Confused by my son's Kindergarten teacher's comments.
Below are the comments I received from my son's Kindergarten teacher after I inquired about some Ns he received on his progress report recently. My confusion is because if my son is as disruptive in class as she says he is, how is he thriving academically. He has and continues to be "at grade level" in Reading, Math & Writing and "Excellent" in Social Studies and Science. He's a spirited little boy, there's no doubt about that, but can someone help me understand how he is learning and doing so well academically (and trust me, we are very active with his homework and stuff at home so I know he's doing great) but is so disruptive to his class throughout the day. I just don't know what else I can do to help her. Oh, this behavior is something new, before she was writing him up for be aggressive about every 30 days with other boys. This is her 3rd year teaching, she is very young, but we just don't have these problems at home like she does. Please help me to help my son's teacher. Her comments are below (I have changed his name to "your son"):
Your son is showing improvement in his academics with reading, writing, and math. We recently had our last Dibels testing and your son did great on all three parts.
I know that we are all working hard on keeping your son on track and doing the right thing and your son is showing that through his great academics and the improvements of his behavior.
The four N’s for practices self-control, follows school/class rules, listens attentively, and follows directions are because I have to remind your son daily about good behavior. Your son likes to be the center of attention and is unable to keep his hands to himself, enjoys talking out during lessons, often finds things on the ground to play with during lessons, is constantly moving during whole class discussions and when at his seat decides to talk and not get work done. Throughout the day I have to speak with him five to ten times about his behavior and ask him if he is making good or poor choices.
I have given him the N’s because of the daily reminders of how behavior should be in the classroom and at school. Your son has shown improvement of his behavior with not latching out when he is angry but is still struggling with his daily behavior. He has shown some improvement with his daily behavior but I am still discussing with him everyday how to control himself. He has been using nice hands but again in the classroom he is not following class rules and needs daily reminders on how to behave.
We will continue working on this throughout the rest of the year in this area.
No, we have observed the behavior, but we have told her to be firm and consistent with the consequences when he acts out. He understands consequences and that is how we keep him in line. He's still learning and keep telling her that. He is a very young 5 too, his birthday is August 2nd.
For next year do you have a chance to request a specific teacher - or describe what type teacher would be best? It sounds like he could use a very structured classroom, with an older teacher who is known for being firm.
Your son sound exactly like one of my co-worker's sons. My co-worker has a 6 or 7 year old boy in first grade. Both the parents are extremely proactive in doing his homework with him, reading to him, and having him do extra educational things at home. This boy is, if I remember correctly, reading and writing at an upper 3rd grade level and doing really well in math.
However, this boy (I've met him numerous times and even spent time at this family's home as they live very close to me) is EXTREMELY talkative and active. I mean seriously, the kid almost never shuts up and he talks like 10 miles a minute! Quite honestly, he's actually somewhat annoying to be around at times. It's like he operates in fast forward.
My co-worker talks about how he does in school all the time; how his son is literally at the top of the class and basically doesn't even have to try. But at the same time, his son is one of the most disruptive kids in the class and has to "sign the book" quite a few times a week for things like talking when he's not supposed to, doing things when he's not supposed to, getting into things he's not supposed to, saying things to other kids that he shouldn't be saying--the list goes on and on. My co-worker usually says something along the lines of, "I think I'd have the perfect kid if he could just get a grip and have some self control!"
I know what they've been doing is telling their son that for 10 seconds each morning, he has to stand still in one spot and say nothing. For 10 seconds. As far as I know, they're still working on that. This boy seriously cannot go 5 seconds without forming run-on sentences and bouncing around you while he speaks. I wonder how he breathes when he talks.
But yes, this boy is exceptionally intelligent, and that's mainly due to the fact that his parents are so involved with their kids and take it upon themselves to further their kids' educations in the home. Their two kids (they also have a 5 or 6 year old daughter) are wonderful, smart, and well-mannered and play well with my son.
