Could my sociopathic son ever have a positive future?
My sons weren't barely 4 and 2 when I left my sociopath ex. Nasty divorce, custody battle, and even sexual abuse allegations later, we just try to steer clear of each other. My oldest used to pitch temper tantrums like you wouldn't believe when he was 4 - throwing chairs, punching me in the face, biting, kicking, screaming until his whole body turned purple. My oldest, now 12, hasn't gotten better in his behavior, only managed to figure out how to fine tune his skills. When he was 8 and my younger was 6, I caught him doing sexual things to his little brother, pretending to take pornographic pictures of him, etc. He would hurt his little brother on a regular basis, belittle him, etc. He got kicked out of the YMCA after school program, and was almost kicked out of the school's after school program for physical abuse and sexually explicit things, and had WAY too many parental complaints about him. He would tell the nurse at school we didn't feed him, or that he was injured and he would say "I told my mom and asked her to take me to the doctor, but she wouldn't take me, please help me!" and I would get the accusatory phone calls on a regular basis. I caught him trying to drown our dog by holding her head under water while she was swimming in our above ground pool. I watched him flip our infant over in a bouncy seat so his head hit the kitchen floor.... I changed the doorknobs on my younger kids doors so they could lock themselves in their room for fear of the older sibling. When my middle son, at the time 6, held a butcher knife to the older one and said "I'll kill you if I have to, leave me ALONE!" that was the last straw... I had to move him out. So he moved in with his grandparents (my ex's family) where he is basically an only child now. He gets good grades (he's genius) and takes guitar lessons. Seems like everyone's happy, right? The grandparents say there's nothing wrong with him. They think I'm just a bad mom. But they don't know the side of him I know. They haven't seen the evil look he gives when he doesn't get his way and gets angry. He can switch his personality at the drop of a hat, changing from innocent child to angry dominator to weeping victim like a lightswitch. And he has total control over those emotion changes. I tried therapy, but he just manipulates the therapist like everyone else. Now my middle son (now 10) has just told me he sexually abused him when he lived with us. I called everyone. Tried to get help. Tried to figure out what to do. The local police department's special victim unit told me to go see a judge and try to get a court ordered evaluation of him, but I'm scared he'll just manipulate his way through that as well (his dad, my ex, passed a lie detector test when I knew for a FACT he was lying, if that tells you how good these guys are at deceiving). The grandparents think if I report the incident my younger son told me, then I'll be ruining the older son's life and not giving him a chance at a happy future, one which THEY think it full of promises and white picket fences. Me? I see him as a serial killer when he's older. I see him raping children, killing animals, and enjoying every minute of it. If he goes to juvenile detention for what he's done, he'll only get worse. But not doing anything won't help him get better. Right now he's getting everything he wants, and getting away with anything he does wrong with no consequences. Tell me someone like that, with a genetic predisposition to psychopathic tendencies will just get better on their own if left alone without serious counseling.... not gonna happen. I want what's best for him, but I feel I owe it to society as a whole to protect them from what I know he's capable of. And I owe it to my middle son to get some sort of juctice for what's happened to him.....
I think you sit quietly for now, and tell his grandparents emphatically how much you appreciate giving him a home and helping out. I personally wouldn't have wanted to take on a child with that kind of history, and they've done it and it's working well.
I trust a mother's instinct, and so your input is interesting.
But I also think sometimes the dynamics in a family can get so "off" that kids respond to that in a way. He may have carefully watched his dad, and was emulating his role in the family. Bright kids pick up on role models very quickly.
I don't know that CPS would do much about two brothers, 8 and 6, who had a history of sex play and experimentation. This isn't like a 12 year old and a 3 year old - 8 and 6 are peers.
I also think that when you discuss this with a counselor (if you do) you need to drop the sarcasm, like "white picket fences".
Can you elaborate on this statement you made? "Right now he's getting everything he wants, and getting away with anything he does wrong with no consequences." Earlier in your post you noted he's NOT doing anything wrong there - can you fill in the details here?
I really think there's a very good chance with this complete change of family dynamics, since your son is succeeding there, there's a very good chance he'll do well in the future. Which doesn't make you a bad mother - it just means the nuclear family he was in role modeled extremely poor dynamics and he learned them well, IMHO.
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