Daughter

My 15 year old daughter attends an all girl HS.  She has recently developed a strong attraction to a Sr. girl at the school.  It does not appear to be a sexual attraction and she is clearly heterosexual.  But she has very intense feelings of admiration.  She thinks about her constantly and wants to be just like her.  It has affected her appetite, mood (depressed), and ability to concentrate on school work.  It's important to know, too that her close friend, a fellow freshman, shares this obsession and they call each other to talk about the older girl.  This older gilr is a well-liked athlete in the school and seems to be a positive role model.

I've never heard of this type of thing before and not sure how to respond.  I am concerned, not because she has these feelings for someone of the same sex, but because it seems to be attecting her in a negative way.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Dear Laura,

It is not uncommon for a girl your daughter's age to become infatuated or otherwise struck by an upperclassman. However, this is not usually accompanied by the sorts of depressive-like symptoms you describe.

What seems to be the attraction? Can you tell what appeals to your daughter? My guess is that she sees in this upperclassman some trait or characteristic that she would like to possess.

From the parental standpoint, it's important to try to understand the relationship. There's probably little you can do directly to influence it, but making an attempt to understand is very significant. If the symptoms persist, professional help might be useful - consider it. It would be sensible to talk with the parent(s) of the girl who shares the admiration, and to speak with a guidance counselor or student services worker at the school about any insight they might have.