My daughter is the SAME way!!!!!! When you described your son it was exactly what I just finished going through.....She is very acedemically strong but keeping still and disturbing others, breaking rules and her attention span was horrible at school although she has always been above average in her acedemics. I actually ended up switching schools, because it became way out of hand....her teacher tried telling me that she was rough with the other children and she had all these problems...they actually coded her a 42!!!!!!!! It was absolutely ridiculous because all the behaviors they explained to me that were happening at school were hard for me to believe as she was not that child they spoke of at home....Anyways I ended up putting her in a French Emersion school and she's been doing excellent!!! Just like any other normal kid....no codes, no behavioral problems....completely normal...and they are absolutely amazed at how quickly she apprehended the French language. i'm not telling you to switch schools but to keep a close eye on the teachers.....sometimes they may use your child as funding for programs that are supposed to help your child but really it's for the money......I'm not accusing all teachers but there are things you need to look out for sad to say.....If your child is not at all the same way at home as he is at school then maybe you need to look into it a little more.....maybe get her to write a daily journal of what exactly he does and how she handled it.....maybe he is acting out due to boredome....there could be millions of reasons to why this is happening.....good luck!
i know very few children who behave the same way at home as they do at school. fortunately, most children behave much better at school than at home. but every now and then, we get a child who is extra challenging. it sounds like they have made progress so far.
honestly, from the report, it sounds like the teacher is competent. it is possible that your son needs something that cannot be provided in a regular classroom, be it extra attention from staff or less stimulation from those around him, or a more challenging curriculum. unfortunately, the reality of the situation is that most likely she does not have the resources to help him. children in kindergarten are expected to be able to sit and listen without being disruptive or aggressive. there is one teacher (and maybe an assistant) and 20-25 kids. this expectation may not be developmentally appropriate, but unfortunately it's the way it is due to the standardized testing kindergarteners are supposed to do, and because of the expectations that await them in first grade.
my thought is that your son was not ready for kindergarten. this is very common for summer babies, especially boys. while he may be doing ok academically, it is more important that a child be ready for kindergarten socially and emotionally.
I would give the teacher some strastegies to use with your son when he can't focus. Perhaps he can hold a small massage ball during circle time to squish. It will give his hands something to do so he won't be touching other children. Perhaps he finishes his work quickly or is bored. Maybe he should have a folder that he gets to go to w/fun worksheets or puzzles, whatever he likes, when he is finished with his work. Your son may know what is happening, what is causing him to get off task. Is the trash can across the room...does he have to travel to get a tissue? Little things make all the difference in the world. I have two summer boys. One we treated to an extra year of preschool because he wasn't ready for kindergarden and the next one we sent along at age 5 because we were all ready for him to go! Summer birthdays don't always matter...the readiness of the child does. Try working with the teacher...and seek out a very structured classroom for next year. Good luck
You are describing my son to a T. These are comments I have received from my son's teachers every day since he started school. He is completing first grade now.
My son is advanced academically. My son talks CONSTANTLY. My son is very active. My son will get away with whatever he thinks he can get away with. My son is funny, clever, has a good heart, and is also stubborn, has some self-control problems, and can be bossy.
My son is in a very structured classroom, and his behavior gets graded each day with a note home to us. He gets consequences-- both rewards and punishments-- for his behavior at school. We work with his teachers so that he gets the reinforced message. This helps.
I used to think that we would try this program for a few months, til he had everything under control, and the we could go back to doing what all other parents do. Well, based on my son's temperment, I realize now -- no, he will probably be on a behavior chart until he is a teenager:) Some children are harder to parent than others, but this is ok.
The key to school success when you have a strong temperment child is to work WITH the teachers at all times-- as a team-- to try to come up with ways to encourage good behavior in your child.
Thanks to all who responded. I have talked to my son and the teacher. The most important thing I can tell you that came out of these conversations is that the teacher not sweat the small the stuff. My son was completely convinced he could not be good, that's sad for a 5 year old. I've asked if she would give him little jobs to do to help her in class, etc. It's just ashame that as parents we have to teach the teachers regarding social development. To those of you who suggested we interview and request an older more experienced teacher, we are already on it.
Did anyone ever think that this kid is like what? 5? I think too many adults (teachers) expect 5 year olds to be perfect adults. They're not. It's probably their first big social setting, struggling with expressing themselves, consistency, etc. Maybe the teacher is just a real picky @#!! who shouldn't deal with 5 year olds? Yes, if the kid is hitting, then he should stop doing that but the whole "oh he talks a lot". So what? He is expressing himself. In time, things will settle down.
