EXTREME Separation Anxiety

My son, who is 2.5 years old, developed a very strong bond with me around1 year old.  My wife and I are, naturally, married and happily so.  We both work and she is a very loving and caring Mother whom he loves very much.

BUT.  He has developed extreme separation anxiety with me.  This has been going on so long that I am going nuts.  

It's become so bad that I can't leave the room he's in.  I can't go the restroom without him banging on the door to enter.  I can't go outside if he's in and inside if he's out.  If I go to the store, heck, even if I run upstairs to get my shoes......full blown cry and fit.  Doesn't matter if his Mother home or not.  Even if she goes somewhere without me and takes him....he's off and blowing up again.

I do travel on business but always have.  It's a normal occurrence that typically will keep me away from home for one or two nights and then back home.

Again, this began around 1 yr. and he's now 2.5.  It's been growing very slowly and steadily but always getting worse.  

I need help.  I'm beginning to resent my precious little boy and I hate myself for it.  I just don't know what to do.  We've tried the stern approach, we've tried him holding a picture of me.  We've tried me smothering him with attention (which is where things really started getting worse!) and we've tried me  distancing myself.  All have failed.

Please, does anyone have any ideas???

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

It's going to be a challenge, but it will be important for you to maintain your equanimity and carry on with a regular routine in the family. Don't, as you've already learned I think, go out of your way to accommodate your son. Just be available to him in a casual, matter-of-fact way. It's likely that your comings and goings have played a part in this response, but your job requires your absences and it's a less-than-perfect world in this regard. Your son will adjust to this. My advice may not be very comforting, but you'll have to 'roll with the punches', so to speak, and not permit yourself to adopt negative feelings toward you son. This reaction is not something he's in charge of. Over time it will improve.

[Lost Father]

Could you e-mail me?  I have another question I would prefer not to post online.

***@****.

Many thanks

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

It is our policy at MedHelp to confine our communications to the Forum. But I would certainly be glad to respond to your inquiries here.

[AREnglish]

A related discussion, Extreme separation anxiety affecting sleep was started.