Divorced Mother co Sleeping with my 7 year old son?

[Dadmo]

I've been divorced and separated for 13 months and have split custody of my 7 year old son. Prior to our divorce, we had issues with my ex-wife insisting on our son sleeping in bed with us. We previously agreed to teach him to sleep in his bed (which we were able to do over the course of a couple months).  Since my ex-wife has lived elsewhere, she makes our son sleep with her every night. He has his own bed and his own room at both homes. When he comes home with me, it's always a struggle to get him to sleep in his own bed - negotiations, crying, pleading, etc.


One of the major caveats that has become part of my biggest concern surrounding co sleeping is that my ex-wife had an affair with a very violent and manipulative man (she agreed to marry him less than a week after meeting him). We went through an extensive custody fight where she was trying to take our son full time and move him 60 miles away to live with her and her fiance. After thorough investigation from a court appointed guardian, she was not allowed to move away, and this other man has been permanently "barred" from ever being in my son's presence. The man is covered with tattoos from head to toe, has a documented past history with drugs, alcohol and violence and is very scary looking (from a child's perspective). I believe she is continuing to work to find a way to have the part of the order barring him rescinded since they are still engaged to be married.

The guardian ultimately determined that my ex wife was not making decisions that are in the best interest of our son, even though we are currently still splitting parenting time equally.

This presents an enormous concern for my son's welfare in my opinion, especially when it comes to co sleeping. I have asked my ex wife on numerous occasions to work with me in training our son to sleep in his own room. She has flat out refused. I know that part of her insistence is because it makes her feel safe to have someone in bed with her.

Training a child to sleep in their own bed, especially at 7 years old takes a long time. I'm very worried at the possibility of this man being allowed to be around my son, and further sleep in the same bed with him.  There is also a lot of unnecessary stress (for both my son and I) that happens when I try to get him to sleep in his own bed.

Is it unreasonable to insist or pursue a more rigid approach in asking my ex wife to immediately stop allowing our son to co sleep with her? I want to make sure I'm approaching this concern from the perspective of my son's best interests.

Does anyone have experience with family courts on this matter - is requesting a change of parenting time if she does not stop co sleeping something that would be a good idea to pursue as a last ditch effort?  

Any and all insights to my question would be super!

[princessmommy88]

I personally would not fight to take away your ex's parenting time with your son. Children need both their father and mother in their life. Maybe an approach you would take is buying him a bed set with his favorite characters. But tell him you will only get it if he is sleeping in his own bed, because you do not want to waste money for nothing. Sit his mom down and tell her what your stance is and why. Explain the her how it is hurting yalls son in the long run. Good luck.