Jean, unfortunately, many teachers hyperfocus on how the class functions as a whole without making sure that each student has what he/she needs to be a productive part of the class.
I view a classroom like an engine or machine--each part is important in how the machine works as a whole and if one part needs to be repaired or oiled or adjusted frequently, ignoring that fact is going to result in the machine not running well. If you have the attitude that the one "problem" gear just needs to work without problems like the other parts and you don't do anything to help it to work well, then the machine will break down.
I have a son like yours, but he's now 12. He was in a Montessori school for a short while when he was 4 years old. He had two teachers--one who could not stand him (and she didn't do a very good job of hiding it) and another who loved him and saw him as really smart and fun. He behaved so much better for the one who loved him. She just brought out the best in him--kept him busy and challenged. The other was always frustrated and angry with him and had him in time outs and kept him in at recess all the time--and he did not like her and kept giving her more of the same.
I learned with my son that there are some teachers who "get" him and are very good at handling him and other teachers who don't get him and really don't care to get him because he rocks their world and they aren't having it. You may want to discuss this with the principal--I would think that the principal would know the different teachers well and could help with the placement of your son into a classroom with a teacher who will work well with him so that his learning experience is positive and he likes school and does well there.
Did you ever stop to wonder why you don't have the same issues at home with your son that the teacher does at school? Is your son an only child? If he is, then it's pretty simple. He is not competing with anyone for attention that he is at school. He's in a classroom with 20-22 additional children and isn't the center of attention. As for your comment "we have to teach the teachers regarding social development", did you ever stop to consider that your child's teacher is stopping her lessons 5-10 times daily to correct your son? This takes away from the other children's ability to concentrate and limits their learning time. Maybe your child needs to practice more self control and you should stop placing blame on a teacher simply because she has only taught for 3 years. I am a career changer, have taught for 3 years but I'm also 40 years old and have a 9 year old daughter(straight A's lowest grade all year is a 94) and a daughter in kindergarten who has mastered all 14 sight word lists. Seems I'm doing something right...and I'm not only a strict parent but I run a tight ship in my classroom as well. I expect all my students to follow school rules or face the consequences.
Many parents are trying their best. That is probably important as you are teaching their children. Not every child fits into a perfect mold and hopefully as my children advance in their education, they will find their teachers to be compassionate and caring. We've been so fortunate thus far.
Okay.. you just made me very irritated reading your reply. I have a son who is 8 and in 3rd grade. Since kindergarten my son has had HORRIBLE teachers and yes ... i WILL put blame on the teachers and the school system . In kindergarten my son was coming home daily with red frown faces on his work , with it stating '' unfinished morning work '' Okay ... what '' work'' should a 5 year old have that would deserve this constantly ????? Do you want to know what work it was ? Coloring a page ..that was ALWAYS geared for girls ... pictures of girls holding flowers , girls in what would be colored pretty dresses ,rainbows ect ... NOT one boy oriented page came home ! Where were the race cars and fire trucks .. and WHY put forth as a frown because it wasnt done from top to bottom ????? The other major gripe was ..he wasnt pulling himself up to the table like she wanted him ..welllllllll ...she was lucky to have had him sit , in my opinion .. then she goes and reads them a story called silver skates .. a man gets hurt and cant move ,talk or identify his own family ..my son comes home extreamley fearful telling me he doesn't want to grow old and die ... thinking he is seeing something on tv ..nope ... a book is being read to him daily in the classroom. Not a good book to be reading a 5 year old i dont think. ... The charts have to go .. ohhh so and so is on the red part of the rainbow which happenes to be the BAD part ... just about DAILY .. that is good for a child to hear daily .. how bad he was .. 1st grade was no better ... a strict teacher who litterally broke him down , ruined his self esteem ,and gave him anxiety issues like no other ..with this ... came the HATE for school ! Made a spectacle of him in front of the whole class ... RUINED him ... told me once ... she has to push him to become more mature ...at what stinking cost ???? I will tell you .. my childs esteem and want to learn . Told me he cries like a baby ... yeah .. maybe i would have too dealing with her every day . 2nd grade .. nice teacher , understanding.. by this time damage was done ... 2 years of being told no this no that . you are on the red , bad ,bad , bad, negative constantly ... damage is done .. Now we are in 3rd grade ... my son hates school and everything about it , is lacking social skills .. hmmm wonder why ??? Now another teacher who cant seem to keep her words to herself .... was just told last week ... i am calling the principal down cause i cant stand you anymore .... and again another one making him feel like a outcast when she says class ..tell him to stop ..and they alllllllllllllll turn to him and in unison say .. his name and STOP ,,, If i could afford a private school he would have been in there in first grade ... Teachers want these kids with no issues , stepford kids i call them .. when out of the box ..they become known as trouble , as they get older ..its no longer a note home ..now it turns into write ups for their folder ,and dissaplinary issues ....ect ...As i see it ... the schools and teachers allllll make your childs school experience what it is .. they make your child either love or hate school .. as they are with them more than they are home . If you cant take a child and see their temperments and quirks and work with them and keep them feeling good about themselves ... you have NO right to be a teacher at all ,and sounds to me like that teacher is in for the pension and vacation time off !
