Aa
Don't give up
Ryan has suffered for the past 2 1/2 years with behaviour problems and filling his pants. Ryan is a special child who didn't adjust well to the school environment. By the time he was 6 he was completely switched off from school and wouldn't work unless he had 1:1 attention. Unfortunately Ryan is very intelligent and as it turns out very manipulative and he exploited the mistrust that existed between home and school.
We almost gave up hope and almost withdrew Ryan from school - to home school him. Thankfully we have the right to 'education otherwise'. The alternative proposed by the local authority was a special school for children with emotional and social behaviour difficulties - a school with cells.
Since withdrawing Ryan from the control of the local authority - we (his parents) have taken responsibility for the control of Ryan's behaviour - we were very lucky to meet a group of committed independant educational professionals to support us to get Ryan back on track. He is now happy in an independant school with small class sizes and working with teachers who are happy and enjoy their work, not resentful of targets, demands and budgets etc. Teachers who remember why they became teachers, and who have the time to treat the children in their care as individuals not robots.
I am not blaming the schools - there were 3 before we found the right placement for Ryan and one of those schools were perfectly adequate for Ryans older siblings. Some kids are 'special' and need that little bit extra support - that doesn't make them disabled - sometimes its because they are so able - as in Ryan's case.
The message is - when you fell like giving up - don't. Everyone had given up on Ryan and told us that we should accept the fact that Ryan needed 'treatment'. It wasn't that many years ago that professional advice would have involved electro- shock treatment. Although things were desperate and at times we felt despair we didn't give up - and thats why Ryan is where he is today. A happy healthy and well behaved 8 year old boy.
Drugs were never recommended but were considered for Ryan - what permanent damage could they have done to his developing brain. How much slower would his development have been.
This discussion is related to Behavior problems in my 5 yr old son.
We almost gave up hope and almost withdrew Ryan from school - to home school him. Thankfully we have the right to 'education otherwise'. The alternative proposed by the local authority was a special school for children with emotional and social behaviour difficulties - a school with cells.
Since withdrawing Ryan from the control of the local authority - we (his parents) have taken responsibility for the control of Ryan's behaviour - we were very lucky to meet a group of committed independant educational professionals to support us to get Ryan back on track. He is now happy in an independant school with small class sizes and working with teachers who are happy and enjoy their work, not resentful of targets, demands and budgets etc. Teachers who remember why they became teachers, and who have the time to treat the children in their care as individuals not robots.
I am not blaming the schools - there were 3 before we found the right placement for Ryan and one of those schools were perfectly adequate for Ryans older siblings. Some kids are 'special' and need that little bit extra support - that doesn't make them disabled - sometimes its because they are so able - as in Ryan's case.
The message is - when you fell like giving up - don't. Everyone had given up on Ryan and told us that we should accept the fact that Ryan needed 'treatment'. It wasn't that many years ago that professional advice would have involved electro- shock treatment. Although things were desperate and at times we felt despair we didn't give up - and thats why Ryan is where he is today. A happy healthy and well behaved 8 year old boy.
Drugs were never recommended but were considered for Ryan - what permanent damage could they have done to his developing brain. How much slower would his development have been.
This discussion is related to Behavior problems in my 5 yr old son.
The professionals would not 'label' Ryan - their words not mine. However, it was implied that Ryan was suffering/ is suffering from ODC and the root cause was poor parenting.
We didn't accept that diagnosis - we had him assessed independantly for development delay - he was put on a special diet we gave him Zinc and Omega 3 supplements we even bought him software to train his eyes. He loved the attention but it didn't make any difference to his soiling or his behaviour.
We had him assessed by Independant Educational psychologist- he had no learning difficulty - but he was failing at school. I planned to take Ryan for assessment to Kent because my research led me to believe that he may have asbergers. This condition is very difficult to diagnose and the consequences of not diagnosing a child with it can be dire when they reach adulthood. (Yes, we were deperate for answers).
We had him assessed for IQ and he was described as gifted. This has been demonstrated recently with reading and spelling ages of 10.7 (he isn't 8 until August and he has missed school almost completely between the ages of 4 and 6). We were told Ryan was too young but we engaged an independant clinical psychologist to work with him using cognitive behaviour therapy. Our theory was that his view of the world had been warped and we needed to straighten it out so that he reacted differently to conflict situations.
Ryan had such a hightened sence of anxiety when he was at school he was waiting for the next confrontation - and the next rejection (he was constantly being suspended from school). He tried so hard - he never refused to go to school at any time throughout the 2 1/2 years we have struggled with this. The Local authority psychologist assessed him at school and with the tools she used determined that he was not anxious. However, we spent time at school watching Ryan in the classroom and the playground and that convinced us that Ryan was a different boy at school that at home and that there was something very wrong.
We had him independantly assessed by a paediatric gasterentarologist regarding his soiling and he believed that Ryan simply stopped going to the toilet (due to anxiety) and his system backed up - resulting in impacted bowel. We 'flushed him out' an unpleaseant experience for all and now we give him senokot every day to make sure he goes when he needs too (doctors advice). This is going really well - he is gaining sensitivity back in his bowels and hasn't had a mishap for 6 months.
The Local authority professionals would not accept/ acknowledge the independant assessments. The advice re: soiling was psychologist intervention - it was believed to be behavioural, and to change his behaviour the solution was to segregate him from mainstream education and put him with children of a similar disposition. In a special school for social, emotional and behavioural difficulties. He was given a statement of Educational need (SEN).
