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Clothing Issue
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Clothing Issue

My husband and I are having a very difficutl time trying to figure out how to handle our 5 year old daughters clothing issue. Many people have asked if we think she has a sensory problem but I don't think that is it.  About a year and a half ago she started with not liking tags on the back of her clothes so we tried to buy tagless clothing. Than she started complaining about socks, indicating the that the start and end of the line that goes across the top of the toes would bother her. Than it would be certain pants would bother her and if they were slightly to big where she could still wear them but when she pulled up her shirt and could see her underwear she couldn't wear them.  Shirts that she has worn the week before she can't wear now because all of sudden they are itchy.  

I don't think it is a sensory thing because of a couple situations that have happened in the past to led me to believe otherwise. One example is we were recently visiting her Grandmother and we had to stay at a hotel with other relatives.  We were having a very difficult time trying to get her clothes on (which happens every morning) and she was complaining about them as normal and her little cousin came knocking on our hotel room and as soon as my daughter saw her she threw on her clothes no problem and went and played with her. She had no problems with the clothes the rest of the day.  

My husband has to get her ready for school everyday and he goes through the same episode everyday and she is literally running out the door pulling her clothes because she is going to miss the bus.  We have had the same issues with getting her ready for bed.

We have tried several tactics. Giving her three choices of what to pick from, giving her two choices of what to pick from, and just letting her pick it out from her drawer and if it doesn't match it doesn't match.  I have brought her along clothes shopping so she can pick it out, as well.  

We don't know what to do anymore and it is putting a horrible stress on not only our other kids but my husband and I .  

Need advice!!!
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Avatar_n_tn
Well, from what I've read about sensory integration disorder, it sounds like she might very well have a problem with sensory issues. The fact that she was able to put her clothes on, and run out with her cousin, is not necessarily proof that she doesn't have a problem. From what I've read, it isn't always perfectly consistent.  I don't know enough about it though, to tell you that she for sure does, and I'm not a doctor or occupational therapist.  But, it could be , as you said, just a behavioral issue that is by choice. But to me, it sounds as if she truly can't help feeling the way she does about clothes and that maybe she has a sensory problem and can't deal with it. Maybe the bedtime thing is linked to her not wanting the sheets to tough her skin? I have no idea. But I would just get a referral for an occupational therapist, or ask your pediatrician, just to be sure,  as it seems to be causing you all a lot of headaches , including your daughter.   I hope this helps.
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Avatar_f_tn
OMG - my son is EXACTLY the same way.  If his socks aren't perfectly lined up - it drives him crazy.  And it all started with the tags -  he is 10 now - and all he wears is soft sweat pants and soft t-shirts - no jeans - no sweaters..  getting dressed to go out if we have an occasion to go to - is a nightmare!  I always thought it was just a control thing - (which obviously - he won because I decided to stop arguing with him and just let him wear sweats) - because he would get sooo upset over it.  It really wasn't worth arguing about - I just try to buy the socks he likes and the materials he likes so its not an issue.  I don't know anything about sensory issues though.. what are we supposed to do if they do have sensory issues??  
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Avatar_n_tn
Well, I dont' know what kind of therapy the occupational therapist would recommend, but that is the reason you go see people like that. They are the experts on this type of situation. I have no idea what treatment is, but it's most likely counseling, and perhaps some working with different materials and textures and situations? I have only read about this, and it's a very real disorder, caused by missed connections in the brain , neurological connections. But , I guess what you really have to decide is , is this really normal behavior? I don't think it is. And it's very likely that neither one of these kids can help what they are feeling. Why would they center their lives around such a trivial issue, and get so upset to the point of crying and freaking out over something like clothing and the way if feels on their skin? Sounds to me like it might be something they can't control.  I don't know though, all you can really do is look into it.
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Avatar_f_tn
I strongly suspect you are dealing with DSI - Disorder of Sensory Integration.  A sensory integration problem is at the level of the brain where one can not combine all the information that is being received from the five senses (there is simply too much information), and thus, the person has trouble putting them all into one meaningful datum or understanding.  Your child is not being obstinate and difficult; he/she is feeling very uncomfortable and confused.  DSI may increase in intensity as the child is introduced into new and "strange" environments, as school.  

