Children who sleep with parents

My nephew, who will 12 in December, still insists on sleeping with his parents. He has been permitted to sleep in their bed since he was born. Recently, his parents separated and will be divorced soon. Both parents are with other people now and my nephew still insists on sleeping with his parents at each house. He throws a fit if either suggests he sleep in his own bed. He is extremely large for his age and towers over the other kids his own age. Over the years, he has also abused smaller children to the point that he almost drowned a small girl in his parents swimming pool. He has also hurt family pets. He is very controlling with his parents and demands attention from them. When he is with his father and is told no, he immediately calls mom who then rakes dad over the coals, so to speak. I am wondering if there is some kind of abuse that could be brought against my brother (the father) who is still sleeping with his son who is so old. This is a major concern and I worry about my brother. I am wits end trying to deal with all this and am so afraid that someone is going to get hurt by my nephew. My brother thinks there is not a problem and only wants to keep his "baby" a baby for as long as possible. Is that sick or what? Thanks.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Your nephew does need some help, but there is not much you can do, to be frank. It is up to his parents to seek help, but as long as they do not perceive that there is a problem they will likely not do so. In and of itself, the sleeping arrangement is not abusive and is not a reason to lodge a complaint, however misguided the situation is.

[skiddles51]

Thanks for your reply. It just seems so unhealthy for my nephew. He hides it from his peers and I fear what will become of his behavior. I have talked to my brother about him but he tells me since his son is his "baby" , he chooses to keep him that way for as long as he can. It just seems odd to me. I am raising two grandsons now who are 16 and 13. I have had them since they were very young. They have always slept in their own beds and are very independent. Thanks again for your help.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

I don't blame you for being concerned. This child clearly needs help, as does his father. Whern parents are unable to see the problem it is very difficult, if not impossible, to have an impact on the situation.