Excelerated Learning for a 2 1/2 year old?

[adgal]

Ok, I have wanted to ask this here for awhile as there is such a great group in this forum.  People who's opinion I truly value.  I was afraid to as I thought it would come across as just a proud parent who is bragging. But this is truly troubling to me so I decided to heck with what other people think, I am going to ask.

My baby is 2 1/2.  For quite some time his Pediatrician has had him involved in a program at our local University where they essentially monitor kids who hit certain milestones early. The idea is to see if based on the milestone hit, if down the road they do better in some areas then others, or if there is a link to childhood behavioral issues.  Ryder first walked early.  Then, although language did not come early, once he did he quickly overtook his peers in his ability to put together sentences, etc.  They have told me for quite some time that he is very very bright.  He goes to daycare 3 days a week in a Learning Center.  Their programming goes from babies to afterschool care, and includes a really good pre school program.  Ryder is in the toddler room right now with kids his own age.  I have a high opinion of this place and feel fortunate to have him there.

So here is what has happened.  Some assessments were recently done.  And it has been recommended to me that we start him in the pre school program in the fall.  He will be 2 1/2.  The program is catered to 3 and 4 year olds, so he would be the youngest.  They told me that he is clearly bored with his own group and seems to get frustrated that the other kids cannot communicate as well as he can (and it's true, when we have him around other kids his age he really is much further ahead in how he expresses himself).  They feel he would benefit from both the curriculam and the level of communication the older kids provide. Even the toys they get in his group seem to bore him.  At home he does puzzles for 4+5 year olds and completely ignores the ones for 2+3 year olds.  I of course am worried about the social aspect, but they don't seem to be.  We have tried a few days with the older kids and he seems to do ok with them.  An example...an older kid hit him.  Most kids Ryders age would either cry or hit back.  Mine (and I have seen him do this) looks them straight in the eye and says "you don't hit me".  But he is already small for his age, and I am very very concerned about putting him in a social situation that might be more then he can handle.  I also worry about becoming one of those parents who pushes too hard.  I have legitimate reason for this.  My mom's family is full of people like my son.  I have an aunt and an uncle (my mom's brother and sister) who began university at 15 + 16 respectively.  My aunts son (my cousin) is a gifted child (well, and adult now) and struggles his whole life socially.  Still does really.  So although I want to give my son every possible advantage, and am very very happy that his is bright, I do worry about the flip side of this.  I have to make this decision, and really could use some input here.  Do I allow him to be excelerated?  I know, he is only 2 1/2, overworrying right?  I just want to do what is right for him and I am not convinced that this is.

They did caution me that when kids his age get bored or are not properly stimulated, we can begin to see behavioral issues.  My Pediatrician also wants me to do this and has even gone so far as to recommend a charter school here in our city. It is boy's only in the lower grades, class sizes are only about 10 children and it's for boys with higher then average learning capabilities.  Their belief is boy's learn differently from girls and it is based on kids capabilites rather then their ages if that makes sense.  

Anyway, this is truly a dilemma for me.  I worry about things like bullying or him feeling left out or quite frankly, like a freak.  Any thoughts on this issue are gratefully accepted.  And I do hope this post is taken the way it's intended.  It's based on actual assessments done, not just my opinion that I have an amazing child (which I do know I do..lol).  I want to do what's best for him in every aspect of his life, not just education.

[adgal]

Good grief.  Reading back my post I can certainly see he isn't getting this from me.  Excelerated?  Oh dear. And a huge amount of typo's and grammatical errors.  I really need to learn to read things through before I hit post.

Thank you all for your input.  I know that I have a tendency to overthink things when it comes to him and I also am a worrier.  So all of your words and wonderful opinions mean a great deal to me.  You have all given me much to think about and discuss with my husband, and I truly truly appreciate it.  I really do just want to do what is in his best interest.  And I do enjoy him.  He is such a neat kid!

Thanks again, and I promise I am taking all of your comments to heart.

