Disipline that works

[debbie]

I have a 4 yr old daughter who is always on the go, and always wants her way as I am sure most kids want.  When she misbehaves or starts having a tantrum because she can't have what she wants, I warn her once to stop, and if she does it again, I put her for time out.  She goes for her time out and then a while later she will be right back at the same thing to have made her have the time out to begin with.  What suggestions do you have that will help in this matter of her stoping going back once she has had her displine of time out, because obviously this time out works for a short period, but in the long haul, it does not.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Dear Debbie,

The situation you describe is the norm for a child your daughter's age. Don't expect that, after having had a time out, your daughter will entirely stop the problematic behavior. Be patient, stick with your plan, and over time you will notice some benefit.

[justin davis]

YOU NEED TO WHOOP THAT KIDS BOTTOM!!!!!!!!!! NOWWWWWW!

[justin davis]

YOU NEED TO WHOOP THAT KIDS BOTTOM!!!!!!!!!! NOWWWWWW!

[justin davis]

I MEAN IT LADY !!!!!!!!!!

[Gramm]

Experience is the best teacher.  Children need to know that you will react the same every time they do it and not give in to her or ignore her over time.  If she goes back to doing the same thing after a punishment, punishment must be repeated but maybe a longer time out is needed each time the offense is repeated.  Kids like to push parents to their limits, and sometimes need to see where that limit is.

[justin davis]

LISTEN LADY!!!! IF YOU DONT WHOOP THAT KIDS BUTT RIGHT NOWWWWW!!OR I GONNA DO IT FOR YAHH! PLEASE RESPOND AS SOON AS POSIBLE. THANK YOU

[janet]

I too am a mother of a four year old girl.  I get real frustrated at times with her behavior and there are times that a time out just does not do the trick. But consistency is the main thing. Whats wrong today is wrong tomorrow.  Sometimes I put her in her bed and that is where she stays till I tell her she can come out.  But it is never longer than 10 minutes.  She is usually at her worst behavior if she is overtired and by putting her in her bed she takes a well deserved nap.
I have found out that for some situations I can get her to do something if I give her a choice.  Such as:  You have a choice, you can pick your books up now, or in five minutes.  If they are not done in five minutes I will pick them up and you can not have them for a while.  She knows I mean business when she has seen me throw a toy or two in the garbage for not getting picked up.  Or when she cannot play with a friend or do something special with mom or dad.  
The main thing for the child and you to remember is you are the parent and they need to know you mean business.  Again like I said if it is wrong today it is wrong tomorrow.  You cannot let them get by with something one day simply because you don't want to fight with them.

And Justin, you need to take a chill pill.  Spanking is not always the answer, it does nothing but cause frustration and hurt feelings.  BACK OFF!

[concerned]

Justin
Who do you think you are talking to someone you don't know that way!  You sound like you need to get tossed around a bit--or better yet, slapped into reality.  4 years old is not an adult! Sometimes we forget that we were all kids once!  

Stick to your rules and you'll see the wall coming down.  You have to treat bad behavior with a little sugar and sweetness and everything will be okay.

Good luck!

Justin--BACK OFF IS RIGHT!

[april]

I have a three year old boy, he is our only child.  We cannot figure out the trick.  Our son is so "winney," and he always has a comment to what ever we have to say, (concerning why he is winning).  We are in our mid 20's and the only experience we have is "what we had" as kids at home.

My son can toon me out unlike anyone I have ever met.  He absolutely acts like I'm not talking or calling out something to him.  Don't know what that's about.

My son is very adorable, and I'm pretty sure that he doe'nt realize that he is a "kid".

I am the one who spanks, my husband won't spank him unless he has done something really wrong or bad.  I sure that I go for the spanking to often.  I want my son to be a kid, but at the same time I want him to know when I say be quiet, I mean "BE QUIET".  As well as doing what I say the 1sr time not the 10th time I say so.  And definetly without the "Why".

Back to the question.  Is this just a tipical kid?
Or am I asking for to much (overbearing)?

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[helen]

Often times, children aren't aware of why they are suffering a consequence.  Giving time out can be very effective when it is given consistently and appropriately.  The child should be aware of why he/she is being placed in time out and given appropriate strategies to correct the inappropriate behavior.  For example:  "Pat, I can understand that you are angry, but it is inappropriate for you to hit your brother.  The next time you feel angry you can hit your pillow or bed.  I want you to go to your room for ten minutes and think about this."  Consistency is very important and the child should be aware of the rules and consequences of the home.  A child will learn by example.  If he/she is taught how to deal with anger and agression at an early age, it will prepare him/her to deal with it more effectively as an adult.  Spanking only reinforces violence and ineffective resolution.  It teaches children that their feelings are wrong.  It's a quick fix that only reinforces repression of feelings and sets the stage for adult disorders.  Communicate openly and positively and always with love.

