloth of some kind and draped it over the covert alarm clock, making the camera go black until he removed it the next morning just in time to grab his pillow and blanket and head for the sofa in the living room before his wife returned from work,  Another indication to me that she knows.  There were 9 nights that he would set his phone alarm and repeat the same jumping out of bed and going to the sofa with pillow and blanket.  She has obviously forbid him to sleep with my grandson in the same bed.    I appreciate all of the comments I am receiving and assume that all or most are from other states,  Florida is known for their DCF incompetence.  So many children die after countless reports to the DCF and they "investigate" and leave the children with their homes.  There is just SO MUCH that has happened and things said to me and other family members by both boys. I am phoning an attorney tomorrow as well as a few child advocacy groups to get fully prepared to call the DCF and take the leap of faith with their services.

[Nighthawk61]

(In retrospect I now realize his older half brother was most certainly molested by my son for many years, he is now 10.  He has been in and out of jail and prison for the prior 4 yrs, yet has been "free" for the past 2 yrs). I'm thinking that this may be the key for you to bring up with "DCF" What does DCF stand for? How old is the "older half brother" and are you able to talk with him? How do you know that he molested his half brother? Can you talk to this ":half brother"?

[nola0805]

I think that DCF is CPS.

So as I understand it, you (and others) have contacted DCF and yet your son and his wife still have custody, and you are afraid of contacting them again because you may lose access to the boys?

First, let me say that I am really sorry that you and your grandsons are going through this - it must be very hard to witness.  You already are doing a lot by being there for your grandsons to provide stability and a safe haven as much as you can.  They are so lucky to have you.

I agree with special mom - I would contact DCF again.  How much have you told them already?  Has anything new happened that you can inform them about? I can imagine that it is frustrating to call with concerns and then have nothing happen but all you can do is to keep contacting them with new concerns.  Maybe this call is the one that will result in the boys' removal.  Also, if the boys are removed from your son, I would try to not worry about having them stripped from you - my understanding and experience with DCF is that they often look to family members for placement.  And the most important thing is to get them to a permanent safe place.

Good luck to you.  Hang in there.

[adgal]

In addition to all the excellent advice Specialmom gave you....

Are there any other family members or friends that have witnessed anything?  I'm also curious as to what CPS has done in terms of investigation.  Typically, in a situation like this they would have the child undergo both a physical exam (by a Dr.) as well as time spent with a therapist.  They do not close files, but they do require evidence to remove a child from his or her home.  This is a good thing, but as a colleague of mine often says "it always seems we are 5 minutes to early or 5 minutes to late".  Keep fighting for your grandson.  Journal everything, every single detail.  Ask others who may witness the behaviors to do the same.  It's really important to have everything as detailed as possible.  I'm also curious as to what happened with any possible physical or videotaped evidence?  Was anything ever caught?

I would also suggest a lawyer that does family law.  It would be a good idea to file for Grandparents rights in order to protect your right to see your Grandchildren.

[specialmom]

Call child protective services with everything you know.  Tell them about the drugging of the child along with everything else.  Offer any evidence you have but they don't need to to begin investigating.  They'll lose the boy but he must be protected.  CPS protects kids and you need to also mention that you fear for his physical safety as they investigate.  CPS will contact the police.  All should work together for the benefit of this child.  Get the ball rolling and be the best witness against your son that you can be.  Lots of luck and bless you for saving a child.