Dicipline for an age 2 1/2 autistic boy

My daughter has her 2 1/2 year old autistic son in mutiple therapies, classes, etc., and has for over a year. It is, of course, going to bankrupt them.

While there has been remarkable progress, his parents allow him to do everything he wants to do and never discipline him. Anytime he does not get his way, he simply throws a tantrum and he does get his way. The parents insist that this is the way they have decided to handle his autistic behavior, with the advice and backing of the various therapists. They say it is far better for his progression to allow him to grow out of this behavior than to discipline him.

Also, his mother sleeps with this boy, takes him everywhere, and cannot even go to the bathroom without this boy hanging on. They are literally joined at the hip. She must be with him each waking moment. She is, of course, always exhausted and sleep deprived.

We cannot have this child in our home because he is very destructive and they simply allow his destructive behavior. He has destroyed virtually everything he can get his hands on in his parents home.

My wife and I baby sit this boy's 8 1/2 month younger brother (who has shown no signs of autism so far) at least 2 days a week and see the older autistic boy shun his younger brother, bite him, refuse to play with him, and refuse to let the baby play with any of his toys.

I do not consider this a healthy scenario and am worried sick about my daughter. She is extremely worried that her youngest son will become autistic (the oldest son started his decline into autism at 18-19 months). These are highly educated people so I hesitate to say anything at all. However, we are considering just staying away from the oldest boy as much as possible. I see a nervous breakdown and disaster coming.

My question is:  Is this a normal, healthy way to deal with the "terrible twos" in an autistic child?

Stan714

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

It is an understandable, but unwise approach. Autistic children do not 'grow out of behavior'. If the laissez-faire approach is employed, the behavior will certainly not improve and may worsen. Perhaps the parents would approve of an evaluation with an expert in Applied Behavior Analysis to help them design a sytematic plan for intervention.