Daughter is rude to moms new boyfriend

I have been separated for almost a year now and I have been dating a wonderful man for about 5 months.  He treats my daughter and I like we are the most important people in the world.  My problem is that my 5 yr old daughter is so rude to him sometimes.  She doesnt want me to spend time with him and when he does come over she acts up.  I make sure that I give her equal attention and she's always included in our plans.  I dont know what to do.....I love her with all my heart and I love him too but I want us all to be happy together.  Please help.....

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Dear Nikki,

Of course you want all of you to be happy, but be patient with your daughter. The introduction of this gentleman is a relatively new development - your daughter needs time to adjust to his presence. Her reaction probably has very little to do with him as an individual - i.e., she would likely be reacting in this manner to the presence of any man who is not her father. Children live in the hope that their parents will reunite, so the introduction of a new person, however nice, is not necessarily a positive development from your daughter's point of view.

It will be important to demonstrate your understanding of how difficult this can be for a child. Try not to put pressure on your daughter to 'like' your friend, but at the same time set reasonable limits on rude behavior, as you would if she were rude to any other person.

What sort of contact is she having with her father? Does she see him on a regular basis? From what you can tell, how is the contact going? Hopefully it's positive in nature and is occurring on a predictable schedule.