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Defiant Parents
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Defiant Parents

Good morning or evening or day or night or afternoon guys and whassup. My name is Hamed Khatiz and I am a sixteen year old student, writer, drummer, adviser and many more from Sydney. When I was walking home from school there was this woman beside me, we were about to cross the road, and she had her daughter next to her.

They were kind of hard to miss, considering her daughter's volume. She was screaming like nothing you have ever seen before. She was cying and shrieking incomprehensibly. I then heard her mother's response. "No, no. you can cry all you want, that stuff doesn't work with me" and I was like "Oh, wow! One of them LOL."

She kept on going and she kept on defying. It was all incomprehensible until about three minutes later I heard another one of her mother's repsonses. "No, I am not carrying you. I said you were going to walk today." Oh my wow. It was like an army comamndo, totally defiant and the way she said "that stuff's not going to work with me."

In Sydney and especially in the area where I live, there are so many bluntly defiant parents refsuing to give in to their kids. Does that kind of a response and attitude to harm to children? I mean I could imagine myself in that situation and if someone said to me, "that stuff isn't going to work on me", at the age of two or three, I wouldn't know what to think. I would imagine some kids would be terrified if their parents showed that kind of an attitude.

How common is that defiant, hard kind of attitude attitude and yeah, does it ever work?

If I got some of this wrong, please forgive me, I am sixteen and have no experience in this area so yeah.

Khatiz.
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Hi there!  Well, I guess it sort of depends.  I'm not sure I would refuse to carry my young child if it was any kind of distance, or at the very least stop to give them a rest.  It also would depend on the childs age.

You are speaking in general terms though so I'll do my best.  I have a 2 year old who, like every normal child his age is learning about boundaries.  He is also (and again, normal behavior) pretty set on what he wants, even if it's not something he should have.  So, for example, it's a half hour before dinner and he wants a cookie.  Of course I say no.  The temper tantrum begins..screaming and yelling as if someone was hurting him or something.  But this is the only way he can truly express his frustration.  So yes, I will gently say, "I'm sorry your sad, but you still cannot have a cookie.  Would you like a hug instead?"  Or something like that.  I'm not big on totally ignoring his feelings, but there are times where there really isn't much you can do beyond allowing the situation to play itself out.  

I guess my opinion is that it's important to show them their feelings matter, without always giving in to their demands.  Otherwise, you are teaching them that screaming and kicking up a fuss get's them what they want.  

There will be others with far more parenting experience then I have jumping in here I'm sure. Interesting question Khatiz...I am curious to see myself how others answer this.
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