Do you consider this backtalk?

[deezee4]

My husband is the step father to our 10 year old son.  Our son does not have contact with his birth father and looks at my husband as his father.  My husband has raised our son since he is 4.  They are somewhat close and I believe they truly love each other but they seem to have a communication problem.  I also feel that my husband is sometimes to hard on our son.  I'd like to add that our son also has ADHD and is well behave considering.  My question is this:    Senerio:  Father says:  I didn't tell you to go to your room.           Son replies:  Yes you did!

My husband see this as talking back.  He claims our son is not only talking back but calling him a liar.  I don't see it this way.   I don't know why our son does this often, but don't feel it is back talk.  Do you?

[babygirl6152]

wait a minute- the whole issue here is that the dad felt some disrespect- I am quite sure it was not WHAT was said but HOW it was said------- when dad 'corrects'  and the child becomes defensive he should not be allowed to yell back at his dad-
you both need a unified front- and I may be reading between the lines but mom you cannot ever let your child play victim- I've seen this in too many families- mom should NOT swoop in and rescue her son unless dad has been abusive..... on the other hand- if you think dad was too rough confront him in private, LATER....

by the way-

a child should be able to explain his actions- and even reply to something they feel is unjust- but the child should say it respectfully-

teach him to respond this way- in a quiet tone toward dad- always always addressing him  with respect and by name "Dad, or Michael, o r  Pop...  Can I explain?" "Dad, I thought you told me....." or Oh I'm sorry I thought you said......
It's not what you say- it's how you say it......

[HurricaneHolly]

I often have this problem with my husband and his step son.  It is always very important for your son to be able to voice his opinion, stating a fact or what he thought is always important.  Talking back is not.  I feel you are very justified about this.  Kids will lose all hopes of communication if they feel that they are always going to get into trouble for saying how they feel.  Trust me I know.. Good luck.

[Sandman2]

   It seems to me that Dad said, go to your room, and son did not.  So dad said, etc, and son replied.  Guess what - both are right and both are involved in one-upmanship - which is ridiculous.  You ask a kid a question and you have opened the gates for any possible answer.  Both Dad and the kid will have to figure out what pushes the button and learn to stay away from that button.  That takes communication.  Probably, most importantly when the button is pushed - you gotta let the other person know that they have pushed your button.
  By the way, the correct response (to me) from Dad would have been, "Son, I told you 5 min. ago to go to your room."  If you are not there in one minute, ________ will happen."  In short, don't ask questions when you know the answer.
  You also asked, "I don't know why our son does this often, but don't feel it is back talk.  Do you? "  First, your son is not calling Dad a liar (and Dad might want to explain to son why he feels that way).  Second, ya - he is back talking and because he does it often, he knows what he is doing.  The trouble is, it may not be backtalking to your son, and if he doesn't know its regarded this way, it will keep going.
  In short your son is 10, and starting to respond to the world around him - how you parents react will be very important to how he responds to you.  So start communicating.

[margypops]

Is your son not allowed to go to his room whenever he wants to? why does he have to ask, also if your son is expressing a truth that his step dad that he didnt tell him to go to his room he is simply speaking the truthand .I believe you are right . You say they are 'somewhat close' it suggests that there is a clash ,I always think Moms have to stand up for their children, perhaps go with your gut feeling here?