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Child sex play or abuse
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Child sex play or abuse

My daughter is 5 years old and she has been playing with the neighbor boy 10,  for the past 2 1/2 years. My daughter being so much younger sometimes gets the cold shoulder when his other friends are around but when there is no one else to play with they play fine. We were at the neighbors last night and when it was time to go home I went into the bedroom to get my daughter and when I opened the door the boy was startled and stood up when he did this I saw his penis was out over the top of his waistband and I asked him what he was doing he insisted nothing and was very restless searching for something to do so he did not have to talk to me. I told his mother what I saw and walked home with my daughter, when I got home I asked her innocently "what were ya'll doing" she said they were playing a game and would not make eye contact with me I was patient but insistent that she tell me what happened she said that "he was putting it here" she stood up and pointed to her butt. I was devastated, disturbed confused etc... I pulled her shorts down and noticed she had red spot on her butt cheeks like maybe something made contact not abrasions or bruising just red like it had been recently touched. I am very disturbed he did not penetrate but I feel very strongly that he viloated my daughter. I don't know what to do. I am very angry at him, Do I report this to the police. Please help I am sooooo lost

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Avatar_f_tn
I feel for you -- what a horrible thing to have happen.

Yes-- you have to report this to the police. Here is why:

-- he is 10-- much older than your daughter--he knows what this stuff means
-- he may just have been experimenting, but the fact is he was trying to talk another person into sexual activity-- a person younger than him, and was trying to influence her-- this is very dangerous behavior
-- Obviously, you will never let them be together again-- so you don't have to worry about continuous abuse for your daughter from this child, but
-- this other child has a problem and needs help.

If this type of thing had occurred between 2 five year olds I would say that its probably much more likely to be completely innocent. However, ten year olds don't do this to young children unless there is something wrong.

Additionally, I would talk to someone in your area about what to do for your daughter right now. I would call a crises center and get some advice about the best approach here. Things like this can really upset a child - and you want to be prepared to handle her reaction and help her through this.
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433383_tn?1204128429
I agree.  That boy is 10, he really shouldn't have been playing with such a younger girl anyway.  He knows what it is or he wouldn't have been so embarrassed to say anything to you.    You should certainly report it.  Tell your daughter that that place is a private place and NO ONE touches her there.   My daughter is 4 and knows full well that no one is to touch her "special places".   She also knows about strangers and what to do if someone tries to take her.  You need to have this talk with your daughter.   If it happens in the future, she'll be prepared to say no, she'll know what her abuser is doing is very wrong.  

Call the police and make a report, they may not be able to do anything but at least it will be in writing and available if necessary.  You should also speak to someone at your local child welfare center/social services/etc. and have your daughter see a counselor just to help her understand things a little better - hopefully that situation won't cause her permanent damage.   Poor girl, I would be extremely upset if I were you as well.  I give you big thumbs up for taking it seriously and big hugs to help you and your little one get through this.  
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442270_tn?1208029921
I very much agree with the two previous comments. A 10 year old knows better and should be playing with kids his own age not a 5 year old. If you had not walked in he probably would have penetrated her. You def need to have something done about this because he could do it again to someones else's little girl as well. I wish you and your little girl the best of luck and my thoughts and prayers are with you.  
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Avatar_f_tn
Remember that this boy is only 10 years old. Although the five-year age difference is definitely concerning, this is not a child with fully developed cognitive abilities and judgment. Depending on where this occurred, the laws in some states may lead to this boy being listed as a lifelong sex offender. I agree that he likely has problems, he took advantage of a much younger child, and your daughter may need support during this time. However, one of the most important variables in situations of this kind is how adults respond to the children and their behavior. There are centers for trauma and abuse or child sexual abuse where you could bring your daughter and this boy's mother could bring him. You need to understand the impact of what happened on your daughter. Try to get some expert consultation in your area. If you need help locating local resources, please post to this list your general vicinity or you can call Safer Society in Brandon, VT for referral information. Good luck, and I'm sorry this happened to your daughter.
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Avatar_f_tn
Thank you all for your support and advice. To the people responding about the kids playing together and the age difference, on screen it all seems so cut and dry, but we are not only neighbors but we are family, I have been to her kids b-days and her to mine. The kids are usually outside jumping on the trampoline or playing in the dirt under our supervision, I also have a 10 year old nephew who happens to be the neighbors best friend so all though it may sound wrong or gullible I thought we were all like family and NEVER saw this coming, this is a mothers worst nightmare. This boy is so child like and a little immature for his age not at all sexual I don't know where this behavior came from. I have taught my daughter since she was in diapers that her private parts were hers and NO ONE was to ever view or touch them unless it was a Dr.. I have had all the conversations, all the talks.. it baffles me that she did not come out of the room screaming. While talking about this with my child she does not even seem a little disturbed or trumatized, she asked me this afternoon if she could go outside and jump with him on the trampoline, she does not seem to understand the implications of this behavior. I told her it was inaapropriate and wrong that he did that to her and she just says OK and moves on. I don't want to under react, but at the same time I don't want to over react, if that is possible.. I feel like choking him and shaking him....,,,, but he is just a child also... I am still so confuse and maybe rambling. Again thank you.......
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Avatar_f_tn
If you can bear it, ask your daughter to tell you the details of what happened. Where were they, what did he say/do, how did she feel? Did he tell her anything about not telling anyone? Did he make her any promises if she did what he asked? What has been you contact with the boy's mother since? Has she talked with her son? How seriously are they taking this? What about your son? Did you tell him what happened? Has he ever seen this boy playing any sexual games or asking him to join in? More details need to be uncovered. You may not be up for doing it. I agree with your concern about under and over reaction. It's likely that everyone will want this to "just go away" without delving into it more unless you pursue it in some way. Start asking questions. And, if I may suggest, no more closed doors when kids are at anyone's houses. Best wishes to you and your family.
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152852_tn?1205717026
I just wanted to say that from your description of him as being very childlike, I have to seriously wonder if someone hasn't sexually abused him or if someone isn't currently abusing him (ongoing).  I've always heard that if a child does this to a younger child, it likely was done, or is being done, to him by an older child/adult.