[Sandman2]

Very good points by all of the above.  I would like to add on to what RockRose said.  I have taught very gifted kids at the 5th, 6th, and 8th grade levels and never had a problem with them.  Yes, some probably got bored at times (pretty sure all kids were bored sometimes).  And some times the really sharp kids did try to manipulate the world around them to their advantage - and we would have a heart to heart talk about that.  I always found ways to extend the class discussions or lessons to their level or beyond.  I could go on and on.  Point being in the right setting they will do fine in a public school.  It really depends on the teacher.  And now with smart boards, Ipads, the internet - it's even easier to extend lessons to the sharper kids.  And frankly, if the child is a pain in the classroom it reflects more on his teacher or how he was raised then his intellectual ability.  Bright kids have to deal with the outside world too.  They don't get to go through life in a private little world occupied by just other bright people.  If they are raised to be understanding, compassionate, polite, etc they will not be a problem in any classroom
    Anyway, I would not move them up a grade for any reason once he is at school age.  Trying him now with older kids might work out just fine - or perhaps he could even drift back and forth.  
    I do have a small problem with the all boys school.  I started teaching just before Title 9 happened and girls were finally allowed to participate with boys in sports, etc.  So I saw middle school kids before and after that time.  I thought it made a huge difference to the way that kids interacted and thought about each other.  Boys do learn differently than girls - and girls learn differently than boys.  Good teachers can teach to both of their learning styles.  So unless, you have no other choice - I would avoid an all boys school like the plague.
    But so much of this really comes down to the school and the teacher.  You may find a great teacher one year and the next year it could be a whole different ball game.  So you always want to be proactive and plan ahead.  Don't leave things to chance.
    By the way, if he really is a sharp kid, you will find out that they problem solve a lot faster than you do.  And when they are young they use that ability without too much compassion (its kind of all about me) at early ages.  So just plan on planning ahead - and enjoy the heck out of him.  Best wishes.

[RockRose]

I agree with SM whole heartedly,  and also agree that Ryder does seem very bright.  It seems to me that he is a bright child with very attentive,  connected parents who focus on him and are bringing him to his full potential.

I wouldn't put him in with older kids - but I would certainly consider putting him in with same age bright children.  

Two of my kids had the same first grade teacher - a FABULOUS teacher,  and she used to say her brightest students didn't get bored in the mainstream classroom.  She would say kids who tend to be bored would get bored in many routine settings,  and sometimes those bored kids had high IQs.  They were just bored kids and those kids come in all shapes and sizes and IQ levels,  she thought.  And I think she was right.  She was always really seriously against taking the brightest kids out of the class and moving them up a grade - as you both have said,  it puts them at great social disadvantage.

Best wishes.

[krichar]

Please excuse all spelling errors and grammer errors as i have little time but want to help before i take off for 2 weeks :)

I haven't had a chance to read all the respones but have read your question. Now from my little experience i can honestly say that "gifted childern' whether accelerated or not have social issues.  This is because:

1.If you accelerate them they are younger and less mature and haven't "physically" developed the same.

2. If you keep them behind they are ofen coded as having a disability because they are plain bored and looked at as "smarty pants" because you have the answers.

What i would do, is seeing as it is still daycare i would move him up and maybe look into a play class on his days home in his own age group. So he's learning at an accelerated rate but still socializing in his own age group.

I would NOT put him into kindergarten early, but i would put him in the boys school. I looked into it for S but he is too old. This school teaches and caters to every childs individual needs. So whether he is accelerated or not he will still be with kids his own age. I think it is an amazing program and i don't believe it costs anymore then normal school.

[adgal]

I think I also need to better explain what this whole study is all about.  They take kids that hit 1 or several milestones early.  They then follow them, checking in fairly regularly (they observe them while playing, show them images, etc. etc.).  They watch for particular talents, etc. to emerge or even challenges.  Then I guess they bring all the data together and see if there are certain early milestones that lead to other things.  So the walking wasn't necessarily a signal of above average intelligence, it's just what has happened.  They haven't even said it's connected.  Hopefully that clears that up for you Kay.  I don't think I explained very well.

