Daycare biting

[VV]

My daughter is biting the same girl in daycare. She does not bit any of the other kids and the sad thing is this other little girl is her friend. My husband and I are very concerned and have had many meeting with the directors and teachers to resolve this. We feel she may be bored and the room we found out is over crowded and does not have enought toys to entertin the kids. Additionally, we have contacted the corporate office with our concerns. We do not want to make excuses for our daughter, but we are frustrated and can't help but wounder if the lack of stimulation provided by the facility is contributing to her 'frustration'. Additionally, we noticed one of her teachers gave our daughter a love bite. We quickly expressed our concerns and asked that they stop. The daycare wants to advance our daughter to the next room with 18 to 30 month old kids. She is only 15 months, and while she is advanced I have concerns the facility is only doing this because the room is over crowded by 5 children according to the state inspection certificate for the room. Additionally, I worry that this move may or may not help her biting. The daycare also is trying to tell us that our daughter scratches herself to the point she bleeds. But they say they never see her do this. Does our daughter have a developmental problem? She shares and is very loving and has a great personality at home. We do see her from time to time get frustrated and my husband and I try to explain or show her how to resolve what is frustrating her. What do we do? We feel for the child she bites also.
thanks

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Setting limits on the biting by placing her in time out immediately when any aggressive behavior occurs will be very important. The behavior has to be managed, regardless of what might be generating the anger/frustration. Relative to your concerns about the setting, perhaps she should attend a different program, probably smaller than her current placement. Children of fifteen moths are not famous for managing frustration - they are learning how to do so. The biting and the scratching are her means of expressing the anger. If otherwise she seems fine, there is no reason to suspect developmental disorder. Are the daycare people suggesting such problems?

[colep_2003]

i agree, probably becuase of the toys, cant keep her busy 24/7, time to Relize theres not always something to do fun in life, suggest to slap her hand lightly...

[Deb11937]

I dont think slapping is appropriate AT ALL. Please do not do this. You will only teach her to express unhappiness by hitting. I was schocked to read that one of the workers gave her a love-bite. I would definitely consider a new environment. I have a 2 and a 3 year old. They all go through these periods of strange behavior, but you must give her a time-out or show her that biting is unacceptable. She will probably stop doing it soon, and then she will find some other way to drive you crazy!! Lots of luck, stay patient with her.

[BuddleiaGirl]

I'm not sure that a 15 month old would even understand a time out yet. My brother, as a small child, was the only "victim" of a biter. We finally figured out that the other child bit because he was scared of the toy alligator my brother took everywhere. Maybe the 18-30 month old class is not overcrowded. At least, it will not have teachers that bite, too. Try using a nail file or emory board to file her nails so that they aren't sharp enough to scratch her skin. If they never see it happen, how can they be sure that she is not getting scratched by another child?

[chrisyd1021]

We had that problem with our son in daycare. He would bite others as a defense, or when he was tired.  At 18 months, you have to distract them. Find them another interest.  You need to turn there attention to something else if it means moving them to another part of the house.  DO NOT HIT! An 18 month old will mimick the hitting and start doing that to other children that are younger.  They do not understand how punishment works, yet.  So time-outs are not going to work either.  Trust me, it is a phase ---- until they are old enough to understand the consequences of "time out".

My son has successfully lost interest in the biting generally within 3 months.  My daughter is taking longer.  Hang in there, it is short term.

[MySami]

What if the child has been biting for over a year? I have to disagree with some of your comments on discipline.  A child must be disciplined or they take advantage of you and do it again.  Reasoning with a child at 15 months old does not work.  TIMEOUTS do work with my kids and most kids at the daycare.  My daughter is very disciplined and such a sweet thoughtful little girl. She has never bitten anyone but is a victim of being bitten every week for a whole year.  Daycare needs to take extra steps on trying to stop the problem.  Now the child that bites is not bored, she does it for attention and is a very very jealous little girl.  She has been doing it since she was 13 months old and is now 26 months old.  I think its ridiculous and she should of stopped biting by now.  I think at this point she needs a light swap on the butt or hand.  Kids now a days are not disciplined and are spoiled brats and get away with murder...and that is why we have so many problems with kids now a days....back in the old days no kids were out of line.  How are we rasing our kids now? By trying to reason with your kids? DOES NOT WORK>>>>Timeouts do work and a little swap on the butt or hands is fine...Not beating, not spanking hard and certainly no wooden spoons or belts...but a nice little tap on the hand does not hurt the child and certainly lets them know how serious the problem is....let me give you an example...my cousin is a big believer in reasoning. Her son kept playing with electrical outlets and yes she had the plastic saftey things in them, well did not take her son along time to figure out how to take them out...and she always just said, no honey dont play with that, its very dangerous you can seriously get hurt....after numerous times of doing this, he finally got shocked...why? because she did not take it serious and go the extra mile to tapping his hands and use a firm voice...she tried to reason with him...that should of never happened and wouldnt of had she tried this step...she still did not learn and now the son being older is the biggest brat in the world and now he too has a lot of problems.....

[Austin's Mom]

I am currently in the same situation - my 19 month old son started biting at daycare about 5 months ago. He bites hard and for no apparent reason.  He is a very sweet little boy at home, occasionally biting me when we played, so I really don't think he understands that he is causing pain to another person.  At this age, they can't express their feelings with words, so when anger and frustration occur they bite.  I have researched and researched this issue and the information that makes most sense to me is to not overact when the biting occurs - this only gives them attention and toddlers will take negative attention along with positive attention, as long as they are the center of attention.  They are so self-centered at this age - they aren't socialized yet - everything is me, me, me!  However, your daycare provider must be trained in dealing with the situation.  When my son's biting started to occur on a daily basis, they overacted, gave him long time-outs, only escalating the situation.  When he was in the "time-out" chair, other kids would circle around him, give him toys, again he was the center of attention even in a time-out. They didn't shadow him or watch him closely - allowing him to hurt other kids. So I spyed on my daycare often.  NEVER once did I see anyone interacting with him in a positive way.  No circle time, no reading, just free-for-all play time and the teachers were always chatting in the kitchen.  I have found another daycare.  My son is almost 20 months and is still biting at his new facility, however, they are trained to handle it, they tell him what he did was wrong and give attention to the child hurt and that is the end of it!  They are also very reassuring that they can help him through this stage.  It gives me the hope that someday we will get through this.  I have been on both sides of this issue - my first son was always coming home with a bite mark from daycare and now my second son is the bitter.  I was upset when my first son was getting hurt, but the emotional helplessnes you feel when you can't control a behavior problem is so much worse.  So for the parents whose kids are getting bit, please know we are working to find a solution and we need your sympathy as well.  It gives us extreme emotional heartache knowing our children are causing pain to innocent kids. Hopefully soon the novelty of my son's biting will end just like the love for a new toy.  But my main advice is not to overact and make sure your daycare facility isn't escalating the problem!