An excellent book is "the highly sensitive child" by Elaine N. Aron which can be purchased at your local bookstore or on-line, or borrowed from your public library.  If you do a google search of either the author's name or her book, you should find a website which has more information.  Additional searches of the internet using ""sensory integration disorder" or "sensory integration" or "DSI' should give you more information.  With help, your child should learn to cope and manage this disorder; however, he/she will not outgrow it nor will it go away.
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Avatar_n_tn
My children don't have this disorder, I was only giving advice to the other two posters.  I do think , as you do, that perhaps it is this type of disorder and that they need help. However , only a doctor or occupational therapist  can make that diagnosis, so I hope they look into it for the sake of their kids.
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Avatar_f_tn
I am sorry you misunderstood my posting.  I was only trying to impart information.  I addressed the post to all three of previous posters but only two names showed up.  The use of words as "your child" and "his/her" was intended to be a non-specific reference to any child suffering from this disorder.   The "you" in the first sentence was referring to the original poster.  There was no diagnosis given and the post was intended to further understanding of this disorder and to allow further research by those interested  - not only to the three posters involved, but to anyone else who might be reading our posts.
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Avatar_n_tn
uhhh, I never said you  "gave a diagnosis" perhaps you need to reread my last post, as it was in no way implying anything like that nor was it written in an attack like manner.  There really isn't any need to be defensive.  
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Avatar_n_tn
I think you posted on the doctor's forum and I replied.  My daughters and I are the same way.  I don't know about all of this sensory business as I read about it and it is related to other disorders.  However, I am gifted and so are my children. Intelligent people will sometimes have these kinds of issues. I allow my children to pick out their own clothing. If my daughter wants to wear her socks with the outside in so that she doesn't feel the thread--that is fine too--unless she is wearing a dress and the sock is visible.

Psychiatric disorders are real and I am not knocking psychiatry, but sometimes people go overboard.
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Avatar_n_tn
Yeah, you're right I think about people going overboard,  especially going overboard with  things like obsessing over what kinds of socks, tags, textures, and how far up and down their panties are. I'm sorry, but the behaviors that are described here, by two of the posters with these troubles, are Not normal, nor are they just something someone who is "intelligent" does. I am very intelligent, with an above average IQ (somewhere in the 130's), and I don't seem to have this problem, my husband, who is a bonafied genius (gifted) according to all the tests he's taken, also doesn't seem afflicted with this obsession over clothing and how it's put on, and what it feels like, and whether or not the ridge of the sock is on his foot. I don't know, but it seems to me like, if this is such an issue that a parent is concernced about it, or it's causing ridiculous tantrums and hours of stalling and preparation in the morning and dressing is a "nightmare", then,,, it's not just a "gifted" thing, it's serious. From what I've read, and been told by docs, this sensory integration disorder is very real, and does not necessarily have to accompany another disorder to be present.  I found out more about it when I asked a question about my niece, which was answered by one of the docs on the forum. He suggested she might have this problem as well. Anyway, a boy refusing to wear anything but sweats , because he can't physically "take" wearing anything else,,, I'm just wondering why someone would think it's "overboard" to think maybe this kid has a problem he can't control or help , and that it's real, and not just a bunch of "psychobabble".  It's true, perhaps the girl, has no real issue, except just a preference, but if it was enough of a problem for the parent to ask a doctor and for advice, then I somehow doubt that  it's just preference. At any rate, the people on these forums, are only giving their honest opinion, best advice they can, or personal experiences. So there's no need to say people go overboard or imply that the other posts are silly and warrantless. Just a thought.   I hope you other two posters with the trouble figure out what's bothering your kids, as it must be a source of discord in your lives and homes. Good luck.
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Avatar_n_tn
I said that because the mother stated that she doesn't think her child has a sensory problem as she has witnessed conflicting behavior/attitude towards clothing.
Nope--not all gifted people have sensory issues.  I'm just stating a fact within my own family.
By the way--it isn't just preference--the point in allowing the child to pick out his or her own clothing is to help them feel in control and to identify clothing that they cannot tolerate.  Who says a child must wear jeans even if he or she cannot tolerate them?  I barely tolerate them as an adult.  
I did not imply anyone was being silly.
I only mentioned the gifted aspect as most people are unaware of this...you seem to have a problem with that primarily.
I think it is quite rude that you bash someone for giving advice when you post that others are trying to give their advice--which is all I was doing.
Get a hobby--other than finding problems with advice givers.

