Does it cause problems if nine and ten year old sons sleep with their mother?

My ex-wife allows her nine and ten year old sons to sleep with her. Will this
have any consequences in their normal development or should it be
discouraged?

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Dear Mr. Ebberts,

Societies and cultures vary in relation to many aspects of parenting. In this culture, barring necessity (e.g., cramped quarters, poverty), it is not recommended that children sleep with their parents. Such a practice tends to interfere with achieving normal degrees of separation and autonomy, and often breeds undue dependence.

Having said that, there are some who espouse the practice of the 'family bed', and these people are sincere in their belief that this practice promotes sound family ties. I happen to disagree with the practice, but it's important to acknowledge legitimate differences of opinion in certain matters.

I worry about those situations when a parent has children sleep with them due to their (i.e., parent's) insecurity and need for closeness that should properly be met in other ways.