Discomfort with grandfather's sudden interest in child

This will take some explanation. Every year, my stepdaughter spends time with her grandparents. What should be a great time leaves me feeling uneasy because of her grandfather. I haven't met him but I know he was very grumpy and would yell frequently at the child when she would visit...until recently. He's gone from not talking to her or visiting her (even though his wife visits often) to suddenly accompanying the grandmother to pick the child up, coming to town etc...

Here's where I am on circumstantial evidence that's making me batty...
1. He raised not one but two daughters who stripped in college.
2. He was fired from his college teaching position for an affair with a student
3. Well into adulthood, he would vacation with one adult daughter and they'd share a hotel room with a single bed
4. several of his hobbies are better suited to children than adults.
5. Multiple members of the family seem to have mild asperger's but I can't help but wonder if there is something more at play regarding a profound emotional disconnect that may have nothing to do with asperger's.
6. When we proposed the idea of a counseling for the child, her mother refused, stating that she didn't want a counselor to "put ideas in the child's head"
7. The grandfather is a control freak.

At best, he's a misogynist, at worst he's something more sinister. Am I just being paranoid?

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

H ow old is your stepdaughter? How did it come to be that you have not met this man even though he has contact with your stepdaughter? Does he see her when she is at her mother's home? Your concerns are understandable in light of the circumstances you mentioned. However, there may be limits on what you can do to assuage your concerns or respond to them. I say that because a biological parent has many prerogatives and it does not fall within your scope of influence to make decisions about what occurs in the mother's household. Does her father share the concerns you have and, if he does, what does he think should happen now?

[Katie7751]

She's 10. They don't live in the same town so it wouldn't be out of the normal realm for me not to have met him as he's not my family. These are her Mother's parents. He did not accompany his wife on visits even though she visited often. He recently started doing this more often. In the past year.

No one's paying any attention to what seems to be a perilous history on the gfather's part. I'm aware I have little influence here but needed validation that there is something to at least keep our eye on in the future, especially as the child matures. It's been a difficult conversation with my husband but I feel strongly it needs to continue.

Thank you.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Yes, suffice it to say that there is enough data to warrant close monitoring. A child's safety always has to assume primacy.