Definitely get your daughter help--at least YOU go and talk to a child therapist with experience in counseling for this.  Explain what happened and ask how you should support her and see if the therapist wants to have a meeting with your daughter.  The therapist may advise you about how to handle encouraging the boy's family to get the boy help.

In the meantime, I would insist (to the parents) that this boy see someone--and I would tell the parents that you feel so strongly about this (about his getting help), that you will either talk to a therapist about it yourself or you will call child protective services to ask them for their thoughts on it all if they (the parents) don't take action.  If he's being or has been sexually abused by the father, they (the father) may totally resist taking him to see someone, but that's all the more reason to notify your therapist or CPS to ask them what you should do and if they should intervene on the boy's behalf.
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433383_tn?1204128429
I understand how difficult it must be to intervene and cause tension between a longtime friend/neighbor.  But I don't think you'd be overreacting.  It's good that your daughter isn't upset by it and that you've taken the precautions by telling her about it.  I'm sorry if I assumed you hadn't, I didn't mean to hurt you.   But I still think you should take some action so that your daughter and any other young children don't wind up doing the same thing.  I agree with the above post as well, it sometimes is a sign that the "abuser" is the victim somehow.  I believe it needs to be investigated, questioned, by you and his parents at least.  God Bless.  

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Avatar_f_tn
I have been talking to his mother, there is no father or male in the home, and she has punished him as well as talked to him, he is reluctant to say anything, he is embarrassed and ashamed and I think those are healthy emotions in this case. He has an appointment with a therapist set up for Monday and hopefully things will be revealed that will shed some light. I apologize if I was defensive in my last post, I was sure that this kind of thing would never happen to my child because I have been diligent in educating her in appropriate and non appropriate touches, I was less than 15 ft away in the same house and I feel incredibly guilty that I did not protect her. It seems that complacency and familiarity should not be taken as security and safety. In any other home my child does not play behind closed doors but I thought of this child as my own they are like siblings, my mistake, you NEVER know what has happened to other children behind closed doors that they might take out or pass down to another child. I have talked to the judge in town whom is a friend of both of ours and she has told us to handle with extreme caution or we will never know the truth. Thank you all for your blessings and advice.
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Avatar_f_tn
I have been talking to his mother, there is no father or male in the home, and she has punished him as well as talked to him, he is reluctant to say anything, he is embarrassed and ashamed and I think those are healthy emotions in this case. He has an appointment with a therapist set up for Monday and hopefully things will be revealed that will shed some light. I apologize if I was defensive in my last post, I was sure that this kind of thing would never happen to my child because I have been diligent in educating her in appropriate and non appropriate touches, I was less than 15 ft away in the same house and I feel incredibly guilty that I did not protect her. It seems that complacency and familiarity should not be taken as security and safety. In any other home my child does not play behind closed doors but I thought of this child as my own they are like siblings, my mistake, you NEVER know what has happened to other children behind closed doors that they might take out or pass down to another child. I have talked to the judge in town whom is a friend of both of ours and she has told us to handle with extreme caution or we will never know the truth. Thank you all for your blessings and advice.
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