It seems to me that you are the type of parent that likes to place blame for your son's behavior and attitude on someone. As far as his low self-esteem and is negative attitude about school, could possibly be from his enviornment that he is in. Your comments are all negative, your feeling towards all of his teachers are negative, and you dont seem to have anything nice to say about Any of his teachers. You need to take a long look in the mirror and figure out why you are so unhappy and play the blame game on everyone else except the person starring back at you. Eventually you will realize if your son's behavior continues, it is not always someone else. Please check yourself before you accuse another teacher for your son's behaviors.
I am a first grade teacher and the teacher-bashing I read about all the time sickens me. I am aware that there really are some lousy teachers out there, but the majority of teachers care about all of their students and want to see them succeed. Unfortunately, teachers don't make the rules. I would have no more than 10 kids in a class and would be able to devote tons of one-on-one instruction to each child But in reality, we teachers are given 25 young children from all kinds of families with all kinds of different expectations at home (some kids are expected to do chores, and some kids are expected to wait in the car while mom and dad get their drugs). Elementary teachers must teach reading, writing, math, science, social studies, health, and computer skills. We have to include technology in our lessons and find time to work with each child one-on-one so we can meet each and every individual need. We have kids that throw up in the middle of class and poop in their pants at lunch, then we can't get in touch with the parents because none of the 5 cell numbers they gave us work. At least 3 times a year we must conduct one-on-one assessments with each student (which takes several days and takes away instructional time). For students who are struggling, we must complete a detailed instructional plan (at least 6 pages per child) describing how we are going to help the student become proficient in that area (which requires more one-on-one teaching with that child). In order to see if our extra teaching is helping that child, we must conduct more assessments every other week to monitor his/her progress. And when we are not being forced to constantly assess, we are trying to teach our class and keep up with all of these other documents, but little Johnny is interrupting the lesson every 5 minutes by blurting out and flipping over in his chair or constantly putting his hands on other students. Negative consequences and positive rewards have not changed his behavior issues (and behavior plans sound great in theory, but the majority of teachers do not have time to give little Johnny a sticker every few minutes while they are trying to teach 25 children). Neither has contacting his parents. But somehow Johnny's behavior always ends up being the teacher's fault. I am sorry, but a teacher cannot effectively teach the 24 other children in their classroom while one child consistently misbehaves and his/her parents make excuses. I am a teacher because I love children and want them all to be successful and have high self-esteem. I love little Johnny too. But what more do you want me to do when I have tried 20 different behavior strategies and he continues to disrupt the entire class day after day? Go spend some time in an elementary school classroom. Before you ever utter one ugly word about your child's teacher, go volunteer in her classroom (or any kindergarten or first grade classroom) for a week. If most people walked in a teacher's shoes for one day, they would look at things differently.