"Psychiatric disorders are real and I am not knocking psychiatry, but sometimes people go overboard."

I never dismissed anything as 'psychobabble'.

Reading comprehension is an aspect of intelligence-you must not have passed that section.

The reason why gifted people are often afflicted (clothing issue) is because they are often very emotional/perceptive--increased sensory perception.

Not all gifted people exhibit this and there are varying degrees and conditions of giftedness.



Maybe her daughter is gifted?  Ever think of that?  Maybe her daughter would like to be asked what to wear rather than be forced to wear something intolerable.

If you don't like my opinion--don't respond.  I wasn't writing to you anyway.

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Avatar_n_tn
Actually, I have been tested in the area of "reading comprehension" and got the highest score my university could give out, I took this test so that I could skip a particular class. At any rate,  if you do some research, you'll see the most people; up to 70% of people with sensory problems, aren't gifted at all, on the contrary, they are learning disabled. Ahhhh, now I'm going to read a post back about how I said these kids were retarded too. Not.  As for your idiotic comment about kids "having" to wear jeans, I never said anything of the sort, and if you'll recall (unless you're too busy thinking about what clothes you're going to wear, and how you're going to get around the fact that your socks don't feel "right")  the Parents of these kids are the ones complaining about having an issue with this kind of thing when it comes to their children. I never said to anyone, that they must wear jeans, or that kids who don't, are weird or sensory disordered. You clearly are not gifted,  or if you are, it's only in the art of avoidance and misinformation.  You don't have to be all out of sorts about clothing or different textures, to be considered emotional or perceptive. I'm sorry, but you just seem like you're so full of , well you know. Your comments strike me as nothing but endless, meaningless rhetoric that is perhaps coming from a place of shame? Since you say you also have these issues with clothing, and perhaps don't want to acknowledge that there might be something wrong, rather than just "Extreme Intelligence" at work here?  Whatever you say.  You say "if you don't like my opinion don't respond". Please don't try to hide the fact that your first post was making light of all the other posters by saying that people go "overboard"  for brining up the sensory issue, we both know that is what you meant. So if you are going to say it, then stand by it, otherwise , shut the hell up.  Have a nice day! ;-)
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Avatar_n_tn
In an earlier post to HER, I mentioned a denim issue with my child and myself. We simply do not like restrictive clothing.
Regarding overboard, the woman did not think SID was a problem, and I am sure she looked it up.  She was looking for possible alternative reasons and how to deal with the problem. Overboard means people overreact to something minor--like you have done with your quote below.
I think you should take your own advice regarding your quote "shut the hell up".
I never touted my 'extreme intelligence'.  I was just explaining from my experiences--just like everyone else on here--you are one with the problem regarding my gifted comment.

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Avatar_n_tn
Before you fire off another scathing review of my latest, I would like to say:

I have never mentioned my giftedness outside of my family.  I was tested at a very early age because I taught myself to read by the age of 3. I learned by asking family members what things said and by memorizing things in rhythmic patterns.  I could read on an adult leavel at the age of 7.

