Emotional 4 year old in social settings

[lulumm21]

My sweet near 4 1/2 year old daughter has a hard time engaging in social activities that she loves.  She's been in gymnastics for 2 years and was put in an advanced class and even though she can't wait to go and practices at home all the time, many days, the minute we get there she cries, and continues crying the whole time. She still participates and doesn't want to go home, but is emotional the entire time.  She also does the same thing with swimming which she also is so excited to do but once class starts she doesn't want to be involved and cries.  I put her in private swimming lessons and she did great.  She also periodically does the same thing when I take her to her class at church.  I had her in dance and the same thing would happen.  She would cry because she didn't want to go into the class but cry even harder when we would leave if she didn't go in.  I thought maybe she was too young and didn't like it so I took her out, but seeing her do the same thing at the places and activities she loves is hard for me to watch and know what to do.  I want her to be involved and develop talents, but I obviously don't want to force her to get upset at every situation.  I feel like I've tried everything I can to prepare her before hand, and somedays she's great but many other days it doesn't work.  She's always had issues being shy and I was wondering if the behavior can be caused by that? Are there things I can do to prepare her emotionally for these situations?  She still begs to go to dance but I told her we need to wait until she's older.  She wants to do things but I don't want to put her through emotional pain.  What can I do to help her?

[Angela0528]

It sounds like your daughter might sometimes get overwhelmed by situations and not really understand her feelings that trigger the crying. It sounds like she's shy and when the butterflies start to flutter, her reaction is to cry. I know she's only 4 1/2 but have you asked her to use her words to describe to you what she's feeling when she's having these episodes? Try pulling her aside, where it's quiet, where she can't see other people looking at you two, and ask her to descrbe what she feels. It sounds like nerves get the best of her. A lot of emotions are running through her and to her crying is the only solution. Next time you take her to a class, start off by making a firm statement that if she starts crying she's leaving, then do it! Get to the root of why she feels the need to cry. Point out to her she has no reason to cry, mom's not going any where, she's safe, etc. Tell her you only want her to have fun and when mommy sees you crying it makes her think you're not having any fun.  If she can't put words to her feelings try to help her by describing how you feel when you get nervous, the butterflies, the excitment, maybe tell a story about when you were younger and nervous. I'd also like to suggest you taking a mommy and me class together, whether it's dancing or swimming or arts class. It might help her to have you right there next to her. Or maybe get her in a playgroup, so she's around more children but the main activity is just free play because it sounds like it's the group that sets her off, not the learning part of a class.

[LRM1021]

I agree that your daughter is getting overwhelmed by situations. It soulds like she is suffering from social anxiety-- and it is painful for her and inhibiting her from doing things she would like to do. I suggest that you seek professional evaluation so that you can develop a treatment plan that allows her to overcome her anxiety. Since social anxiety can be serious, I would not suggest doing this without professional evaluation.