I am the girlfriend to the Father of a very disruptive, impulsive 5 year old child. This child requires constant discipline and structure. If you allow him to get away with anything small or miss a behavior that needed to be corrected then he will whoorlwind out of control. He can behave, display perfect manners and be respectful to others at home, because if he doesn't he will face consequences very consistantly.With that being said, he has been kicked out of 5 different daycares since the age of 3. He has attended a year of special schooling for children with emotional and behavioral disabilities. He is in Kindergarten and almost every day the school calls to inform us that he is hitting, kicking, throwing tantrums, crawling under the desk, acting lick he is going to hit his teacher, exposing himself, pouring his milk on other students as well as himself, running around the class yelling. The school says "you have to come get him" The Father picks the child up and he is treated to the same consequences that are used at home when the child misbehaves, however the child will go back to school and repeat the same bad behaviors. While I totally understand that the schools are designed to teach academics and are not responsible for correcting you childs behavior issues, what is a parent to do when the child does not respond. When there was discipline in school and going to the Principal's office meant that you would be returning to the class with a red butt and a new attitude I don't really think that the teachers had that many issues that couldn't be dealt with in school. I don't blame the teachers, it's our new philosophy that we teach our children that instead of it being an expectation that they behave and respect others, that instead it is their God given right to be rewarded for their good behavior and that we should not hold them accountable for their bad behavior(we will just ignore that). So now what do we do? How can he make this child do what is right, stop disrupting the class and be productive in school? After all he can't go to school to ensure his good behavior. Are there any schools out there that are still allowed to paddle a disobedient child? I know that some don't believe in this form of discipline and that's ok..but if it works at home then it should work for him in school. And in case any of you are wondering..yes I am also a parent to two grown successful college grads and I have raised a foster child who graduates high school this year and a ten yr old son who makes good grades and good choices. I fortunately never dealt with these issues and just don't know where to turn for help with this child.
I went on the internet today and found this site because I have a 5 year old in kindergarten that is in private school that I pay a lot of money too. I am concerned for him. He is learning well but the school uses a color system and for the most part he is half on the bad part of the list and other times so so. The teachers move the kids up and down all day long on the 5 colors. Your kid could do something not allowed early in the day and go down to red but by the end of the day be up to the best color. You pick him up you see the color at the end of the day. The bad things is if they start out great and end bad it shows where they ended up to end the day. I am sorry but the color program is a huge joke, it does however hurt his self esteem. When did kindergarten become so prim and proper. These kids are 5 not 7 or 8. Our teacher who is actually one of our close family friends is a big part of the problem. She is very strict and very picky. We were not aware of this early on we do think she is a wonderful person in every other aspect outside of school. It's just she is not meant to teach kindergarten age children. She has three girls of her own who are required to be perfect and she can't handle boys in my opinion. The boys are always in trouble. Same kids day in and day out. We were on her side for the past three months but we can't do it anymore, it is having a negative effect for our son. These effects are not in his studies they are in how he looks at himself as always being bad. We did punish bad...we always will punish bad when it is reasonable. We tried our teachers way and helped her for three months.He now assumes he will be on Santa's Naughty List and Christmas won't happen. She won't let him touch a book because he held one on one side and the book was heavy and it tore the front cover off. None of the other kids because of my son can touch books either...going on two months now. Way over kill for a 5 year old's mistake. If she is gone for a few days and there is a substitute teacher and he isn't perfect when she gets back the kids who weren't perfect get docked colors to start the day as a punishment even though this could be days later. Like a 5 year old should be held accountable days later for something they did. That is just nuts. The other kids who are in his class mostly girls are always outstanding for the day. Even though I see these outstanding girls doing all kinds of bad things that my son seems to always get busted for. I know he isn't perfect but I will say this I don't want him to be. He is only 5. I believe there are better teachers out there but I also believe certain teachers think there own agenda is what is important and the kids needs to toe the line. No I don't agree with that anymore. My sons teacher always calls him "wild". So he thinks he is "wild" because one morning he ate a donut for breakfast and that is what caused his wildism for the day. However the funny thing was it was the day before when he had the donut and it was a perfect day. LOL! So now he won't eat donuts because his teacher says so. He won't put syrup on pancakes anymore