My girls are gifted, but I do not make a big show of it.  My family never made a big show of my giftedness--I was tested by the school system.

I thought it would be easier to talk about it online as I have always had to downplay my intelligence to fit in--you have proven that even in an online setting gifted people are treated differently and scrutinized far more than others.

As for your reading comprehension scores:

I am sure you are proud of your achievement and you very well should be.

Congratulations.

By the way--I have "no place of shame".  I have my own personal problems--just like everyone else.

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Quote:

Counseling, Multiple Exceptionality, and Psychological Issues


Along with intensity, one typically finds in gifted individuals an extreme sensitivity--to emotions, sounds, touch, taste, etc. These children may burst into tears while watching a sad event on the evening news, keenly hear fluorescent lights, react strongly to smells, insist on having the tags removed from their shirts, must touch everything, or are overly reactive to touch in a tactile-defensive manner.

http://www.sengifted.org/articles_counseling/Webb_MisdiagnosisAndDualDiagnosisOfGiftedChildren.shtml

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Avatar_n_tn
Dude, you're just nuts. Good luck with that.....   Merry Christams. ;-)

ps. you are the one who started slinging 2nd grade mud, and brought up that retarded comment about "reading comprehension" not me. I was simply addressing it. I do happen to only have a BS in business admin,  graduated Magna *** Laude. And no, I'm not that proud of my education, as a baccalaureate degree is not such a big deal and is the minimum in this day and age to be able to get a job. Not that it matters, since I'm the stay at home mom of two right now. Take care! LOL..............
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Avatar_n_tn
By the way, my daughter read at age 3 also and had memorized complete books, it's a very Normal thing for young kids to do, and not all that extraordinary, she's not gifted to my knowledge,  just a normal everyday 10 year old, and only reads on a 7th grade level, gee, that sucks doesn't it?  Honey, you're just not as special as you'd like to think you are.  Get over yourself.  
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Avatar_n_tn
Oh and one more thing.... if you really want to know about being gifted, then ask my husband, aside from being a genius, he is a vice principal at a middle school, and has, let me see...  a BS, two masters degrees and is completing his Eds,  in education ,PhD is next. He knows a heck of a lot more about you than what requires someone to be called "gifted" or "special ed"....  and according to him, the things you describe, are not signs of being gifted at all , yes, he read your posts and couldn't stop laughing.  Gifted has nothing to do with emotions, it only has to do with being able to uptake and synthesize information,  in other words the ability to learn or use information. And according to him, people who are tested as "gifted" as children,  do not necessarily qualify as gifted as adults.  Look up Piaget's theory of learning developmental stages.  Different kids will learn different things at different times, and just because a child can read at 3 doesn't mean they will be gifted till adulthood, or have an increased IQ.  IQ is the ability to learn, but that ability is Finite....  

You should Really really  stop  shouting about how damn gifted you are, as you're only embarrassing yourself.   And no one treated you "differently" because you're gifted, it's because you're a witch.  And if you think that this is true, then stop freaken telling people you're gifted! You are the one putting it out there.  Tooting your own horn so to speak, then you whine when you say  you are treated "differently"  ???  But as I said, it is not because you're gifted, it's because you're a jerk.  
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I'm doing my master's and applying to PhD programs. I have been a stay-at-home mother while doing my studies. I'm sorry you have a problem with my being gifted--actually--I am labelled as something more than gifted--it is just that it does not feel right to go around announcing it.  I'm happy your husband is a genius.  

By the way--I was just explaining how I was tested--I never sough the tests.  The school system did because of my advanced reading level.  I was reading adult British literature at the age of 7--with comprehension.
I was never told my results as it was never important for my family or me to feel "special".
My point in writing on here was to share my experience and to show other parents that their child may be gifted as well.  The article I referenced is about how gifted children are overlooked and given alternative diagnoses--like ADD and Autism.

