Evil stepmom or Evil ex wife?

[Denya]

My husbands ex wife is with holding his daughters from seeing me.  She refuses to let him see his youngest more than an hour. She thinks I am a treat to the kids because I called child services after learning that the oldest was being molested.  I let my emotions fly a night at a recital and because of my anger, she now thinks I'm a monster.  She didn't return my husbands calls for 5 months and now she is playing this game only an hour a week?  Does anyone have any advice?  (Just so I am clear, the child was being molested and she is now seeking therapy and she no longer has temper tantrums, anger outbursts at other kids, and is very well behaved)  The child herself seems to have it in her mind that I'm a taddletale and she doesn't want me to be in her Dad's life, is this coming from her or the adults around her?

[SeriousSam]

Get a lawyer, get this lady out of the kids life.  It sounds like she enabled the molester and will continue to do so.  Your husband will probably go almost broke because his ex will have access to free legal assistance and he won't but in the long run the financial risk, may be worth it,

[RockRose]

Does he have court ordered visitation?

[althepal39]

Why are the courts only allowing 1 hour visitation?     You started this post saying the ex-wife is withholding the daughter from YOU - not the husband.  I think maybe you are too involved in this - even though he is your husband - this is between the child's mother and father - this child has enough problems dealing with this terrible tug of war between them.  You sound like you are adding more stress to her life.  I'm not trying to be mean - it is just very stressful for a child to have to deal with all these grown ups.  The best you can do is try to advise your husband on what HE should do and then just be polite and nice to the little girl when you see her.    

[Denya]

She has only allowed my husband 1 hour visitation with his daughter, and I once had a very close relationships with these girls, They stayed at my home over entire weekends for 6 months straight, and the mother has ripped that relationship appart and does not allow her children to come over to my husbands home because of me.  I know you are right telling me to stay out of it, but when the child is telling her father that she wishes I wasn't in his life I sort of wonder where that is comming from?  Especially when She used to tell her Dad she wanted me to be her step MOM, and loved me so much.  I only want what is best for her, and I will do whatever it takes, even if that means staying out of her life forever!

It hurts a lot, but that is why I have come here to ask you all what you think.

[Denya]

Yes, he has the right to visit his children when he wants.  He just has to call 48 hours in advance and he can have them sleep over, or take them out for the day, he has full parental rights.

[RockRose]

Parental rights are not really the same thing as court mandated visitation.  It sounds like his decree was written VERY loosely - usually they specify specific visitation times,  not just a loose idea that he can see them if he feels like it.

I think he needs to call his lawyer and go back to court to get visitation mandated.

[althepal39]

I'm glad you did not take offense to what I said.   It sounds like the mother may  have gotten jealous of your relationship with her daughter and maybe filled her head with a lot of ideas that you were no good.  Who knows maybe she is filling the kids head with ideas like if you weren't there then mom and dad could get back together and everything would be peaches and the child is buying into it. I am sure you are great to the child - but she really has enough problems just dealing with the tug of war between her parents.   That is why I thought you should back off and just let it be between the parents - to make it easier on the daughter.   Because if she tries to have a relationship with you - it may be causing problems with her mother - and I just think she has enough problems already..

[Denya]

You know, now that you put it that way, I really understand.  Your right, about the child having enough problems, I just feel like I'm the Bad guy (I called child services) I sort of wish I would have dealt with it differently, maybe talked to my husband about it, I just don't want to be the one that everyone hates. I just wonder if I'll ever have a relationship with both girls ever again.  
But as you said I should let it go, I never intrude on the girls life, I talk to my husband about my feelings.  I haven't talked to them in over 6 months now.  I always, always, promote my husbands relationship with them...I think it is the most important thing in the world.  Thanks for your time.