At this point we turned to 'education otherwise' and fully intended to withdraw Ryan and school him ourselves (as a last resort). However, after searching the web for options we found a small independant school relatively local with small class sizes and a unique ethos. Rivington Park in Bolton.
The headmaster provided pastural care to Ryan and dedicated a great deal of his own time and school resources to achieve the transformation in Ryan's self esteem. He has earned Ryans trust - which was no mean fete given Ryan's experiences. Measurable improvements took a term or so - it has taken almost a year for the transformation but what a tranformation. There have been times when we have wondered wether we were on the right track - but we are so glad that we didn't give up. This headmaster and his staff have been so very supportive. Ryan didn't need full time one to one support - he went into class straight away - but he did get one to one support when he needed it. Not with school work - with managing his behaviour.
The school realised that Ryan had suffered - and importantly that my husband and I were in hell. They didn't just help Ryan they helped us all and with their support we all grew stronger and more confident. I think we are out of the woods now and I am so grateful - I can never repay the kindness and empathy we have been shown.
We still supplement Ryan's diet with omega 3 - but we are not too strict about his diet he is allowed coco pops now and pizza, ravioli and meatballs - stuff we banned from his diet for a while. I noticed when we banned these things from his diet if he eat a lollipop he seemed to go nutty. It made him ultrasensitive to the 'bad' things. I try to make sure he gets a few 'bad' things but not too many - if you know what I mean.
We didn't accept that diagnosis - we had him assessed independantly for development delay - he was put on a special diet we gave him Zinc and Omega 3 supplements we even bought him software to train his eyes. He loved the attention but it didn't make any difference to his soiling or his behaviour.
We had him assessed by Independant Educational psychologist- he had no learning difficulty - but he was failing at school. I planned to take Ryan for assessment to Kent because my research led me to believe that he may have asbergers. This condition is very difficult to diagnose and the consequences of not diagnosing a child with it can be dire when they reach adulthood. (Yes, we were deperate for answers).
We had him assessed for IQ and he was described as gifted. This has been demonstrated recently with reading and spelling ages of 10.7 (he isn't 8 until August and he has missed school almost completely between the ages of 4 and 6). We were told Ryan was too young but we engaged an independant clinical psychologist to work with him using cognitive behaviour therapy. Our theory was that his view of the world had been warped and we needed to straighten it out so that he reacted differently to conflict situations.
Ryan had such a hightened sence of anxiety when he was at school he was waiting for the next confrontation - and the next rejection (he was constantly being suspended from school). He tried so hard - he never refused to go to school at any time throughout the 2 1/2 years we have struggled with this. The Local authority psychologist assessed him at school and with the tools she used determined that he was not anxious. However, we spent time at school watching Ryan in the classroom and the playground and that convinced us that Ryan was a different boy at school that at home and that there was something very wrong.
We had him independantly assessed by a paediatric gasterentarologist regarding his soiling and he believed that Ryan simply stopped going to the toilet (due to anxiety) and his system backed up - resulting in impacted bowel. We 'flushed him out' an unpleaseant experience for all and now we give him senokot every day to make sure he goes when he needs too (doctors advice). This is going really well - he is gaining sensitivity back in his bowels and hasn't had a mishap for 6 months.
The Local authority professionals would not accept/ acknowledge the independant assessments. The advice re: soiling was psychologist intervention - it was believed to be behavioural, and to change his behaviour the solution was to segregate him from mainstream education and put him with children of a similar disposition. In a special school for social, emotional and behavioural difficulties. He was given a statement of Educational need (SEN).
At this point we turned to 'education otherwise' and fully intended to withdraw Ryan and school him ourselves (as a last resort). However, after searching the web for options we found a small independant school relatively local with small class sizes and a unique ethos. Rivington Park in Bolton.
The headmaster provided pastural care to Ryan and dedicated a great deal of his own time and school resources to achieve the transformation in Ryan's self esteem. He has earned Ryans trust - which was no mean fete given Ryan's experiences. Measurable improvements took a term or so - it has taken almost a year for the transformation but what a tranformation. There have been times when we have wondered wether we were on the right track - but we are so glad that we didn't give up. This headmaster and his staff have been so very supportive. Ryan didn't need full time one to one support - he went into class straight away - but he did get one to one support when he needed it. Not with school work - with managing his behaviour.
The school realised that Ryan had suffered - and importantly that my husband and I were in hell. They didn't just help Ryan they helped us all and with their support we all grew stronger and more confident. I think we are out of the woods now and I am so grateful - I can never repay the kindness and empathy we have been shown.
We still supplement Ryan's diet with omega 3 - but we are not too strict about his diet he is allowed coco pops now and pizza, ravioli and meatballs - stuff we banned from his diet for a while. I noticed when we banned these things from his diet if he eat a lollipop he seemed to go nutty. It made him ultrasensitive to the 'bad' things. I try to make sure he gets a few 'bad' things but not too many - if you know what I mean.
Thank you for the encouragement that we all need. Please share more info.
What is Ryan's diagnosis? What did you find to be helpful? Does he attend public schools? How did you find his new school? Is he getting any therapies? Does he have a one on one aide? What kind of diet is he on? Does he take Omega 3?
What is Ryan's diagnosis? What did you find to be helpful? Does he attend public schools? How did you find his new school? Is he getting any therapies? Does he have a one on one aide? What kind of diet is he on? Does he take Omega 3?
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