Daughter shows no remorse or empathy

[Teegee8180]

Our 8 year old daughter has given us trouble since pre-k. All her teachers have come to us expressing serious concern about her "not caring". Every year its the same thing. She's very smart but won't turn in work or finish it because she just want to. Homework takes almost 8 hours EVERY SINGLE DAY.She will literally sit down wait for us to look away and she is gone doing what she wants. I came from a home that spanked. That worked for us and it worked for our other kids. We luckily have 3 other kids whom are extremely respectful, kind, loving and so friendly. But her its completely opposite. She gives other girls ugly looks will literally put her hands on them in a aggressive manner. Not actual hitting thank god. We have tried so many various ways of discipline. Taking things away, no t.v, no outside play, facing walls , writing apologies etc. She also has been very interested in the opposite sex. She has shown "interest" or preference to males since she was a baby. We have taken steps to finding out if any possibility of sexual abuse happened without our knowledge. But its been ruled out by professionals. I am a victim so I have gone over things with her since she could understand and I myself have seen no signs in any way. So that's ruled out thus far. So now we are left with unanswered questions about her. She constantly looks in the mirror and really cares about her looks as well. Has lied and stolen from stores. She has zero remorse and almost feels entitlement. I may have jumped around and I apologize this is a first for me. Any advice would help.

[red2877]

I have a similar situation at home with my 8 year old.  But she does all her homework at school.  At home she will sometimes give me issues.  I read the above post and it sounded just like my daughter.  Loves the mirror into her looks, no remorse, bullies and bosses kids and adults around

[Sandman2]

No, I don't think its a similar situation.  The other child most probably had ADD.  I do not see any signs in your brief description that is the problem with your child.   Can you give us a bit more detail.  Have her teachers complained?  Has this been going on for several years .... or just started this year?  Does she have any brothers or sisters and if so how old are they?   Have both parents been with her for all 8 years?

[Sandman2]

    I am also the CL on the ADHD forum here - http://www.medhelp.org/forums/ADD---ADHD/show/175.
    I have seen posts like this too many times.  She has all the symptoms of a child with either ADHD or ADD.  Probably ADD.  Because she is not hyperactive.  Because she is intellingent - the teachers have missed the obvious clues.
    Time on homework is a huge symptom.   Being aggressive is a side effect of having "no filters".    Not caring is a learned response due to the fact that she can't produce what is asked, and is giving up.  I could go on and on.   This site has a lot of good info - http://www.helpguide.org/articles/add-adhd/attention-deficit-disorder-adhd-in-children.htm
    I would find a psychologist or psychiatrist who specializes in ADHD and have her examined.  I really don't trust pediatricians to do this.  Typically, these days, they are too busy to do a through job.
    If you have any questions or need more info - please post here  or on the ADHD site I mentioned above.

[RockRose]

Some kids are wild and sexualized a little early - and it sounds like that for her.  Is she in sports or other activities with girls?  Dance,  scouts,  Destination Imagination,  basketball,  soccer,  horseback riding lessons, swimming?  

I think she needs that - to be doing activities with other girls,  or other kids in general where there's physical activity.  

Secondly,  8 hours of homework a night with you chasing her around to try to get her to do it isn't working.  I don't know how long her assignments would take a child who sat and did it earnestly,  but 20-30 minutes of homework per night for an 8 year old is more than enough.  

I would suggest you talk to the teacher and ask that things she doesn't do in class come home in the backpack for her to complete at home,  with no additional homework.  That way,  she can either do her schoolwork in school or use up her free time at home completing it.  

Is she a middle child?  Is she in an intact home with both parents and all her siblings are biological sibs?