Aa
Ex-boyfriend's inappropriate behaviour with his children
Hello,
I left my boyfriend some months back because he was promiscuous (I found out he was sleeping with and dating a lot of other women at the same time as me)and because, on our last weekend together, I was incredibly perturbed by his dreadfully inappropriate behaviour with his 11 year old son and 9 year old daughter.
Basically what happened was:
My suspicions arose, in particular, when I accompanied him to a family holiday with his kids and I felt rather uncomfortable about his behaviour in front of the children. Id like to confirm that I have no problem whatsoever with nudity (I have children who I have no qualms about seeing me naked but only in the right circumstances) but what I witnessed this particular weekend (and a little on the other occasions his children visited) was far from what I would consider ‘normal’ nudity in front of children of a certain age.
The uncomfortable feelings I felt began on the very first evening we arrived. We stayed in a very very small room where there was basically one room for all four of us. There was a sofa bed in the lounge/kitchen area for us and in the entrance hall a set of bunk beds for the kids. As soon as we arrived everyone got ready for bed which was me and the kids getting into pyjamas but my boyfriend merely taking his clothes off and proceeding to pursue all evening activities with no clothes on. This entailed getting some food in the kitchen to putting the kids to bed. I felt very uncomfortable watching him kiss his daughter goodnight on the top bunk bed all the while his son was in the lower bunk sitting up reading and my ex's penis was right in his face - I told him at that point that I really felt it more appropriate to at least put on a pair of boxers or pyjama bottoms but he just scoffed and laughed at me.
The next morning the same thing occurred with the three of us wearing our pyjamas and him strutting around naked. Had this been the extent of his covert exhibitionism, I may have thought nothing more of it however his behaviour went from merely being naked in front of me and his kids to sitting naked on the sofa bed with us whilst playing scrabble and cuddling and snuggling with his kids (him naked, them dressed) to him then parading around with a sock on his penis and enticing his daughter to retrieve it…which she did. She pulled the sock of his penis and then grabbed hold of his penis which seemed like an activity that was not out of the ordinary between him and his children. An awkward moment then ensued when I think he saw the look on my face which triggered him to run around laughing whilst naked at which point both children then chased him to the corner of the apartment and started flicking his penis like a toy.
This sort of behaviour occurred for the entire weekend and I felt rather sick to the stomach the entire time we were away , which I can only describe as ‘locker room’ behaviour between grown men and women. It struck me that this behaviour was inappropriate between himself and his children. As I say, I am not prudish about nudity and indeed my kids see me naked on a regular basis but when they do it’s usually when I get out of the shower, in my bed room getting dressed, on the beach, around a pool……that sort of activity. I certainly don’t sit around on the sofa for an entire evening playing board games,cooking in the kitchen and general activities which I would normally partake in in, at the very least, a pair of pyjamas. I also wouldn’t be letting my children touch my private parts as I am in the habit of trying to teach them that our ‘private parts’ are only for them and that if anyone else does so, they should tell me. The fact that he seems to think it’s okay to let his children hold and play with his penis, as if it’s some sort of toy, feels totally inappropriate and, to my mind, leads them to think that it’s okay to take part in this sort of activity with anyone - I feel that no actual boundaries are being set.
I wasn’t sure what to make of all of this so I spoke to a few friends of mine with children and asked them if they let their children touch their father’s penis, to which all of them said ABSOLUTELY NOT!! I separated from this man not only because of these very uncomfortable times with his children but because I found out that he was incredibly promiscuous and seemingly has no boundaries as to what is right and wrong for anyone. I had intended to address these issues with him but I split with him before I had the chance to discuss them with him in a civil manner. I have subsequently told him that I feel his behaviour with his children is totally inappropriate but he has replied telling me that he has no intention to behave any differently in front of his children and that he’s happy that they live in another country because they remain children much longer and therefore unaffected by his behaviour. I could see in the children’s eyes that they felt it was a bit weird too but I was not really in a position to say anything to them about it.
I'm curious to know what others think of this behaviour. It's been plaguing me for some months now and I find it hard to sleep because i don't know what is the best thing to do.
I left my boyfriend some months back because he was promiscuous (I found out he was sleeping with and dating a lot of other women at the same time as me)and because, on our last weekend together, I was incredibly perturbed by his dreadfully inappropriate behaviour with his 11 year old son and 9 year old daughter.
Basically what happened was:
My suspicions arose, in particular, when I accompanied him to a family holiday with his kids and I felt rather uncomfortable about his behaviour in front of the children. Id like to confirm that I have no problem whatsoever with nudity (I have children who I have no qualms about seeing me naked but only in the right circumstances) but what I witnessed this particular weekend (and a little on the other occasions his children visited) was far from what I would consider ‘normal’ nudity in front of children of a certain age.
The uncomfortable feelings I felt began on the very first evening we arrived. We stayed in a very very small room where there was basically one room for all four of us. There was a sofa bed in the lounge/kitchen area for us and in the entrance hall a set of bunk beds for the kids. As soon as we arrived everyone got ready for bed which was me and the kids getting into pyjamas but my boyfriend merely taking his clothes off and proceeding to pursue all evening activities with no clothes on. This entailed getting some food in the kitchen to putting the kids to bed. I felt very uncomfortable watching him kiss his daughter goodnight on the top bunk bed all the while his son was in the lower bunk sitting up reading and my ex's penis was right in his face - I told him at that point that I really felt it more appropriate to at least put on a pair of boxers or pyjama bottoms but he just scoffed and laughed at me.
