Dear Dee,
Both of the anticonvulsants your son was prescribed tend to have a relatively low incidence of adverse reactions and have favorable side effect profiles. In the case of Depakote, in the clinical trials leading to its use for treatment of complex partial seizures, more than 1% but less than 5% of the participants in the trials experienced urinary incontinence. And, while aggression was not noted in the clinical trials, it has been reported in case examples or other trials.
Neither aggression nor incontinence would be expected side effects with Dilantin, but there is no assurance of how any one person might respond. Having said that, I would encourage you not to shy away from drug treatment of your son's seizure disorder. It's not unusual to try more than one medication in the search for the drug that will be clinically effective and, at the same time, have a favorable side effect profile for your son.
My daughter Nicole has a very violent temper. When she doesn't get her way she get very physical and tries to kill me. What should I do?