Extreme Seperation Anxiety

I have a 5 yr. old daughter.  She was kept by my mother while I worked up until age 4.  I recently quit work to stay home with her and my 1 yr. old son.  In order to prepare her for school next year, I enrolled her in a preschool.  She was totally terrified!  She cried everyday until she would become physically sick and she would not participate in anything with the other children.  I removed her from this school and decided to work with her daily at home to prepare her myself for school.  After this experience she has now become extremely concerned with my whereabouts.  I cannot leave the room to go to the restroom without her running thru the house yelling for me and even crying if she cannot locate me quick enough.  I assure her that I will never leave her without her being aware of where I have gone but that doesn't seem to help.  I really need some advice on how to help her overcome this seperation anxiety.  I am concerned that she will have a horrible experience in school if I don't help her now.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Dear Heidi,

Looking back, it would have been better to have allowed your daughter to remain in her pre-school. However, that is now water over the dam, so to speak. In light of the family's history, it's not surprising that your daughter is worried about absence from you. She will learn, from experience, that separations such as those prompted by school, will be tolerable. But, she'll need to learn by the experience itself - it's a matter of over-and-over-again type of learning.

Try now to locate a daycare or pre-school experience, prepare the provider or staff by noting past experience, and be resolute about having your daughter attend. There's no casual or easy way to solve such dilemmas. You have to be ready to bite the bullet. If you can, your daughter will adjust.

[lisa]

Ithis may sound like a totally off the wall solution but;  What if you give your daughter a keyring, jewlery or some small token that both you and Grandma loved as a kid(fibbing a tad)  tellher when she misses you that by holding this locket it will bring you all closer.   But you will still have to bite the bullet on the time line away.

[JENISE RUSH]

I AGREE WITH EVERYONE ELSES ADVICE AND DO FEEL SHE NEEDS PRACTICE BUT ONE KEY THE TWO OF YOU ADJUSTING TO SEPERATION ISSUES IS TO START OFF SMALL MEANING AT FIRST LEAVE HER FOR A HALF AN HOUR OR LESS FOR A WEEK THEN OVER TIME INCREASE THE TIME THIS GIVES HER TIME TO ADJUST BE SURE THE DAYCARE YOU FIND YOUR CHILD IS NOT A LOUD CAOTIC PLACE BECAUSE IT ADDS TO FEARS FIND A DAYCARE WHERE THE CAREGIVERS HAVE FEWER CHILDREN PER ADULT SO THAT SHE WILL RECEIVE MORE ONE ON ONE ATTENTION .SOME DAYCARES ARE LARGE ALSO FIND A DAYCARE THAT HAS STUCTURE THAT IS CONSISTANT ALWAYS.KNOWING WHATS EXPECTED OF HER AND HOW THINGS WORK EVERYDAY AND WEEK SHOULD ALSO HELP IN TIME LESSON HER FEARS AND HOPEFULLY DAYCARE OR SCHOOL WONT BE A NEGATIVE EXPEIENCE IN TIME JUST ANOTHER PART OF YOUR FAMILIES DAILY LIVING IF YOU NEED FURTHER ADVICE OR STRATAGIES FROM ME YOU CAN WRITE ME AND I WILL WRITE BACK MRS.RUSH 9599 BRAYTON DRIVE#461 ANCHORAGE ALASKA 99507 GOOD LUCK