Discipline

My younger son is 21 months old, and definately a strong-willed toddler.  My problem is that lately he has been hitting his older brother (age 5), who never hits him back.  He's hitting other children even small babies who try and play with him, and when told "no," shrieks at the top of his lungs, or throws a fit.  I've been reading up on discipline and there are so many different approaches, and when he starts hitting, I take him out of the room, sit him in a chair (I have to hold him there), and tell him "No hitting--be nice." I try and make him sit for about a minute.

He doesn't talk very clearly at all, and has only just started putting words together, mostly "Daddy bye bye,"  "here you go," "Mommy go." I know that he understands more than he can say, though.   Is the hitting just frustration?

This has been going on for a few months, and it's just getting worse.  My older son is almost angelic with him, and starting to get very hurt about the fact that his brother hits him all the time.  I wouldn't blame him if he starts to hit back soon.   Is any attempt at discipline at this age futile? Are time-outs the way to go?  Aside from strait-jacketing him, how do I keep him from hitting other children?  I'm starting to worry that he's going to be perceived as a little monster.

Thanks for your input--it's greatly appreciated.

Diane

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Dear Diane,

You are on the right track. Discipline with a two-year-old is not only not futile, it is absolutely critical to help the child learn impulse control and learn what is allowed and what is not permitted in your family.

Time out for aggressive behavior is the correct response. Over time, your son will learn to remain in the chair by himself. Be sure to use a portable timer to track the time - I cannot overstate how important this is.

[StacyM]

When my son went through a hitting stage, I would make a hurt face, tell him hitting hurts, and show him how to touch nicely. He is now 2.5 years old, and rarely hits anymore. If he does, I put him in time-out for two minutes. I still show him an alternative to hitting. If he gets out of the seat, I add 10 seconds to his time. Also, try verbalizing his feelings for him. This might help with feelings of frustration from not being able to communicate.