So you think it's ok to allow him to start preschool early?  Just not Kindergarten?  And what about that charter school?  I guess it's sort of like a private school (they wear uniforms, etc.) but the learning program is more individualized and it's certainly more affordable then private.  

[adgal]

Kay, your thoughts are exactly what my gut tells me.  My cousin was excelerated all through school and his social skills are something to be desired.  And it does matter...I think it matters a great deal.  I appreciate your input as I always do, and that kind of honesty is exactly why I posted here.

And the study is interesting.  They do look for corralation between certain milestones and issues like sensory (although they didn't tell me about sensory disorder specifically) as well as milestones and areas or interest or a particular talent in later in life.  They also look for delays in certain areas and diagnosis down the road such as ADD and ADHD...all kinds of things. What it really is is part of early signs of all sorts of things.  They follow these kids for a very long time providing the parents allow it.  I know walking early can be a red flag as well and part of that is what made me wonder about sensory with him before.  It's still possible that winds up being the case.  Right now their focus on Ryder seems to have more to do with his language skills, his memory and his ability to solve puzzles above his age level.  The early walking just qualified him initially (and again, this study is not just about gifted or highly intelligent kids - that's just one part of it), then the rest has come later.  There were a few other things he did early in life that made our Pediatrician take an interest as well.  Such as putting shapes in the holes earlier then expected, putting things together like those pyramids with the different colored rings, that sort of thing.

As for gifted...they haven't said that yet, it's just been suggested as a possibility.  Right now he's just advanced for his age, but I also wonder how much of his language comes from the almost constant interaction he has with us.  We talk to him non stop..literally.  And we read an awful lot as well (for as long as he'll hold still..lol).  So although I do think he is very smart, I'm not yet convinced there is any more to it then that.  Time will tell I guess.

Thanks again my dear friend, you have really confirmed how I already feel on the issue.  

[specialmom]

One other thing I was going to add that is not to burst anyone's bubble but was new info for me.  Walking early is a sign of sensory integration disorder.  Walking is easier than crawling.  My son walked at 9.5 months and walked for about two minutes before he started running.  When approached about sensory, I would say . . .  but he hit all his milestones and he WALKED early.  And they'd smile and say 'check' and check that off their list as that is something they actually LOOK for.  

I don't think Ryder has sensory integration disorder or anything but it does surprise me that a university looks to that to correlate to other advancements down the road.  For us, it was a missed warning sign.  

Interesting though.  My son is a mixed bag of highly coordinated with motor planning issues.  Good genes mixed with a developmental delay.  Hard to figure out sometimes!

[specialmom]

Oh yes, this is difficult.  I'm going to tell you how I really really feel.  This is not based on anything but how I see things with my own kids.  My dear friend has a gifted child.  They excelerated her and she is a year and a half younger than most kids in her grade.  She's suffered a good deal socially and it gets worse as she gets older.  She's less physically like her peers and more immature.  It's been hard for her mom to watch.  It would be hard for me to watch with my boys that find their peer relationships to be what they LIKE MOST about school.  And it carries all the way up through highschool.  Your child is the one who isn't taking driver's ed.  Your child is the one who always looks a bit younger than all his friends and people comment on it (this is cool when you are 40 . . .  not so much when you are 17).  

That would be hard on me as well as I have my boys that I see social situations as very important for.  

My honest opinion . . . I'd save every dollar you have, keep him with his age and consider a private school for his primary school (less important for preschool.) if he still continues to be advanced academically.  I'd keep him with his agemates but in a more challenging school (most major cities have a selection of private schools).  

If he has any hope of playing sports with kids in his class, etc.  this will matter.  Sounds dumb but for boys, playing some type of sport is a social scene all by itself.  

Anyway, those are some of my thoughts.  Preschool matters a bit less in my opinion but by kindergarten, it is very difficult to be the youngest in the class.  

Hard decisions but I know you 'll make the best one for Ryder.  Good luck!