The next morning the same thing occurred with the three of us wearing our pyjamas and him strutting around naked. Had this been the extent of his covert exhibitionism, I may have thought nothing more of it however his behaviour went from merely being naked in front of me and his kids to sitting naked on the sofa bed with us whilst playing scrabble and cuddling and snuggling with his kids (him naked, them dressed) to him then parading around with a sock on his penis and enticing his daughter to retrieve it…which she did. She pulled the sock of his penis and then grabbed hold of his penis which seemed like an activity that was not out of the ordinary between him and his children. An awkward moment then ensued when I think he saw the look on my face which triggered him to run around laughing whilst naked at which point both children then chased him to the corner of the apartment and started flicking his penis like a toy.
This sort of behaviour occurred for the entire weekend and I felt rather sick to the stomach the entire time we were away , which I can only describe as ‘locker room’ behaviour between grown men and women. It struck me that this behaviour was inappropriate between himself and his children. As I say, I am not prudish about nudity and indeed my kids see me naked on a regular basis but when they do it’s usually when I get out of the shower, in my bed room getting dressed, on the beach, around a pool……that sort of activity. I certainly don’t sit around on the sofa for an entire evening playing board games,cooking in the kitchen and general activities which I would normally partake in in, at the very least, a pair of pyjamas. I also wouldn’t be letting my children touch my private parts as I am in the habit of trying to teach them that our ‘private parts’ are only for them and that if anyone else does so, they should tell me. The fact that he seems to think it’s okay to let his children hold and play with his penis, as if it’s some sort of toy, feels totally inappropriate and, to my mind, leads them to think that it’s okay to take part in this sort of activity with anyone - I feel that no actual boundaries are being set.
I wasn’t sure what to make of all of this so I spoke to a few friends of mine with children and asked them if they let their children touch their father’s penis, to which all of them said ABSOLUTELY NOT!! I separated from this man not only because of these very uncomfortable times with his children but because I found out that he was incredibly promiscuous and seemingly has no boundaries as to what is right and wrong for anyone. I had intended to address these issues with him but I split with him before I had the chance to discuss them with him in a civil manner. I have subsequently told him that I feel his behaviour with his children is totally inappropriate but he has replied telling me that he has no intention to behave any differently in front of his children and that he’s happy that they live in another country because they remain children much longer and therefore unaffected by his behaviour. I could see in the children’s eyes that they felt it was a bit weird too but I was not really in a position to say anything to them about it.
I'm curious to know what others think of this behaviour. It's been plaguing me for some months now and I find it hard to sleep because i don't know what is the best thing to do.
My question is, was it ever okay for you to play with your fathers penis????????? THIS IS ABSOLUTELY disturbing. WHAT AND GODS NAME WOULD MAKE YOU WAIT... YOU SHOULD HAVE CALLED CHILD PROTECT SERVICES THAT VERY DAY instead asking your friends if it was okay to play with daddy's penis??? SERIOUSLY in what mental state are you in that you wouldn't remove those children or call law enforcement right away. OMG!!! turn his *** in and maybe you should get evaluated to make sure you have all your screws intact
What you identified in your post can be considered sexually abusive behavior, especially when your ex boyfriend allows his kids to play with his penis which is unheard of. Having loose boundaries is one thing. But having kids handle your private parts can be considered sexual abuse. It is a good thing that you ended your relationship with him. For the safety of his kids, I think what you need to do is to phone Child Protective Services and/or the police and discuss this issue with them and let them determine if child sexual abuse is in fact occurring. I wouldn't talk to anyone other than the authorities as this can become a criminal/legal matter.
It sounds downright creepy to me, frankly.
Lately we're hearing on this site about a lot of grown men who don't seem to understand sexual boundaries when it comes to their children, and of course the children play along because they love and trust their father. I can't decide of this is going to lead to a rash of incest once these 'groomed' children come into sexual maturity, or if the men are just getting a kick out of pushing the boundaries but don't intend to molest their kids. It kind of makes me nostalgic for the times when fathers were the stern, patriarchial distant guys, not the buddies. It's like wherever society has given license, men have been the first to jump in and take undue advantage.
In your shoes I would consider reporting what I saw to the child's mother.
Lately we're hearing on this site about a lot of grown men who don't seem to understand sexual boundaries when it comes to their children, and of course the children play along because they love and trust their father. I can't decide of this is going to lead to a rash of incest once these 'groomed' children come into sexual maturity, or if the men are just getting a kick out of pushing the boundaries but don't intend to molest their kids. It kind of makes me nostalgic for the times when fathers were the stern, patriarchial distant guys, not the buddies. It's like wherever society has given license, men have been the first to jump in and take undue advantage.
In your shoes I would consider reporting what I saw to the child's mother.
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Child Behavior Community
Fearing autism, many parents aren't vaccinating their kids. Can doctors reverse this dangerous trend?
Is a gluten-free diet right for you?
We answer your top questions about the flu vaccine.
Learn which over-the-counter medicines are safe for you and your baby
Yummy eats that will keep your child healthy and happy
Healing home remedies for common ailments
