Discipline

I have a 14 year old daughter who has ben a good kid, but has been ditching school, smoking pot, and lies continually.  I am divorced and remarried, and I know the divorce has been hard on her.  Her mother gave up and sent her to live with me.  What can I do to get some influence on her that would help her to choose friends more responsibly?

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Dear Mr. Carroll,

The teen years bring special pressures, even with youngsters who have not experienced the sort of stress that children of divorce have experienced. You obviously can't select your daughter's friends - she's in charge of that. You can set reasonable limits, espouse sound values and standards, and exercise your judgment in the best way you can, knowing that you can't determine the outcome.

Consider having your daughter meet with a therapist, who can address the impact of the divorce and the facts of your daughter's current situation.

[akm]

I have a family member that was in the same situation.  When she was pre-teen her parents divorced.  Her dad moved away and her mom stayed gone all the time.  She was left along to take care of her younger brother.  She rebelled against both parents and got into all sorts of trouble (drugs, drinking and teen age pregnancy).  She had her first child at sixteen, then later had two more, all of which have differenct fathers.  Her mother took her oldest and she lost custody of the middle child when she got pregnant with the third.  With this said, you need to get things under control now.  Get your family into couseling.  Let your daughter know how much you love her and not to throw her life away.  Find out what is making her act out this way.  If only my cousin had the love and support of her family when she was that age, maybe her life could have been different.

[starshine]

I know exactly how your daughter feels.  I went thru a similar situation when I was 17.  I also was very violent and angry and did also abuse drugs and alcohol.  Fortunately I have two loving parents who took action and am now what you might call "straightened up".  If you know for sure that your daughter is using drugs you cannot take that lightly.  It all starts with pot then goes to other things, I know.  I told myself that I would never do certain drugs before I started using, but it doesnt take long for you to want to experiment with other things to see how that high feels.  My parents put me into rehab when they found out, and I thank God for that today.  It scared me to death but that is what I needed to get straight.  Counseling is also a very wise idea.  I am now 24 years old and a very happy sober well adjusted person no worse for my wear.  Please, think about your daughters future and take action now.  The last thing that I would want is to know my own daughter had a hard life of drugs and alcohol because I did not take action.  Think about it.  Rehab works!

[sherrilynn]

have you thought about enrolling your daughter in the local youth group?most churches have them,its a safe and healthy atmosphere where teens hang out and do normal teen things,only they are teens who choose not to do drugs/smoke/drink.even if your not religous some times the moral part of church and youth group is a healthy way to influence children to make the proper decisions in hard times.

[CLARENCE BARNES]

I WOULD LIKE SOME INFORMATIONS REGARDING WHAT I CAN DO WITH AN OUT OF CONTROL PRE TEEN?