Cousinly love & sexual abuse

When I was 12 I went to see my cousin get married in another state. On my mother's side alone I have about 100 first cousin's. I met one of my cousin's whom was also 12 that my parent's were going to adopt due to the fact that my aunt was unstable. They never did adopt him though b/c she wouldn't stop coming around, he was the closest thing to a brother that I've ever had. I felt a physical attraction to my cousin when I was there & I believe we touched each other but I do not remember. I hadn't had any contact with him until recently & we are both now 18, & those feelings are coming back. I think I love him & I have been having sexual dreams about him. I want to ask him if he remembers but I'm afraid he will say no & think I'm wierd or will say yes & he feels the same. I don't want to love him in that way. I am currently dating someone whom I have been with for 2 years. Even though I have not told anybody how I feel, I told my boyfriend about the thing when we were 12, but he's mean about it & calls me incest. When I was 7 I also rubbed up against my three best friends that were also females, but I thought it was because I was confused b/c my mom is bi. Maybe there's something wrong with me i don't know. HELP!   =[

[mybabies1999]

You are still very young and I think it may be normal to be confused about your sexuality. The fact that your boyfriend makes fun of you isn't very helpful and could be damaging to your self esteem. I think your best bet is to speak to a sex therapist or someone professional. You first described your feelings for your first cousin. There are reasons for not getting involved with family members. However I have heard of many people who have either become involved with a cousin whether intentional or not, but you really have to put a lot of thought into this. I personally would not get involved with a family member and thats just because you need to understand the difference of family vs strangers. Family is not a sexual relationship. If and uncle decided to get involved with his neice, isn't it wrong? Just because you are the same age doesn't make it right. Some people think its ok, but if you marry your cousin decide to have children, than you risk major health problems. In regards to brushing up agains 3 females at the age of 7 doesn't mean you are bisexual, it is experimenting and curiousity at that age. But either way it doesn't mean something is wrong with you. You are just a little confused and talking to someone to help you figure out these feelings would help. You are still very young and will figure it out. Follow your heart.