Concerned Mom: Childs sexual exploration

About a year ago, my then 3 year-old son walked in on my husband and I making love. We thought he was asleep. My husband and I were quite shocked when he asked what we were doing since we did not know that he snuck in. Well, over the past year, I have caught him “playing” with himself. I panic when I see this, because I am not sure if this is normal or not. Today, I put him down for a nap and when I went to check on him, I found him putting chalk in his underwear and he had an erection. Is this something that I need to be concerned about or could it be normal behavior?  How do I talk to him about stopping what he is doing since it is wrong? My husband is currently deployed and has been gone for almost a year so I cannot have him talk to our son and I don’t want to worry him by talking to him about it now. Any help is greatly appreciated.

[April2]

I wouldn't be too concerned. It's perfectly normal for children (especially boys it seems!) to explore and play with themselves. If you make it a big deal then he will think it's a big deal. I don't think him walking in on you made much of a difference. I doubt he knew what you were doing. As far as him getting an eraction, even infants get erection. He may be fascinated that he has a body part that can do intersting things. It's ok to talk to him and tell him that he should not be touching himself in front of others, that it's just polite not too, kinda like not picking your nose in public. And then try distracting him by keeping him (and his hands!) busy as much as possible. If you make it a big deal or make it seem dirty or wrong, you may be sending him the wrong signals and make him feel ashamed and wind up hiding things from you. Try and stay calm and if you see him touching or playing with himself, ask him if he needs to go to the bathroom (sometimes that's all it is!), if he doesn't, then steer his attention away to something else. And next time you see him sticking things down his pants, just tell him to take them back out (calmly) and then tell him it's time for a nap and that he needs to settle down and rest.
I have a friend who has four boys (talk about the testosterone in that house!). The younger ones recently thought it was hilarious to make up pee-pee songs and jokes. (They are five and three and a half) For some reason, boys seem to get fixated on these things (maybe because they sense it's taboo?) Just try and take it all with a grain of salt (and maybe a little humor) and try and relax. This is pretty normal behavior for a child his age. Hope this helps!