Daughter out of control

I have no idea of how to begin but here goes.  My 7 year old daughter, soon to be eight, is simply the worst I have seen.
She is deceitful, deviant, selfish, she lies uncontrolabley, will do anything it takes to get it her way or to get any thing she wants and will manipulate anyone. She has no conscience. She can be loving, but only when it is to her benefit. I have taken things away from her to punish, I have spanked her, given her time out and done everything that is possible. I have also tried the approach of giving her attention only on the good things and ignoring the bad. We would praise her when she is bahaving appropriately and reward her accordingly. That failed as well. We, my husband and I are just at our wits end! I am in fear of her becoming a statistic later in life if i dont get a handle on this. I give her quality time, maybe not quantity time but when we are together, i give her my utmost attention. My husband and her absolutley do not get along, she has even constantly gone as far as to say she hates him. I think the reason she hates him and says she loves me, although she is not good for me either, is that I allow her to manipulate me; he does not. She will lie or simply say what she has to say to get what she is out to get.
She sees nothing wrong with manipulation.
Please tell me if she needs to see a proffesional,as this is what im preparing for, but fear she will go even further if she has to see someone on her behavior.

We are not divorced parents, my husband (her father), have been married for 13 years.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Yes, you should absolutely consult a professional about this. This degree of behavioral disturbance is very far from the normal spectrum. And seeking help needn't be something to fear. If you knew something was wrong with her medically, you'd seek help right away. This is no different. The situation needs to be evaluated so an appropriate diagnosis can be made and a plan for treatment developed.

[hunts]

I feel for the couple with the daughter that is so angry. I have a neice that is the same way and is 12. She lashes out at everyone, yelling,screaming,unless everything is the way she wants it, cause no waves and everything is fine. We have tried all of the above. She is going to her doctor this week to see our next step with her. She is at the point where she is not even wanting to go to school. She gets very good grades, honor student, all sort of after school activities, nothing keeps her happy. We have taken her places to spend quality time, something during the day always makes her mad. We have been dealing with all of this for the last few years, her parents thought is would go away and she would grow out of it, well its only worse and has never gotten better. She hates everyone, most times even her self. I feel alot of the problem is due to fact that they teach children that spanking is not allowed, teach in school that it is child abuse, there is a difference between abuse and a spanking but they don't teach the children that, the kids think they can due what they want. I feel alot of the problem with kids today is the system, they can work it better than the adults.

[very stressed mom]

I really don't know where to begin!!!  I have a 12 year old daughter that is totally out of control.  She is very defiante. When you talk to her it goes right over her head.  She never listens to me.  You ask her to do something and it is wait a  minute and 3 hours later she may do it if she feels like it.  I am at my wits end with her. We ask her not to take food to her bedroom she does it anyway.  She is only nice to you when she wants or needs something.  Other wise is very rude kid.  I am so stressed out about this situation in our home that I just want to walk away from it.  There is no middle for us to meet at she just never listens and I get so angry.  I don't know what to do.  Where do I begin with a defiante child like this?