I recently read an article where a boy was diagnosed with Autism but it turns out he was a gifted visual spacial learner.

I believe each person's mind develops at different points in their lives.  I was horrible at math to the point of having a learning disability; however, I can now do math as an adult. What was once very difficult became easy.  I believe that areas of the brain can actually develop at different rates.
If you want--you win.

I never brought up my giftedness to say that I am special--I brought it up to help other parents look for it in their children.

You are the one who originally attacked my post--I never wrote to you in the first place.  As another poster said about you on another forum--you really should just read and respond to what the original person wrote--you should not read others' writing.  And by the way--if people want to be defended on line by you--they will let you know.

You are the truly gifted one and your husband is a genius.

I am--your words--

"a witch"
" a jerk"
and I am
"embarrassing myself"

Thanks for telling me--

I wasn't bright enough to figure it out on my own.

Good luck to you and your family.

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alex,  it's really possible that she has sensory issues but she's able to put those aside over the excitement of seeing a beloved cousin.  I think that's the way the brain works - joy,  and "fun",  create calming chemicals that make you feel better if you're sick,  or probably help with nagging sensory issues.  

And if she's anxious about going to school in the morning - and I think all kids have a little heightened anxiety on school mornings - then probably her sensory issues feel much worse.

It sounds to me like she really does feel uncomfortable and she's not just stalling or trying to get attention,  etc.

Best wishes.
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Avatar_f_tn
She might have sensory issues or it could be just her age. Sometimes children are defiant when they turn a certain age--it is a part of their development.  Maybe you should sit down and talk to her about what clothing she would rather wear and why. It might help you understand why she prefers some types of clothing to others.
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Avatar_n_tn
Two of my sons have Asperger's, a type of autism, and they both have clothing issues. In fact, that's how I foudn this thread, trying to find ways to deal with it. The 3yo pitches a fit almost every time I have to change his clothes. Once in a while, he will get dressed if the clothing pleases him. It seems as though he has to pick it out or if it has the motif of one of the things he's crazy about, then he'll wear it...maybe. I am SO tired of the fights every morning trying to get him dressed!

The older one has issues mainly with shoes, says that the socks bunch up and feel bad when he puts the shoes on.

I actually have Asperger's too...and I remember stripping naked as a kid all the time. Apparently it was very difficult to keep clothing on me. I didn't like elastic waistbands, but I don't remember having serious issues with other clothing.

So, if he has other issues, like preferring to play alone, being very focused on one interest (whales, or dinosaurs, or Thomas the tank engine or vaccuums or any very singular interest), making poor eye contact, walking around on tiptoes, and throwing tantrums for no reason at all that you cannot soothe him out of, you might want to get him screened for an autism spectrum disorder.
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I read your original post and wanted to add that sensory issues vary day to day and throughout the day.  There can be problems of habituating to sensations (or sounds if the difficulty is with the auditory sense).  And children with these types of difficulties also tend to have a different type of attention/focus.  So that if something gets their attention they effectively can lose body sensation.  My son will sit in his class at school with his jumper on sweating, and even when the teacher suggests he take it off because he must be hot he will refuse saying he isn't hot.  That is because whilst in the classroom there is other sensory stimulation he is focused on meaning that his sensory system has to shut down other senses to cope.  In that case he loses internal body sensation to regulate temperature, but it can also include not being able to feel the need to go to the toilet, or not feel hungry or thirsty.  As soon as he leaves school he quickly identifies for himself that he is hot and removes his jumper!  My son is on the autistic spectrum.  I also have sensory issues and are not on the spectrum.  Both of us have issues with tags, seams, fabrics, socks, shoes, going barefoot.  We are both touch sensitive and have hyper sense of smell.  My son is more sensitive than me.  And at other times his senses seem unresponsive - so he might hurt himself and not feel pain or not feel the level of pain he should feel with that time of injury.  He appears deaf and covers his ears at other noises etc.
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