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Child Behavior (Expert Forum)
EXTREME Separation Anxiety
Answered by
Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D. - Child and Adolescent Psychotherapy, Family Therapy, Crisis Intervention
Harvard Vanguard Medical Associates
This forum is for questions and support regarding child behavior issues such: Child Discipline (behavior management), Normal Child Development, Parent-Child Communications, Social Development
EXTREME Separation Anxiety
by Lost Father, Jul 15, 2007 12:00AM
My son, who is 2.5 years old, developed a very strong bond with me around1 year old. My wife and I are, naturally, married and happily so. We both work and she is a very loving and caring Mother whom he loves very much.
BUT. He has developed extreme separation anxiety with me. This has been going on so long that I am going nuts.
It's become so bad that I can't leave the room he's in. I can't go the restroom without him banging on the door to enter. I can't go outside if he's in and inside if he's out. If I go to the store, heck, even if I run upstairs to get my shoes......full blown cry and fit. Doesn't matter if his Mother home or not. Even if she goes somewhere without me and takes him....he's off and blowing up again.
I do travel on business but always have. It's a normal occurrence that typically will keep me away from home for one or two nights and then back home.
Again, this began around 1 yr. and he's now 2.5. It's been growing very slowly and steadily but always getting worse.
I need help. I'm beginning to resent my precious little boy and I hate myself for it. I just don't know what to do. We've tried the stern approach, we've tried him holding a picture of me. We've tried me smothering him with attention (which is where things really started getting worse!) and we've tried me distancing myself. All have failed.
Please, does anyone have any ideas???
BUT. He has developed extreme separation anxiety with me. This has been going on so long that I am going nuts.
It's become so bad that I can't leave the room he's in. I can't go the restroom without him banging on the door to enter. I can't go outside if he's in and inside if he's out. If I go to the store, heck, even if I run upstairs to get my shoes......full blown cry and fit. Doesn't matter if his Mother home or not. Even if she goes somewhere without me and takes him....he's off and blowing up again.
I do travel on business but always have. It's a normal occurrence that typically will keep me away from home for one or two nights and then back home.
Again, this began around 1 yr. and he's now 2.5. It's been growing very slowly and steadily but always getting worse.
I need help. I'm beginning to resent my precious little boy and I hate myself for it. I just don't know what to do. We've tried the stern approach, we've tried him holding a picture of me. We've tried me smothering him with attention (which is where things really started getting worse!) and we've tried me distancing myself. All have failed.
Please, does anyone have any ideas???
Doctor's Answer
by Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D., Jul 15, 2007 12:00AM
, Jul 15, 2007 12:00AM
It's going to be a challenge, but it will be important for you to maintain your equanimity and carry on with a regular routine in the family. Don't, as you've already learned I think, go out of your way to accommodate your son. Just be available to him in a casual, matter-of-fact way. It's likely that your comings and goings have played a part in this response, but your job requires your absences and it's a less-than-perfect world in this regard. Your son will adjust to this. My advice may not be very comforting, but you'll have to 'roll with the punches', so to speak, and not permit yourself to adopt negative feelings toward you son. This reaction is not something he's in charge of. Over time it will improve.
***@****.
Many thanks