[kelly]

i believe that the child nees to know that you are the bosss. you can not have a four year old control you. you need to stick to a 'what i say goes' technique with your child. if you are at the shops and she wants a lolly and starts crying for it i would walk away rom her to show to her she is not getting her own way, even ifthis means other people look at me

[soph]

All of your responses here are so close to home. My nephew who has just turned 3 totally controls his parents. He is extremely bright but a very spoilt and kniving child. If he does not get his own way, he will go into a tantrum, face down on the floor or run off into another room for a minute and reamerge worse than before.

If you try to talk to him calmly he still has a fit. He just does not want to listen. The parents will use bribery to control him. They will say things like, "if you eat this or do this we will buy you your new bike". I personally am against this form of bribery but cannot say or do anything.

Even on his birthday he was not interested in blowing out his birthday candles but instead insisted on staying on the computer to play games. We took the cake to the computer so he could blow them out but had an absolute tantrum when we tried to interupt. It is so frustrating because the parents don't try any method of dispipline and make excuses for him like, he's tired, he hasn't eaten or he is being toilet trained and that is why he is like this.

I beleive the problems her are far deeper and could be more than one. I find it frustrating when I want to do something but as Auntie I am not sure what to do. I don't want to overstep my boundaries as I am not the parent, but do know this child does have problems and I do not want my future child to interact with him when he is like this.

[Joy]

I have just now logged into this site as I too have a very whiney, 4 year old girl who has a tendency to "meltdown"! I love her so very much and she is sweet as pie, usually!!! Jesh, sometimes, I think the moon would be a good place for me to go hide at these times. However, as a mother I just kind of plug along.... Now, the reason that I am replying to this memo is that, you- Justin makes me sick! Justin, I have no idea how old you are, however, you need to grow up! It is people like you that make this world a crummy place and people like you that help (NOT) our children to grow up happy! Jesh...you need to have someone take you over their knee and spank the snot out of you! Or, maybe you need some love which you never received as a child.
In either case, I hope you do not ever have children.

[Rachel]

Justin,  I hope you never plan on having children!

[JACLYN P]

As a preteacher in Early Childhood Education and a mother of a seven and a half month old I can tell you that children can be very difficult all together.  I know for a fact that neither spanking nor letting the child know who is boss is the answer.  What you need to do as a parent is to sit down with your daughter and tell her exactly what you have a problem with and let her know why you feel this behavior is unappropriate. Then ask her if she has any questions and encourage her to talk about the situation.  You may find out the reasons behind her acting this way and it will make more sense to you.  It can be very difficult understanding children because everything is new to them.  The thing you need to remember is that she does not think like us because she is not an adult.  I would definately only use time-out as a last resort.

[JACLYN P]

As a preteacher in Early Childhood Education and a mother of a seven and a half month old I can tell you that children can be very difficult all together.  I know for a fact that neither spanking nor letting the child know who is boss is the answer.  What you need to do as a parent is to sit down with your daughter and tell her exactly what you have a problem with and let her know why you feel this behavior is unappropriate. Then ask her if she has any questions and encourage her to talk about the situation.  You may find out the reasons behind her acting this way and it will make more sense to you.  It can be very difficult understanding children because everything is new to them.  The thing you need to remember is that she does not think like us because she is not an adult.  I would definately only use time-out as a last resort.

[Daniella]

I think ever child is different. When a child act out it is because they are expressing there fellings. If you think a child is acting out the rong way stop them and hold them. THen when they are done with their tantrum explain to them you love them but next time they want something that they can talk to you. Make sure you always talk to your child and hold them. I know sometimes its hard, but look at how upset they are. Do you really think they enjoy the tantrum. My daughter still has tantrums but after she is done she comes up and gives me a hug and we talk about what just happened.  And let me tell you she really never has them anymore. When she douse have them she is looking for my attention and I know I need to stoo what ever Im doing and talk to her. They are humans to who have feeling and are just learning how to deal with them

[mom2000]

Please ,Spanking is the a truly afectt way

[Kate]

Please ,Spanking is the a truly afectt way