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Child Behavior (Expert Forum)
Dealing with death of grandmother
Answered by
Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D. - Child and Adolescent Psychotherapy, Family Therapy, Crisis Intervention
Harvard Vanguard Medical Associates
This forum is for questions and support regarding child behavior issues such: Child Discipline (behavior management), Normal Child Development, Parent-Child Communications, Social Development
Dealing with death of grandmother
by Kathleen marie, May 02, 2005 12:00AM
My 5 1/2 year old lost a grandparent she was quite close to a number of weeks ago. Since there was a cremation (and it was early and sudden) there was only a service that was very emotional and she did not attend. We have offered to have our own service ie., plant a tree, toss flowers, send a message to heaven, but she is not interested. While she understands what happened (another grand died 3 weeks later and she did attend the short memorial), she refuses to discuss this. She is having major trouble falling asleep and staying asleep(never before a problem). While we give her comfort as needed, the reason she can't sleep changes as we adress the previous reason (room too dark, book scared her, ride at park.) Since these sleep issues started after the death, we have to believe that this is the root cause, but when we gently bring up the issue, she claims to forget the death b/c she has a bad memory. Do you have any advice and how long should we allow this to go on? Her tiredness is affecting how she gets through the day.
Doctor's Answer
by Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D., May 03, 2005 12:00AM
, May 03, 2005 12:00AM
Without dwelling on the matter of the death of her relatives, you should continue to bring it up. A useful means of doing so is to obtain a book from your local library about helping young children deal with the issue of death. The do not and cannot understand death entirely, but the matter can be addressed. Often the books are in story format and they convey to you, the parent, how to talk about the subject of death. Sometimes the books are meant to be read to/with the child, and in the course of telling the story you can inject material pertinent to your own family situation.
Member Comments (2)
by lmroswell, May 08, 2005 12:00AM
Little ones can take things so literally. If the child heard from someone that Grandma went to sleep and went to heaven, she might think that the same thing could happen to her. I am not saying that is what happened, but that may be what she is thinking of. Just a thought. My condolences to you and your family...
