Child sexual behavior

HELP?  I have a son that is seven years old and is the last of five children.  The others are 15yr boy, 12yr girl, 10yr boy, 9yr girl.  My small son has just been diagnosted with  Developmental Aphasia that has caused him to have a Global language disorder.  

     Now, I have been able to deal with this problem however, another one has surfaced that I fear more.  Just, a few weeks ago my seven year old son asked a four year old boy to kiss his private and butt.  I took this serious and talked to my son and reinforced some does and don't.  I handled it this way because I wasnt sure what happened.  


      For the last six weeks I reinforced what I discussed with him.  The last time I did this was tuesday.  Well, Wed. night at church my son corned a four yr old girl and pulled his paints down, pushed her down and then rubbed his self on her.  

      What a shock!!!   What shall i do.  I am fearful for other children and fearful that my son has been tought this....   Either at school or in the neighborhood....   What can I do?  I don't think spanking will solve this problem....   Any advice would be grateful..   One upset father!!!!
  

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Dear Howard,

Your son's behavior indicates that, somehow, he has been exposed to sexual behavior and is reacting to that exposure. It will be important to figure out just how he has learned about what he has been doing, with particular focus on whether he himself has been sexually mistreated in a direct way.

You are doing the common-sense thing by setting strict limits on such behavior. If there's any recurrence, it's perfectly appropriate to punish him for the behavior. I agree with you that spanking him is not the most sensible thing to do. Some period of time out, along with restriction from some form of recreation (e.g., TV), would be appropriate. In addition, an apology directed toward the person he mistreated would be in order.

[Kelly to Dr. KDK]

Dear Howard,
I am not a doctor, and certainly don't want to impinge on the doctor's advice, but I would just like to add my two cents to whatever the doc's advice may be.  I am a social worker and I work with children who have been abused in a variety of ways, including sexually.  And the behaviors that you noted are seen very often in children who have been exposed to sexual situations.  Ordinarily, from what I know, children this age are curious about their bodies and often will touch themselves.  But it is not typical for them to engage in obviously sexual acts with other people as has occurred here.  I feel that you are correct to be concerned and should not ignore the situation.  It is very possible that your son has seen or experienced similar acts.  I would take it very seriously and would question him about whether he has seen these acts or if anyone has ever touched him in this manner.  You may want to enlist the help of a therapist.  And I definitely would not spank him, as this would only reinforce the shame that comes with sexual abuse.   I would also try to make sure that he is not alone with other children until you can be sure they will be safe.  Good luck and I hope you find the help you need to get yourself and your son through this.  It's obvious that you love him very much, and he needs to know that that love will be unconditional even if he has been abused.  A lot of abused children feel that if they disclose the abuse, they will be punished, blamed or that those close to him won't love him anymore.  YOur love and support will go a long way towards recovery.  Good luck!