because his teacher says so. He tells us his teacher tells him he is "wild" because he dosen't sleep enough. Our child goes to bed at 7:30 every night and wakes up around 7:15 like clockwork. He goes right to sleep too. She had us do a sleep chart for two weeks for him saying it was part of the studies and we come to find out only the boys were doing this the girls weren't. Yes parents do actually talk to other parents in class. This is how we found out it wasn't class mandated just certain boys. I feel basically she is blaming us the parents for being "wild". I can say this at home and out or at restaurants he is very good for us. I mean very little problems ever, not even reminders of needing to be good. We do have fun as a dad we do a little father son rough housing but as our teacher thought for awhile that was bad as well. I say bull it really bonds us together and we laugh. Our son never mouth talks or disrespects us in any way or others. My parents, wife's parents, and other family members are always saying to us how good of a child he is and plays well with others. So I say to the teachers above who seemed to have taken offense to other posts. Give me a reason why I should trust you with my son. I used to feel sorry for teachers because of there pay being so low and all the effort they put in but I am convinced now that certain teachers with there own ideas and rules don't really care what you the parent thinks. They are close minded, for teachers like that they either need to teach older kids or find another profession. Kindergarten thru third grade in my opinion need special good teachers that can be FLEXIBLE with dealing with the more energetic kids ....Yesterday we wrote a long letter to the owner of the school. It was hard to do so knowing that once this comes out we will lose our friend who is his teacher. Most likely we will move him out of the school as well. Tell me am I over reacting. I think even the teachers here on this board will agree a change has to be made and I don't see anything wrong with it being the teacher. She has told us for years she would rather be a librarian then a teacher. This is really just a job to her and income it isn't a passion. I want the teacher that has a passion for teaching kids...really really does not just for the paycheck. If I am out of line tell me. Interested in hearing others thoughts on this. Thanks.
His TEACHER sounds confused......and that whole report is a contridiction.......
Teachers either MAKE or BREAK a child....and Trust me .......... When My 8 year old complains about a teacher that has falsely accused her or whatever the situation (and my kid is in the right)........ I am in that office the next day....
I read your dilemma and I have to say I admire your attention to your sons' studies. He is very lucky to have you. However, I have to say, it's very easy for parents to view their kids with rainbow glasses. Your son is obviously a good student and is benefiting from your attention. Personally, I view your son's teacher as she could easily let your son slip by with his good grades but instead she chooses to call attention to something that will affect him for the rest of his school days. You mention the teacher is young like that is a bad thing....some of the best teachers are young. They still have that "fire" and want to really teach and mold as oppose to just "get by" and get a pay check. Pay attention to what she says- you are of no benefit to him treating him like a Saint. Your son is in the beginning of his school years - he is in Kindergarten. Social studies and science are completely different as the years come and behavior is a key factor in his success. Being a hands on parent is absolutely amazing and hard to come by but don't kid yourself that just because you put in 120% that he does. Listen to what she says and assume she is right and work on it or you are looking at bigger problems in the future (enabling). "Your son seems like he's on drugs" ...."Not myyyyy son" You are amazing parent - I wish all parents were as attentive as you but your son is NOT perfect. Help him by seeing that he does have a behavior problem and addressing it- not denying it. Best of luck!
First, as a kindergarten teacher we are responsible for the learning environment of 20+ 5year olds. We have rules in place to make sure all 20+ students can learn, and be respectful of others. Academic grades reflect what the child has mastered = S , still working on either independently or as an entire class-= W, we have covered the material repeated, but is still having trouble and needs to improve=N, or we have covered the material and the student hasn't made any progress= U. A child can be on grade level and still be disruptive,and not follow rules. A teacher has ALOT of challenges, especially kindergarten! We are fully aware that children are five and they are not perfect, but if they are in a classroom, yes they are going to have to learn the rules or there will be consequences. I have 17 other students I must teach, and I shouldn't be spending the entire day disciplining one child! This is VERY unfair to the other 17 who DO listen, and who DO follow the rules ! Not only is it disruptive, but its dangerous! When a child isn't following the rules or directions, they put everyone else at risk!! I don't understand why you are unable to separate the behavior from academics?????? Really ???? and the teacher is dead on with her comments and it doesn't matter whether she has taught 1 year or 30 years, it doesn't take long to identify students who have behavior problems. WE ARE NOT A BABY SITTERS !!!! WE don't even get paid as much as a bab sitters !!! YOU ARE THE PARENT!! Start acting like one!
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