Concerns of a Neighbor kid

[macaroon78]

My friend has a four year old girl that plays with my four year old boy.  One day we came in from swimming and everyone was suppose to be getting changed when I had realized it was very quiet and I found them in the closet naked.  When I told her mother she tells me sorry and said that it probably is her daughter's fault.  She tells me this is not the first time, that she found her daughter with another neighbor boy, age 3, naked behind the couch weeks earlier.  
Two months after the previous incident the little girl was over my house playing with my son.  I kept checking on them every few minutes. One time I walked in and her pants were down, my son moved quickly away from her.  I asked what were they doing and she quickly answers they were "playing cow".  "playing cow" does not make any sense, other thatn that she had a name for what they were doing and answered it pretty quickly.  When I talked to my son later he tells me that she licked my butt first, so I licked hers.  
About two-three weeks later, i went to pick my boy up from preschool when I heard the mother of this same girl tell another mother that their daughters switched underwear.

The collection of all these things have made me wonder if something could possibly going on with this child.  The night after the licking incident with my son, I thought alot about the situation and thought my son has a little sister in which he has never tried anything on her, nor has anything like this ever happened with him when he has played with any of his other friends that are girls.

This child displays inappropriate boundaries, she will hold hands with strangers, hang onto anyone, hug them even if she really does not know them, extremly touchy child.  She also is spacey. Often she is in her on world.  She can play with other children but can be found alone often.  She is an only child so maybe that could be a reason for being by herself.  She usually is found not with the group, however I have seen her play fine with the kids.

After there had been the build up of all these things I decided to talk to the mother about the possible idea that there being something amiss.  Has she seen something possibly, has she been groomed by another child or adult? I talked to her about seeing a child specialist.  

Now I know I just dropped a bombshell on this mother, and am feeling really bad.  However, at the time it felt like the right thing to do.  I fear having had ruined the friendship.  Her response was complete denial of the possiblity.  She said there is no way anything could have happened to her daughter and that her behavior is normal. She also said her child tells her everything, that her child told her that in all the incidents it was the other childs idea.  

Did I do the right thing sharing my concern?  Or should I have ignored some red flags and keep it to myself, just not allow my child to play with her child?  

It is possible there had been nothing going on, and that is what we would hope but what if?  Please tell me what you would have done and how I can make this situation better.

[angelinamarina]

Um, I would have done what you did. You are a good friend to communicate with her in an honest manner.

I would think that something has either happened to this poor little girl or she has some behavioral/mental issues that need addressing.

If some kid licked my daughter's butt, i would be pretty mad actually.  

I would tell her that the kid should at least see a developmental pediatrician.  It is for the child's own good.

You did the right thing!
angi

[margypops]

Yes you did the right thing and perhaps a good idea not to have your son alone with her supervise if you have children over to play then they cant get up to anything, it does sound as if this little girl has learned some behavior even if it was on TV sometimes children are allowed to watch some pretty inappropiate stuff.