Clothing is an issue

My 4 1/2 year old daughter has had a clothing issue for a year now. It began with tops , then shoes, pants, now underwear. I have 2 other grown children and they had the normal socks and shoe issues as all kids do. My youngest is   out of control. It is a fight every second of the day to dress her. But once I finally get her to wear what ever the issue is for the day, she's fine. She even says that it's all better. But the fight and the time it takes to go through this is killing me. I am a single mom of 3 and I work 40-60 hours a week and I just dont have the energy to fight anymore. My youngest daughter's father does not support me in this. I have told him over and over again, we have to stick to our guns and make her wear this, no exceptions! If we give up because she screams and throws a tantrum, she wins. We need to be the boss, not her. We can give her choices but they are choices that she can choose from that we picked. I dont know what to do or even what's really wrong with her. What is making her do this. I thought she had sensitive nerves where she cant have clothes on her skin, but because the fact I have made her put things on and as time passes, she is fine. I have a feeling it's a power struggle. When will this end, what can I do to find out and make this living arrangement easier on all of us. I need to know what type of doctor to go to for advise and I need her father to go as well so he will understand how important it is to follow through. I have her every other day and when her dad has her, she goes to school in tank tops ( this is winter and it's raining) and no socks, as I am making sure that when I take her to school she wears long sleeves and socks and pants and fresh underwear.So when I pick her up from school this is what I get, a little cold ragamuffin. I need a doctor or therapist to help me in our family routines or disipline in what to do. Guide me in how to handle this appropriately and diagnose her.Who should I call?

[specialmom]

My son has sensory integration disorder which is an issue with the nervous system.  A part of that can be tactile defensiveness------  IE:  your daughter having such an issue with clothing.  My son would act like he was being stabbed when he had to wash his hands.  He would melt down and took forever to get over it if his hands just got wet.  I didn't understand it at all.  But now I know.  His nervous system was overly sensative.  It DID feel terrible to  him.  I felt so bad for ever being upset at his behavior about this.  So  my suggestion is that you realize she isn't trying to upset you.  This is really bothering her.  She isn't trying to thwart your authority.  Something could be off with her nervous system.  It isn't her fault that you work long hours and are tired.  I'm sure you do what you have to do and all-----  but that isn't fair to lose patience with your kids because of it.  We are all human-----  but that shouldn't be the norm.  It will only make it worse.  You do NOT need discipline here-----  you need a compassionate heart for your child!!!  She is 4 1/2 years old-----  how do you think she feels being in daycare for 40 to 60 hours a week feeling like her clothes are ripping her skin off?

So here is what you do-----  you take her to an occupational therapist that specializes in sensory integration disorder.  You get her evaluated.  You start therapy which will be once a week.  My son's issues with washing hands went away in 6 weeks.  They do a brushing and compression protocal that helped him tremendously.  However, sensory can affect many areas of a child's development/life.  My son has been doing occupational therapy for almost 2 years.  He is doing awesome-----  but he still needs the ot.  Look to see if your child has any fine motor problems (writing, using scissors, etc.), gross motor issues (can she skip properly), regulation of emotions (easily cries, shouts, and takes a while to get over it), flight or fight response to things they don't want to do, bumps into people and things, can't sit still especially in circle time, or just sits and does nothing else,  etc.  I hope it is just the clothing issue.  That, as I said, was pretty easily solved with my child.  

So, there really may be something going on and discipline will make it worse.  You need to get to the root of WHY it is happening.  And try to take the time to enjoy her.  Good luck.